Liberals and a Marine

[Jake Di Vita]

Smoney just sent this to me...it's pretty good.

News Anchor Dan Rather, NPR Reporter Cokie Roberts, and a U.S. Marine were hiking through the desert one day when they were captured by Iraqis. They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the leader. The leader said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and dismember you, do you have any last requests?"

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot, spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job until the end."

The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the ass," said the Marine."

"What?" asked the leader? "Will you mock us in your last hour?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from inside his cammies, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, the Iraqis were dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying the others, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?"

"What!?" said the Marine, "And have you liberal assholes call ME the aggressor?!?"

OORAH!

[Steve Anderson]

I believe it all except for Dan Rather being a Texan.

SA

(Born in Dallas and F'ing proud of it!)

[Vince Pinto]

News Anchor Dan Rather, The Reverend Jesse Jackson, NPR reporter Cokie Roberts, and an American Marine were hiking through the jungle one day when they were captured by cannibals. They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief.

The chief said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you have any last requests?"

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot, spicy chili." The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Jesse Jackson said, "You know, the thing in this life I am proudest of is my work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I want to sing "We Shall Overcome" one last time." The chief said, "Go right ahead, we're listening." Jackson sang the song, and then said, "Now I can die in peace."

Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job until the end." The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The chief turned and said, "And now, Mr. Marine, what is your final wish?"

"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.

"What?" said the chief. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine. So the chief shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass.

The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying the others, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?

"What!?" said the Marine, "And have you liberal assholes call ME the aggressor?!?"

[Merlin Orr]

The Marine should have waited till the cannibals were ready to start the fourth course.....Wait... that might not work. The Marine would have had to cook longer - they are damn sure tough.

[AikiDale]

I think you have us figured out Vince....

This reminds me of a true story.

A friend of mine was taking a LEO firearms instructor course. The instructor reminded the class to only point a firearm at legitimate targets, then asked what constituted a legitimate target. My friend volunteered, "Democrats, Sir?" To which the instructor replied, "It's not about Democrats and Republicans, it's about liberals and Americans!"

[Merlin Orr]

Subject: Dan Rather

Dan Rather of CBS news was seated next to little Tommy on the plane

when Rather turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk, I've heard that

flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passengers.

LittleTommy, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to

Rather, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know" said Rather, "How

about politics? Should we keep Bush as president or elect Kerry?"

"OK" said Little Tommy, "That could be an interesting topic but let me ask you

a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass. The same

stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out flat patties,

and a horse excretes clumps of dried grass. Why do you think that is?"

"Jeez" said Rather, 'I have no idea." "Well then" said Little Tommy, How is

it you feel qualified to discuss who should run this country when you don't

know Sh*t?"

[AikiDale]

[Jim Norman]

It seems that Peter Jennings, Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks, and a US Marine were recently captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the group addressed the three captives and stated, that even though they might not believe it, that they are a civilized people. THey would grant one last wish before the three were to die tomorrow morning.

Peter Jennings asked that he be allowed to interview the leader and have the tape sent off to his HQ so that it would be known that he was on the job till the end. It was agreed to.

Natalie Maines asked that she be allowed to record a new song telling of the anguish the Leader felt in having to kill them and to have the recording sent home so that everyone would know where she stood right until the end. It was agreed.

The Marine asked that the Leader kick him in the ass. Puzzled the Leader asked the Marine to please repeat his request, the Marine again asked to be kicked in the ass. The Leader while still puzzled agreed and asking the Marine to turn around delivered a swift kick. The Marine rolled with the kick, reached under his blouse and pulled out his Beretta, put two in the Leader's chest, picked up the Leader's dropped AK and proceeded to eliminate the balance of the group.

Jennings and Maines are incredulous. At once both of them start yelling at the Marine, "You had the gun all the time?, Why didn't you shoot them earlier? What is wrong with you?

To which the Marine replied:" What, and have you go back to the US and tell everyone that I was a bloodthirsty aggressor?"

[blackdragon]

Ivan

[SmittyFL]

Would have been funnier if he had shot them also.