20 THINGS I HAVE LEARNED

[Round_Gun_Shooter]

20 Things that it took me 50 + Years to learn

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative

on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race

has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word

would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never

want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its

glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as

His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too

seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one

individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command.

Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling

reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests

that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging

from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to

make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,

gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep

down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy

people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice

person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

19. Your friends love you anyway.

20. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember

that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built

the Titanic.

[wide45]

21. If you get an email with something funny in it, someone else has already posted it here.

[Merlin Orr]

ATTENTION FORUM MEMBERS!!!!

"3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

"21. If you get an email with something funny in it, someone else has already posted it here."

Ain't that the truth........

[spook]

I like nr.18.

[Round_Gun_Shooter]

I like nr.18.

That is my favorite also.

Regards,

[SiG Lady]

"11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie."

I failed to do that on one occasion. I was just in kind of a hurry at the time. I was 12 years old. I'll never forget it. It was probably the very first time I actually laughed AT myself and enjoyed the laugh. All my friends who were watching this come down enjoyed it, too.

#3 is cool as well.

[PistolJim]

I've seen #2 in action and it's ugly.

Jim

[tightloop]

Get a gold lame suit and a 3' square hanky and you can be #5

[TriggerT]

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

Man, I am trying. When you wake up in the middle of the night and all you can think about is work, and how it is messing up the rest of your life, #6 becomes VERY difficult.

[ghostrider]

Any married man could see that 14 should move RG into contention for American intellectual of the month.