Esther

hey Dominic, Thanks for sharing what you learned from CHA-LEE! While you are right that everyone does things wrong in their own way and that nothing can replace in-person observation and feedback from a coach, I'm learning a lot just reading about your mistakes and progress. Best of luck and keep the info coming! Esther :-)

GuildSF4 (Steve) - I remember you telling me that work is not the most important thing; family is. I have a lot of big dreams. I've always wanted to be the best at something, and I think that is one of the traits that Max values about me. But I spend so much time angsting about my work and how to serve the world, identifying as an artist and not "just somebody's wife," that I forget that my biggest act of service is to love and be kind to Max in our marriage. Tonight's thankful item: 2) going for a walk for the first time in weeks! My ankle is finally feeling better!

Thanks! Jon - Hmm.. I think it happens with both guns, though I never shot fast enough with my CZ to really notice.

Paul - Thanks! I figured it probably has something to do with my hand size and finger length and the particular gun and trigger I'm shooting. Steve - Thanks! I'll try that next time. Tim - Not sure. Today I live-fired at IPSC targets and was getting better hits and calling my shots more than I have in the last month or so (since I started pushing for "speed,"), but also shot more slowly. My guess is that all things being equal, shooting with a target focus on close targets allows me to get A hits more quickly. I always shoot with both eyes open. Tonight's shooting-related thankful items: 5) practicing at Richmond with Rogers. I shot at eggshell targets at 5 yds, 10 yds, 15 yds, and 20 yds to work on transitioning from different distances. (For me, going near to far feels easier - at least for now - than going far to near.) 6) learning a new name for IPSC "turtle targets" - "eggshell targets!" I like that much better since I hate the idea of shooting at turtles!! :-o

Tar - Could be. Donovan - Thanks! It helps to hear that. And I think you're right - I haven't become "less accurate;" I'm just varying the visual focus and patience I'm applying to my shots (see below). I shot 100 productive rounds at Reed's yesterday. I had originally planned to work on recoil control, neutral grip, and sight tracking, but a few rounds in I decided to put a PPC target at 10 yds and try shooting with a target focus. It took a lot of discipline to look at the target and let my sights be blurry. To my surprise, almost all of the shots landed in the 10 ring, with only a few border 9's and one mid-9 that would have been a close C hit. Even cooler, I could call my shots without focusing on my sights! It was so cool to see the sights in my periphery and know, "That shot's too high," "That shot's low," "That shot's dead center." In fact, not trying to focus on the sights may have made it easier to register their relationship to the target. With my last 30 rounds, I moved the target to 15 yds and shot three 10-round groups. In the past, when practicing accuracy I would take 5 seconds to look each shot off and lower my gun between shots. Yesterday I kept my gun up and shot 10 rounds in a row without pausing or slowing down. For my last group, I told myself to see what I needed to see to make every hit, and I did! 6 X's and all 10's without going super slow! I also noticed that my finger tends to move to the joint when I am shooting faster. It seems the opposite of what many good shooters report. What do you guys think?

What percentage of the Production winner did you shoot?

I've read in several places - and heard from some very good shooters - that their index finger naturally moves to contact the trigger at the fingertip when shooting fast. I find that I place my fingertip on the trigger when I want a very precise shot, but when I shoot faster my finger naturally moves to the joint. Does anyone else have this experience?

Interesting thread. As a tutor (and now as a shooter), I think a lot about the different resources and advantages that different students (and shooters) have, and how those influence but don't necessarily determine outcomes. I tutor in Palo Alto, which is one of the most affluent and highly-educated cities in America. Most of my students come from loving, intact, middle to upper class families and have parents who are well-educated, care about education, and have resources to send their children to summer enrichment programs and hire tutors (like me). On average, my students get accepted into reputable four-year colleges and graduate with few to no loans. From an external perspective, the vast majority of them do "above average" or better in life. But only a few (I'm guessing) will truly maximize what they've been given. On the other hand, some people start off with few financial, family, or community resources, yet through determination, talent, and luck manage to succeed. (I'm not getting into a discussion of what success means - for this thread, I guess it's becoming a top GM. ) I think that those who had to overcome adverse backgrounds, work through school, dry-fire a ton because they couldn't afford ammo, stick with it harder because they didn't initially progress as quickly as others, etc., often eventually value their achievements more than those for whom it was easier and/or expected. In the end, I think Cha-Lee's right that there is "only optimizing what you have available to you given your circumstances." You don't know what someone else had to start with or to overcome to get to where they are, and even if you did, you don't know that what got them there will get you where you want to go. Chris - I think that's true more often than (most) people think, but not always. For example, is it true that someone who tried to escape Auschwitz but didn't just didn't want it badly enough? I don't know if effort, determination, and resourcefulness alone can get you all of the way there, but they can often get you surprisingly far.

GuildSF4 - Yikes, I'm glad your daughter discovered the broken bone eventually! And thanks - I have the COC Sport and can close it. Tim - I agree! Two-and-a-half hours is an eternity to meditate! We actually had an all-day mindfulness meditation retreat yesterday (where we did yoga for part of it and I hurt my ankle more, so I can't shoot the match today ). I haven't found the breathing and body awareness techniques to be that helpful, but I did enjoy the last meditation we did for the day, which was metta, or "loving-kindness," meditation. I think I spend a lot of time judging myself for what I perceive to be an unforgivable character flaw, instead of having compassion and accepting myself as I currently am. A while back, Rob Leatham told me to quit trying to focus on the front sight only and to see everything having to do with the shot and see most clearly the element that pertains to the quality of the shot I am trying to shoot. I read the post (SA even told me to read it twice, and I did!), but didn't understand it. I think I am beginning to now. When I started, I waited for a perfect, stopped sight picture on every shot and took my time pressing the trigger. This resulted in lots of A's and called shots. Recently I've been shooting much faster but getting C's and D's and misses and not calling my shots! For example, on Friday, David and I practiced a classifier, and I kept getting solid B times with crappy un-called hits. Telling myself to "slow down and get my hits" didn't seem to help.* I'd been feeling really frustrated and worried that not only was I not improving, but that my accuracy (formerly a strong point) might be deteriorating as well. But I think what is happening is that my speed has (for now) outpaced my accuracy. ** I'm figuring out that I don't need to see a perfect, stopped sight picture with a front sight focus on every shot, but I haven't yet figured out what I do need to see on different targets at different distances, so instead of seeing what I used to see, I'm often seeing nothing. I'm also realizing the limitations of dry-fire. I'm not yet good at breaking the shot while the sights are still moving (in recoil and from my steering them) and reading misaligned sights at different distances. * I know, I'm not supposed to shoot "more slowly" to get A's; I need to let my sights dictate the speed of my shooting. But I'm not there yet. ** Donovan has a good post about the damping progression that many shooters go through as they oscillate between seeing too much (going "too slow") and seeing not enough (going "too fast"). Friday's shooting-related thankful items: 3) having a good practice with David. 4) feeling my trigger reset while shooting at the Texas star and plate rack. Getting my hits on steel from a distance also restored my confidence that I can still shoot accurately and call my shots when I have all the time in the world. Yesterday's: 4) being able to tell Max knows how much shooting means to me and that he supports me :-| :-)

I've been taking a two-and-a-half hour mindfulness meditation class on Tuesday nights with my mother-in-law. She likes it a lot, but so far I haven't found it that helpful. I did enjoy (the second half of) tonight's session, though. We got into pairs, and I met a guy who is in my GSB cohort! (He asked what I meant by "was in [his] cohort," and I said that I had just submitted my formal withdrawal from the program. He seemed fascinated by that and said that he often wondered what, other than social skills and a valuable alumni network, he was getting out of the business school experience. We agreed that the coursework was neither very interesting nor challenging.) I've been thinking about accepting where I am, even though it is not where I would like to be. I hate feeling lost, and I try so hard to find work that feels challenging and meaningful. But what if I accepted the dissatisfaction, the emptiness, the restlessness? In the Bible, David spent a lot of time between getting anointed king and becoming king hiding out in caves and running from enemies. Abraham waited a long time between being told that his descendants would be "as numerous as the stars in the sky" and receiving Isaac through his barren wife. And the Israelites wandered the desert forty years. So there's a kind of waiting, longing, and dissatisfaction that is part of the (or some people's) story.* Today's shooting-related thankful items: 1) getting my ankle checked out (there's been a sharp, shooting pain whenever I step on it, and I was worried that it might be a stress fracture). But the doctor said it was just a torn or sprained ligament, and that it should heal soon. 5) instead of mindlessly munching in the car to stay awake while driving between clients, working on my support hand grip strength. (I still can't close the COC Trainer all the way, but I have to start somewhere. :-)) If I keep this up, I'll have to buy the bands that exercise the extensor muscles too. * I was reminded the other day that there are other people who have some kind of chronic internal dissatisfaction. A friend's sister has always wanted marriage and children more than anything else. But she's awkward around men, 60 pounds overweight, and 40 and has never had a serious boyfriend. She wonders (realistically) if she'll ever have a chance to share the love that she has inside.

Tar - Thanks. I know I overthink things sometimes. And, fast and effortless are good! Tim - Thanks so much for that! It helps to hear that other freelance workers battle hard against procrastination too, and that I'm not uniquely lazy. I think you're right that while structure in itself won't guarantee meaning and happiness, but it may help me to find it in the long run. What you said reminded me of something I read once - that having a skeleton (structure) is what allows us to have freedom to move and dance and shoot. Tonight's shooting-related thankful items: 1) swimming! I've had a series of leg and foot injuries (knees, shins, and now ankle) that have kept me from running. I realize that not moving makes me feel depressed, and that aerobic activity is good for my brain and mood and probably body as well. 4) shooting with Rogers at Richmond. Takeaways: 1) I need to do a LOT more live fire!! I've been doing so little live fire (mostly because of the ammo shortage), and I can tell my grip pressure, recoil control, and sight tracking are all off. 2) close my eyes and visualize each stage, including simple classifier stages! (We set up a practice classifier-type stage with a mandatory reload, and I didn't visualize and forgot the mandatory reload!) 3) exit a position on an easy, wide-open target so that I can shoot it on the move, 4) minimize distance traveled and end in a crouch position if I can (instead of crouching and then getting back up), 5) I need to work on accuracy, not pulling my second shot downward, and learn to shoot from reset (?).

Tar - Thanks for sharing how you learn and practice your draw! What about Bob Vogel's draw made you decide his was the one you wanted to emulate? I went for a walk with my friend Bojan today and had a good conversation. Bojan (pronounced BO-yan) is from Croatia and lived through the war. He emigrated to the U.S., studied at Stanford, and got a PhD in theoretical physics. Even though he is super smart, he's never had a "real" career (not for lack of trying). His wife is a tenured professor, and Bojan lives where she does and works on various projects from home (at one point, he was an Amazon Top 10 reviewer). But he doesn't have a "real" job. I said, "I don't know how you do it. The other day, I didn't have a client until 1 in the afternoon, and I just lay in bed thinking of a reason to get up." "I feel like I know all these people on tracks to prestigious things -- I'm smart, I'm educated, I want to be the kind of person that Stanford produces (the kind of person that Max is, for example), and I'm not."* I sniffled and added, "I believe that Jesus came to give us life more full and abundant, and that the fruit of God's Spirit is love, joy, peace, etc., but I don't experience that. Emptiness and meaninglessness are things that I fight almost every single day of my life." Bojan gave me a hug and said he understands, and that lots of people are not where they want to be. A lot of people bear daily crosses in all sorts of ways. Maybe it's normal to feel desultory and sad at this point in the story. A lot of successful artists and entrepreneurs talk about fighting a daily battle against procrastination and hopelessness for years, even decades.** And for every one who succeeds, there are many who do not. (But it takes just as much courage to have tried and failed as it does to have tried and succeeded.) * Clearly the conventional track doesn't work for me - I worked at Google and hated it, turned down med school, and dropped out of business school. But I find it so hard to build a meaningful life without the structure." ** Paul Graham writes: "The problem with feeling you're doomed is not just that it makes you unhappy, but that it makes you stop working." Tonight's shooting-related thankful item: 1) getting good advice on the scoop draw

pa5oh - Great point about the live fire and shooting two accurate shots, thanks! Donovan and Pat - Thanks for concurring!

Thanks for all the tips, guys! I'm experimenting with the scoop and side draw from different start positions in dry-fire. Donovan - I like how you name the priorities as 1) getting a good grip and 2) speed. What are you using to make the light show where you hit the target? BritinUSA - Thanks! Your description makes sense, and I actually like the side draw surprisingly much (from one dry-fire session). It's faster than the up-down draw I had been doing, not as fast as the scoop, but I can get a consistent grip each time.

Tar - I know! It's really hard for me too. I drive >2 hours to practice with David at Oakdale, where we can set up targets, or try to shoot with my friend Rogers, who is an RO at Richmond and can practice there on weekdays. My dream is that one day Max will be a law professor somewhere we can buy a piece of land and have a private range.* Not-So-Mad-Matt - Thanks! I've seen that study too. I think there are likely biological differences that contribute to the prevalence of eating disorders among women. * Unfortunately, the top law schools are in gun-unfriendly places, like New York City, Boston, and Chicago. Tonight's shooting-related thankful items: 2) practicing with David. Takeaways: 1) I am too slow getting the gun out of the holster in the draw. 2) When shooting around a barricade, stand as far back as possible. 3) Metronome practice transitions. 3) shooting a Texas star for the first time!

How do you grab the gun from the holster during your hands-at-sides draw? Right now my strong hand comes up over the back of the gun, then back down in a perfect (or near perfect) grip before bringing it up. My friend who has a much faster draw suggested that I try scooping the gun with three fingers (thus eliminating the up-down-up motion) and adjusting my grip on the way up. And when do you acquire a perfect grip - when the gun is still in the holster or after it has come out? Thanks!

Tonight's thankful items: 3) having a good practice with Rogers! Maybe I will feel differently when I start winning matches, but I prefer practice, especially when it is with a friend who is a good and serious shooter and we can set up whatever we want! Takeaways from today: 1) at "Make ready," close my eyes and imagine how I will shoot the stage - where every target is, where I will do a reload, 2) sprint to the next position, decelerate as I come into position, and break the shot right as I come into position, 3) don't overstep my next position while looking at my gun during a reload, 4) make sure to load at "Load and make ready!" 4) having a .22 pistol so I can practice even when I am SUPER low on 9mm's! 5) that shooting is so much fun! :-D :-)

Thanks, Jon and Steve! I'm not too concerned about it - it's just a starting point from which to improve. <personal> Yesterday was an uber mega gobble. It's *so* dark, sometimes I wake up and think, why should I continue? But there are other people who watch my struggles and don't laugh at them, and some who have shared with me about their struggles, and of course Max who loves me and is in it with me. And giving up would be letting all of them down. But sometimes I just want to say, "God I can't do it." I've been thinking a lot about repentance - it means "turning around." I remember one of the Fathers saying that all of this life is given for repentance. Sometimes I feel like this struggle with gobbling is the only thing in the universe that is outside of the reach of God's love. But I know that can't be true. If I went to one of the saints (and who knows, maybe persevering is how you become one) and said, "I don't think that I can be freed from my sins.* I think I alone in all the world am impervious to God, and freedom, and life," they would laugh and tell me not to be so full of myself. Many saints (some who are known to us and many who were not) spent an entire lifetime in fasting, poverty, generosity, kindness, patience, love. They gave up everything for many years to attain what they truly wanted. I haven't even come close to that degree of dedication and sacrifice. So giving up now is definitely premature. * or illness, or habit, or whatever (or whatever mixture) it is. Things that I am thankful for today: 1) Blade Tech sending me a replacement hardware kit (one of the screws in my holster fell out on Sunday, and I suspect it is somewhere on the ground at the Oakdale range) 2) that even though overcoming gobbling is REALLY REALLY REALLY hard for me, other things (like learning math and making friends) come easily. 3) the emoticons on Benos: </personal>

Thanks for the feedback! Jon - I think I'm going to stick with the DAA race master pouches. I didn't say no wasted motions, but no obvious wasted motions. Alex - I can't do 1.7 sec shot-to-shot reloads at 10 yards yet! Tonight's shooting-related items: 2) getting classified in USPSA! I'm a C in Production (~53%?). Lots of phenomenal shooters have started out in C class. I would have been thrilled with an initial B and disappointed with a D, so C is just fine. Things I need to work on: reducing my draw and reload times in dry-fire, Bill-type drills in live fire, wide transitions on partially covered targets, and learning when to take a miss instead of changing a mag on the last shot. 5) David being a great shooting buddy!

Jon - I don't mind the blister, it means I'm practicing! But based on what Paul, Steve, and Tim* said, I was hitting the mag in the pouch in the wrong spot. I was lining up my index finger along the front of the mag but not placing the mag firmly in the palm of my hand. My reloads are really slow (~1.7 sec in live fire), and I'm not making obvious wasted motions, so I think that getting an ineffective grip on my fresh mag is part of the problem. Obviously I need to do a ton more reps too... Sleepswithdogs - . I was thinking of your eye of the needle comment when I wrote that. BritinUSA - Thanks! That's super helpful. Tim - Yes. I should probably also pay attention to the placement and angling of my mag pouches. *I know I haven't been consistent about referring to people by names or aliases. It feels more natural to use names (especially with those of you I correspond with or know in person), but a public thread is easier to follow with aliases. I'll probably keep switching back and forth.

Jon - Don't rub it in. I've seen the chickens but not the rabbits yet! Tim (toothguy) and Tim (TJ1911) - Yeah, the squeeze cocker design is quite something. The red spot on my thumb (it's a blood blister) is where my hand is hitting the mag hardest during reloads. Is that where I want to be hitting the mag, or do I want the blister to be an inch down in the webbing between my thumb and first finger? I'm a little reluctant to keep sharing personal stuff on my range diary after accidentally coming upon a thread on a different forum that was mostly not about me but still hurt my feelings. And seeing Mandi's sensible admonition to keep this forum "fun and helpful and not a place to talk about personal issues that have nothing to do with the sport itself." Donovan told me to channel my inner and just write what I want and let people help me if they want, and to keep connecting with the friends who've opened up to me because of what I've shared.Ugh. I told Max that I wished I could be the kind of shooter who is just into shooting and the outdoors. But even if/when I get very good, I don't think I can or ever will be like that. Shooting technique and guns are interesting to me to a certain point, but what I love about shooting - and thinking and talking about it - is how it becomes a Narnia wardrobe door to - life.

Gary - Not if you practiced more! I shot my XDm for the first time today since cleaning it, and it worked perfectly for ~180 rounds until I tried shooting WHO. Then it malfunctioned almost every shot. Gripping tighter and resting my thumb against the frame seemed to help. Today's shooting-related thankful items: 3) practicing with David. Takeaways from today: 1) I need to dry-fire reloads using a par timer. I did my first reload in 1.9 sec and turned to David and asked, "1.9 sec isn't horrible for a reload, is it?" And David answered, "Yes it is!" :-p 2) I need to get better at adjusting my speed and what I need to see when going from a close-up "hoser" target to a target that requires more accuracy. (i.e., I need to be able to transition better between targets of different difficulty level). 4) trying David's HK P7M13, which is the second gun I have tried that I have immediately loved (the first was Jeremy's XDm, which is now my competition gun). If I ever get a carry permit, the HK P7M13 is at the top of my list! 5) seeing a toad on the range! 6) Tyler (GreenDragon64) giving me advice on what to do for my shin splints

BritinUSA - Thanks, Paul! toothguy - Thanks, Tim! I'm glad you think it's a useful thread. GuildSF4 - You too, Steve! Jon - I too have been amazed at how many experienced shooters have gone out of their way to help me. Sleepswithdogs - Thanks, Jim! That means a lot! Rob - It's okay. Have fun training for Bianchi. I truly appreciate your following my progress, and I hope you continue to post (less partisan) advice if and whenever you want. I think I speak for many others as well. Yesterday's thankful item: 2) David and Jon helping me to source some 9mm ammo! I need to get a reload press soon...

BritinUSA - Thanks for bringing that up! I need to and will number my mags. GuildSF4 - They started before my gun dropped in the sand on Sunday and after it dropped on Friday. Jon - I'm working on developing my grip strength. The malfunctions were failures to feed and eject. Rob - Lesson learned. I'll do that from now on.* * I'm trying to decide whether to apologize or not for having misled or wasted the time of those who were trying to help me by not stating the relevant facts up front. (Max says I apologize for things that are not my fault. (To which I reply, "Sorry!")) If I did mislead anyone or indirectly provoke an insult, I'm sorry.

Thanks for all the helpful suggestions! I was shooting Blazer Brass factory ammo. (I'd shot about 700 rounds of BB 9mm's through it prior to the match with zero malfunctions, so it wasn't that.) I bought the gun used from my friend, who installed a Powder River trigger, replaced the spring, and polished the mag release. What's the bullet shape/profile, how can I tell what mine is, and what difference does it make? The gun also fell from my holster into the sand twice - once at practice on Friday and once during the match (I ended up tightening the screw on my holster!) - so that may have contributed to the malfunctions as well. Rob - Thanks so much for offering to help me fix bugs in my platform. I know you helped to develop the XDm, so you know more about the platform than anyone else. If my gun continues to give me trouble, I will ask you for advice! As an aside, Donovan is my friend, and (I think) he was (mostly) joking. One of the joys of being a writer is being able to build rapport across time and space and yes, over a keyboard. BritinUSA - That's the plan. We think alike! GuildSF4 and d_striker - Thanks! Now I know that stovepipes are most often caused by slow slide velocity. d_striker - What's your theory on the mag seating? Jon - You were almost but not entirely correct in your recollection. The gun began to malfunction on the second stage of the day, when I shot WHO. It jammed between every shot, and looking back, I may have been causing failures to feed by not dumping the mag and allowing the stuck bullet to fall out. It then performed fine the next two stages and jammed starting with the second port of the last stage, which was two-handed. The malfunctions continued from there up to the last WHO section.