Voice Mail At Your Local Pd

[Jon Merricks]

Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail.

Pay attention as we have had to update the choices as new and usual circumstances arrive.

Please select one of the following options:

To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, Press 1.

To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, Press 2.

To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, Press 3

If you would like us to raise your children, Press 4.

If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, Press 5.

If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, Press 6.

To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement actions against you, Press 7.

To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, Press 8.

To whine about a ticket and or complain about the many others uses for police rather than keeping your dumb ass in line, Press 9.

Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember....we're here to save your ass,

NOT kiss it!!!

[Skywalker]

I especially love the last sentence: I'm not a LEO, but my usual comment on work goes something like this "I'm here to make your ass feel more comfortable, but not by kissing it!"

[paraman1]

You missed a few .

To speak to an arrogant , cocky , powermonger dial 10 .

To find out if the police are even going to come out to your remote location to investigate the theft of 10,000 dollars worth of firearms dial someone who cares .

To find out whether or not we will come and investigate the 3 individuals who tried to break into your home an hour ago when you first called and who are now being held at gunpoint in your backyard while you stand there in your skivvies dial 11.

If it is real early in the morning and you are calling about someone breaking into your vehicle call back after 9 . Don''t worry about the fact that the only way you have to get to work is to jump in the crime scene and drive it across town to get to work .

While I do realize that cops are human . These examples are all from personal experience both in small rural towns as well as large metropolitan areas . I shoot with a large number of cops and interact with them both competition wise and privately . They do need to remember that their job is to" Protect and serve" not just as a "Law enforcement officer".

If you are LEO and this is not how you behave, I applaud you . If you are LEO and think you are any better than those people you are duty bound to watch over, get a different job cuz the viewing public is tired of paying for you to be a jerk.

[Loves2Shoot]

Paraman,

I think you need a cop to give you a hug.

[paraman1]

I got 2 cops to give me a hug last weekend when they found out my brother had killed himself. I have known them for years and they are good friends .

[Jeffro]

Voice mail at the police departments is an absurd reality. They should take further advantage of the technology and just put the department phones on call FORWARDING DIRECTLY to the local DONUT SHOPS!!!!!!

Jeffro (Jeff)

[Jon Merricks]

paraman1, You must have forgot that this is the humor Forum. It is for jokes. Like what was posted. Lighten up.

BTW I could not find the 10 or the 11.