Funny Courtroom Exchange

[dirtypool40]

One we'd all like to witness, I did and I thought you guys might get a chuckle.

Everyone, even non-attorneys who watch "nightcourt" KNOW you don't ask a question of a witness you don't know, KNOW how they will answer. Some folks need reminding.

So "this guy I know" is called as a witness, in a trial recently. Didn't know he was going to be called, what would be asked, or any other prep. The trial was a divorce and the line of questioning about child custody, and obviously had nothing to do with guns. But the opposition had told his attorney that the uncle was a shooter and in trying to make him seem like an unsafe unfluence on a minor relative the oppostition jumped at the chance to ask "gun questions".

This did NOT take place in a FREE state.

The amusing parts of the exchange went something like this:

A= asshat, or opposing attorney your choice.

W= Witness, an uncle of the minor child in the divorce.

A: And what are your Hobbies?

W: among other things I'm a competitive shooter.

A: (Horrified at the mention of guns in a "gun free" state) really, describe this "hobby".

W: Rough, breif description of IDPA and IPSC.

A: [spoken with genuine, concerned, John Edwards style histrionics] And how many guns were loose in the house when (nephew) was staying with you? (Presumably crawling around like live snakes looking for evil that needed doing )

W: None. They were either locked in my car or stored as described by my state laws.

A: have you ever taken (nephew) shooting? [hoping to imply it was done without BOTH parents permission]

W: No Sir. In fact (Nephew) has never seen any of my guns.

A: [hmm, no help there, let's try another approach] And what is you skill level at this "sport"

W: (Brief description of the classification system used and the number of shooters active in the US before adding) ....our classes run from D, C, B, A, Master and Grand Master. I'm classified as a Grand Master.

A: You testified earlier you also teach classes. Who do you teach?

W: Other competitors, private citezens licensed to carry, military, law enforcement, like the bailif there.

A: [insert derisive sneer] And you think being this big "grand master" qualifies you to teach shooting?

W: No Sir.

A: Do you have any credentials to teach?

W: Yes Sir, I'm federally certified as a firearms instructor.

A: [damn, I stepped right on my soft pink parts there didn't I?] No further questions for this witness.

This was one of those times you could see the guy wanting to object to his own questions and "strike his next remark" before it was out of his mouth.

Afterwards the attorney for the child or "JAL" talked with the witness casually about his father's interest in Bianchi Cup and the similarities to IPSC.

Edited July 14, 2008 by dirtypool40

[CSEMARTIN]

Outstanding!

[dajarrel]

A: [damn, I stepped right on my soft pink parts there didn't I?] No further questions for this witness.

Gosh, I love it when someone steps on their own "soft pink parts"

dj

[ChrisStock]

Outstanding!

Eric, I swear, my eyes are a watering reading this...thanks for sharing!

[austinkroe]

Divorce attorneys are silly.

I once saw one say, "what is good for the goose is good for the gander." Opposing counsel's objection was that animal husbandry had no bearing on the court.