A message from the rural Midwest:

[jtwilliams]

I received this a while back and thought I would share it. Some of you may have seen it. For those who haven’t, enjoy.

A message from the rural Midwest:

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when East Coasters and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota and South Dakota, those states’ Tourism Councils have adopted a set of informational guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast then you do all week at the gym.

2. It’s called a ‘gravel road’. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your car.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don’t cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for…bait.

5. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it! You might hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.

7. No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

8. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

9. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car that you drive on weekends? We’re real impressed… We have a quarter- million dollar combine that we use only two weeks a year.

10. Let’s get this straight – We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it’s red. We may even stop when it’s yellow.

11. Our women hunt, fish and drive trucks—because they want to. So, you’re a feminist… Isn’t that cute.

12. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp too—and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the bait shop.

13. They are pigs. That’s what they smell like. Get over it. Don’t like it. Interstates 70, 80 & 90 go two ways. Interstates 29, 35 & 69 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

14. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

15. So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Understand the concept?

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don’t hit the water hazard. It spooks our fish.

17. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot, his name is “Sir”. No matter how old he is.

18. The bill on you hat should turn down at the edges to shed rain and be centered over your nose to keep the sunlight out of your eyes. Any other location/orientation makes you look like an idiot.

Now, enjoy your visit!

edited for spelling

Edited March 4, 2009 by jtwilliams

[Jim Norman]

Heck, you don't have to be all that far west (or east I suppose) to get this. I am in what was until fairly recently a rural area of New Jersey. All of the above pretty much apply from here and west as long as you are more than a couple miles off the Interstate. If it wasn't for those highways, it would still be rural out here, but I would also be a lot poorer.

Jim

[MichiganShootist]

Very Good and Very Long Over Do.

I told a guy in LA one time (a native Kalforicator) I was from the Mid-West... he said "Cool like where? Like Colorado?"

I said... No "like" further East.... He said " Oh... Near New York Huh"

[Modoc]

MS

That is almost as bad as my telling one that I am from Norther California and he asked "San Francisco?"

The list is about the same for up here, altho we could add one for pheasant hunting the Rough on the golf courses

[VegasOPM]

As a Missouri boy living out West, this makes me smile.

[Dave Gundry]

I like it - especially #18, and #14 should also pertain to Walleye's...

[Punkin Chunker]

I received this a while back and thought I would share it. Some of you may have seen it. For those who haven’t, enjoy.

A message from the rural Midwest:

10. Let’s get this straight – We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it’s red. We may even stop when it’s yellow.

A stop light? THAT was big-city in my part of Missouri.

My town just had a single flashing traffic light.

[SiG Lady]

Number Five is funny. But then so are all the rest on the list. Thanks for the early morning laugh! Great!

[Front Man]

17. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot, his name is “Sir”. No matter how old he is.

And no matter how old you are!

Mandatory!

We have, for the most part, great Highway Patrol in our Tri-State area. And when they ask you WHY they pulled you over don't act stupid! You'll be traveling to your destination a lot faster if you don't!

And no, I'm not a LEO!

FM

Edited March 7, 2009 by Front Man