Fifty years

[3quartertime]

I got this from someone that just turned 50:

Subject: Nineteen Things That Took Me Fifty Years to Learn

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill     and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why   the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle...

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command...Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody giving a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

16. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

19. Your friends love you anyway.

[SiG Lady]

[confession mode on]

(RE: No. 11)

At the tender age of 12 I was ravenously hungry one day when they were passing out the fortune cookies. When the others in the group began to ask us to read our respective fortunes, I had to gag slightly and admit, "I think I just ate mine...!" Ah, dumb-ass youth.

[/confession mode off]

[slik40]

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

No idea what you are talking about.......

[lynn jones]

you forgot one...

20.  Two things you never pass up, a restroom and a erection.  HE HE

maybe that's when your 60 years old.

[GrumpyOne]

Worth another go round in the forum.....

[rfwobbly]

20.  Two things you never pass up, a restroom and a erection.  HE HE

That reminds me....

My wife, a nurse, told me this one was making the rounds at the hospital...

What's the best thing to come out of a penis?

The wrinkles!