2007 ends badly; 2008 starts worse

[Forensics Doc]

For me, 2007 ended badly, and 2008 has started even worse. I won't rehash it here because I had a post on part of this in this forum about a month ago, but a friend of mine was stabbed ten times in a Kroger store by a nut case while she was trying to arrest him (she's a sergeant with the Athens-Clarke County (Ga) Police Department). Courtney had a massive loss of blood and was saved only because a nurse in the store tied a tourniquet around her leg. She nearly died and was in a coma for three weeks, ICU for six weeks, and was just moved to the Shepherd Center, where they deal with spinal cord injuries and brain injuries. She will be there for a minimum of another month before being moved to the Shepherd Pathway, which is some sort of further rehab. She will be there at least a month and maybe more. The long and short of it is that she's already been in the hospital for a couple of months now and she's facing at least two more.

I went to see her today, and outwardly she's doing pretty well, all things considered. The main problem is that she had two small strokes due to the massive blood loss and her dexterity is not good and her short-term memory is really bad. She's also a runner but is now having to learn how to walk again on a leg she can barely feel. Her long-term prognosis is uncertain.

Then, on January 1, 2008 a 24-year old woman, Meredith Emerson, was abducted by a 61-year old drifter and murdered. I was present for the autopsy and although I can't say anything about it, suffice it to say that if the public could have seen what I did we wouldn't be having this issue before the Supreme Court on whether the perpetrator feels pain during execution by lethal injection (sniff). I've been a witness at two executions by lethal injection and I'm convinced that they don't. I hope I'm wrong.

As I said in the earlier post, my office door is 30 feet from the morgue, and I see autopsies on a daily basis. I see kids, the young and the old, the rich and the poor. I've worked mass graves in Bosnia and Kosovo and never any problems with any of it. By some means I don't understand, I'm able to divorce myself from the horror of it all and simply do my job.

But I have to confess that these two have chopped me off at the knees. Seeing a young, ambitious, wonderful young lady facing such an uncertain future thanks to a worthless piece of dog crap is really tough. Seeing Meredith Emerson's autopsy was even worse. I don't usually think much about what I've seen in the morgue, but this one has really stayed with me.

And after getting back from visiting Courtney today I found out that two guys I've skydived with for quite a few years were killed recently in separate skydiving accidents.

I guess that working in a morgue should have taught me that life is tenuous at best, but somehow when working around death is your profession you don't think about it very much. The two skydiving buddies I lost weren't the first and they won't be the last, but I'm still having a very hard time dealing with the other two. It seems so strange that someone who works with death is having such a hard time dealing with it when it hits close to home.

For me, the take home message here is something I inherently knew all along but had somehow become inured to by simply working around it day after day. Many of the autopsies I see represents a Courtney or a Meredith, someone loved by many but whose life is forever changed or cut short by the vagaries of an unpredictable world. I'll be holding my friends and loved ones closer than ever.

[HSMITH]

Wow. Best wishes to your friend, I will put a word or two in with the Big Guy for her.

Keep your chin up, I don't know how you are able to do what you do, but someone has to and I appreciate that you are willing to do it.

[LPatterson]

Use your skydiving atitude to build upon your everyday life. When everyone else is saying we are crazy, remember what it is like to be up there with the wind in your face and nothing matters but the people around you. If the people with you do as they are supposed to, then it is only a matter of did I pack it the way I was supposed to. A malfunction is not cause to give up or get down on yourself, things happen. If you start to dwell on what happens in life think back to the last 60 second jump and the joy you experienced.

[racerba]

We here at the BE forum are here for you. However, it seems that you might need someone closer and more personal to let out your pent up feelings. Good luck to you and whatever you decide, we will always be here for you.

[38superman]

We here at the BE forum are here for you. However, it seems that you might need someone closer and more personal to let out your pent up feelings. Good luck to you and whatever you decide, we will always be here for you.

+1

That a lot of tragedy to try to absorb.

It takes its toll and it sounds like you may need some time away from the job.

Maybe some professional help from a counselor would be in order.

In any case I am sorry for what happened and hope you can come to terms with it in time.

Tony

Edited February 4, 2008 by 38superman

[Forensics Doc]

Thanks, but I'll be fine shortly. I think the thing that whacked me is having two back to back. I see senseless brutality all the time on the autopsy table but until now it has always been with someone I didn't know. Fortunately, Courtney didn't wind up on the table but Meredith did, and even though I didn't know her it was rough, following so closely on the heels of Courtney. I saw another 14 autopsies today including a couple of kids and was just fine with all of them.

Are you a skydiver also, LPatterson? I see you're from BJ Worth country. Probably what I need right now is a good jump from 12, 500. Hmmm. Good idea, come to think of it.

Speaking of malfunctions, I've had 8 of them but then I go back to the PC, Strato-Star, ropes and rings Cloud days when parachutes were a bit less reliable than they are now.

D-4879, SCS 3039, WSCR 454, BASCR

Edited February 4, 2008 by Forensics Doc

[Rocket35]

There are no words sometimes. I hope knowing that we are here for you is comfort enough. I deal with these scumbags on a daily basis- although I don't have to see their damage first hand as you, I can feel for your anguish and offer my condolences. I too am thankful that someone like you is willing to sacrifice themselves to the service of forensics. In short thank you for your dedication and daunting work.

[Round_Gun_Shooter]

Thanks, but I'll be fine shortly. I think the thing that whacked me is having two back to back. I see senseless brutality all the time on the autopsy table but until now it has always been with someone I didn't know. Fortunately, Courtney didn't wind up on the table but Meredith did, and even though I didn't know her it was rough, following so closely on the heels of Courtney. I saw another 14 autopsies today including a couple of kids and was just fine with all of them.

Are you a skydiver also, LPatterson? I see you're from BJ Worth country. Probably what I need right now is a good jump from 12, 500. Hmmm. Good idea, come to think of it.

Speaking of malfunctions, I've had 8 of them but then I go back to the PC, Strato-Star, ropes and rings Cloud days when parachutes were a bit less reliable than they are now.

D-4879, SCS 3039, WSCR 454, BASCR

I am sure you will be fine. BUT, you will always have the scar. I was LEO for some time. Road cop. I finally had to give it up because of what I saw. I had no support system at that time and now, 20 years later , I still wonder what that 18month old in the bicycle accident would have grown to be. It is my scar and you will have yours.

Whatever you do, realize the service you provide is worth the pain you suffer from time to time. I thank you for what you do.

God Bless,

[Forensics Doc]

After re-reading my initial post I and the replies that followed I think I'd better go back a bit and clarify some things. Yes, these two in particular have hit me hard but not in a way many of you would understand. My idea of being "chopped off at the knees" is probably quite a bit different for me than it is for you. For me, being chopped off at the knees just means that I think about it quite a bit, nothing more. I've never lost a minute of sleep over what I saw and I haven't thrown a scalpel at anyone at work as a result of post traumatic stress syndrome. For those of us who deal with death on a daily basis, the very fact that we even think about it days afterward indicates that it has affected us. To a person, everyone who saw the autopsy that day told me the same thing--that they took the images home with them, something we never do.

It's hard to understand unless you're in this profession, but in all seriousness I can't remember the autopsies I saw yesterday. What we see as an everyday course of affairs is part and parcel of what we do. Without sounding cavalier about it, it's a job. I never, and I mean never, go home thinking about what I saw that day, wondering if I would have liked the person I saw on the autopsy table if I had known them, if they had kids, or what their life was like. And, no, we don't talk to the person on the autopsy table the way they do on CSI Miami.

For most of you, it would be profoundly different. I can pretty much guarantee that there would be long-lasting images that would stifle sleep and probably affect interpersonal relations with loved ones. My wife is one of those. She knows what I do but I never talk about what I saw that day and she's never seen an autopsy. She never will.

Between eight months working mass graves in Bosnia, time in Kosovo doing the same thing there, and 5.5 years in a morgue, I've seen many, many autopsies, and of all of them I can only remember a very few. I remember a 2-year old I uncovered in a mass graves in Kosovo. This kid was dressed in a little snowmobile suit and was still clutching a teddy bear. He had been shot in the back of the head. Beween that one and these, I can't remember many more.

Again, thanks for all the support. Yes, I still think about Courtney, hoping that she'll be ok and that this worthless piece of crap who assaulted her rots in hell. And, yes, I still remember Meredith's autopsy and hope that this other worthless piece of crap who killed her gets a cellmate who is twice as big as Andre the Giant and who finds him most attractive. But other than thinking about it quite a bit, I'm doing just fine.

[Hank Ellis]

Are you a skydiver also, LPatterson? I see you're from BJ Worth country. Probably what I need right now is a good jump from 12, 500. Hmmm. Good idea, come to think of it.

Speaking of malfunctions, I've had 8 of them but then I go back to the PC, Strato-Star, ropes and rings Cloud days when parachutes were a bit less reliable than they are now.

D-4879, SCS 3039, WSCR 454, BASCR

Grab your rig, book a flight to Z-Hills or Eloy, and spend a weekend doing what we both know is the best therapy. Come to think of it I could use some air time.

D-13011, Gold Wings, Diamond FF, All the FF awards through Golden Eagle when they were still issued, All the CRW awards though NCCS, blah, blah.

[bp78]

Hi Doc,

That same 'worthless piece of crap' is the suspect in the October murder of my great aunt & uncle. Hopefully NC will be charging him any day now and seal a capital conviction he so richly deserves. I can't imagine the toll your job must take after seeing a published ME report and reading your posts, but those of us outside appreciate the work you do. Thank You.

[racerba]

And, no, we don't talk to the person on the autopsy table the way they do on CSI Miami.

NO?!?! I thought those shows are true to life.

Edited February 5, 2008 by racerba

[Forensics Doc]

Hi Doc,

That same 'worthless piece of crap' is the suspect in the October murder of my great aunt & uncle. Hopefully NC will be charging him any day now and seal a capital conviction he so richly deserves. I can't imagine the toll your job must take after seeing a published ME report and reading your posts, but those of us outside appreciate the work you do. Thank You.

MY sympathies, bp78. And, yes, I know a bit more about yours than I can tell also. I hope there's a special place in hell that's reserved for animals like this.