Spousal Abuse

[bountyhunter]

Weird co-dependencies can occur more often than we realize...

On that note, I read that about 40% of spousal abuse cases are men getting beat on by women. Not always huge, massive women... just mean women.

BTW, very few of those get reported because men are ashamed to admit they are scared to death of their wives.

[bountyhunter]

The words that were coming out of his mouth just floored me.

I remember after OJ murdered his wife, this issue came up a lot. The people who deal with abuse call it "beater babble"... it's the BS they spew to rationalize it. In OJ's interviews he would use phrases like "got physical" instead of the accurate phrsae: "beat the hell out of her".

They live their whole lives in denial.

[BritinUSA]

I've spent the past few days debating whether or not to jump into this thread. It seems to me that there has been little in the way of sympathy towards the victim of spousal abuse. The rationale being that the woman (and it is a woman in most cases) will not leave their abusive husband/boyfriend nor will she press charges.

There are reasons for this and they are rather simple:

There are two parts to spousal abuse; Physical and mental. The physical abuse is generally obvious and has been covered already in this topic. The mental abuse has not been. When a man beats a woman he is exerting control over her. He is pushing down her will, her independence and her sense of self-worth.

The longer this continues, the less worth the woman feels that she has. She want's to be in a supportive and loving relationship but her self-esteem is so low that she feels that she will NEVER find a better partner, so stays in this relationship (as bad as it is) because she feels there is nothing better that she can get.

She has no value in herself, she feels worthless.

Until that feeling of self-worth is restored, she won't leave that abusive relationship or do anything that will cause her to be left alone. I don't fully understand the laws regarding the pressing of charges etc. but it would seem to me that the best chance of prosecution is to get the woman some outside help (away from the spousal unit) and work to rebuild her self-esteem. Once she realises that she can find a better relationship, she won't risk the relationship that she has.

[SA Friday]

GP, I haven't spoken to my father in years. He knows that until he gets dry (he a drunk), he isn't allowed in my house and I don't have time to go to his.

This rule goes for anyone in a condition of co-dependency. You gotta tell the neighbor wife, no counseling, this house is off limits and my wife isn't going over to yours. She has to break the cycle while she can, or you cannot support her in any way unless she is getting mentally healthy. It feeds the co-dependency and puts you in the middle of it. It's the hardest thing for the empathetic, but without change in that lady her husband will be back in the house and your neighbor in a year. Then you are in for it. She has the opportunity to rebuild through counseling now while the guy is in jail. No counseling, no contact.