Cow Politics

[EricW]

A variation on an oldie, but still funny anyway:

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful.

Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.

The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it.

It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support A

man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from

your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you

For the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are

Surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the

analysts stating you have downsized and Are reducing expenses. Your

stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

You go to lunch and drink wine.

Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and

produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably

crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give

excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately

they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

You break for lunch.

Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have some vodka.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You have some more vodka.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.

You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private

parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they

were in The hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.

They go into hiding.

They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.

Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.

Everyone votes for the best looking one.

Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.

Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people

can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from

out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow.

NEW YORK CORPORATION

You have fifteen million cows.

You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you

pick some fat cow from Arkansas

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows

Most are illegals

Arnold likes the ones with the big tits.

[Merlin Orr]

Politics 101...

[SiG Lady]

Well worth repeating on a regular basis...! Thanks!

I see that some 'new' cows have been added since the last time I saw this...

[bountyhunter]

"IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.

They go into hiding.

They send radio tapes of their mooing."

You have two cows. The UN claims you have 2,000 cows which are capable of giving more milk than you are allowed to have under their resolution. They demand you kill the 2000 cows and give them the bodies as proof you complied. You reply that you don't know how to kill cows you don't have. Your failure to deliver 2000 dead cows is ruled a "material breach" of the resolution.

Then somebody claims that you are breeding cows which give poison milk and threaten the world. You claim that your cows don't even give any milk anymore because they are too frightened by the fighter planes flying over all the time.

Then they show pictures at the UN of large dangerous looking buildings where they have proof that millions of deadly cows are being cloned and weaponized. You reply that it's actually a picture of a parking garage near the mall. They give you an ultimatum that you must stop weaponizing cows and deliver all 200 million of the deadly cows or face invasion. You reply that 200 million cows would not even fit in your country.

So, you are invaded. The cows are never found and that is taken as absolute proof that they were here, or else why would you have hidden them so cleverly? Most of your country is laid waste and life becomes very bad..... but at least you have democracy. Actually, you don't... democracy is where you get to vote for whoever you want. What you have is the kind where you get to vote for who ever the occupational force puts into the ruling councils. But, trust us, they're nice people and you'll get to like them.

[Flexmoney]

ummmmmm....cheeseeee....burrrr...geeeerrrs.