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[ErikW]

Dear Ma and Pa:

 Am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for Old Man Minch a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.  Practically nothing.  You got to shave, but it is not bad in warm water.  Breakfast is strong on trimmings

like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food.  But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee.  Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed.  It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.  We go on "route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to harden us.  If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different.  A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home.  Then the city guys all get sore feet and we ride back in trucks.  The country is nice, but awful flat.  The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher.  He nags some.  The Capt. is like the school board.  Cols. and Gens. just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.  This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting.  I don't know why.  The bull's-eye is near as big as a chipmunk and don't move.  And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higsett boys at home.  All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it, you don't even load your own cartridges.  They come in boxes.  Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellows get onto this setup and come stampeding in.  

Your loving son,

Zeb

P.S. Speaking of shooting, enclosed is $200 for barn roof and ma's teeth. The city boys shoot craps, but not very good.

(Edited by Erik Warren at 10:10 am on Sep. 26, 2002)

[bonedaddy]

Erik, that brought back fond memories of the "Beverly Hillbillies".  I loved that show.    In one favorite episode, Jed and Jethro were invited to "shoot" a round of golf with Bankster Drysdale.  

[Flexmoney]

I liked when they spread molasses on the wall out by the front gate...so they could shoot flies.

[Rich Bagoly]

Go read No Time for Seargents, then rent the Movie.

Laughed my butt off when they made him PLO.

[ErikW]

Here's the USMC variation... you might want to skipt to a couple paragraphs from the end...

SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT

2 December 2003

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer

the Marine Corps sure beats working for old man Minch by a mile.

Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are

filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till

nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your

cot and shine some stuff. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash

to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to

shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs,

bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried

eggplant, pie, and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you

can always sit by the city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus

yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again.

It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route"

marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us.

If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A

"route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the

city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country

is nice, but awful flat. The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He

nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels

just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting

medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big

as a chipmunk head and it don't move none. And it ain't shooting at

you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there

all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges.

They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You

get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real

careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with

that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except

for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake Holler. He joined up

the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8"

and weighs near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other

fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Donna Mae

[ranger]

Subject: LETTER FROM A FARM KID NOW AT THE MARINE CORPS

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer

the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to

join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless

at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but

am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your

cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix,

wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it

is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal,

eggs, bacon,etc.,but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak,

fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer

you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food

plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder

these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are

long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him

different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home.

Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The

country is nice, but awful flat.

The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt.

is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown.

They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You

get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though,

they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at

home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan

from over in Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only

5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other

fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Gail

[Wakal]

LOL, all a matter of perspective!

Alex

[SiG Lady]

God, that's funny...! Love those stealth surprise endings....

[DogmaDog]

Huh. Camp Pendleton isn't very flat.

I guess I'm like the school board...sure can't wait to get promoted, so I can just ride around and frown!

DD

[JON]

LETTER FROM A FARM KID

(NOW AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING)

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc. but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches", which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordanfrom over in SilverLake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Carol

[tightloop]

Still funny......