spook Posted December 17, 2004 Share Posted December 17, 2004 A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc.... After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead, lay down & wallow in the mud when they are pregnant. The farmer hangs up & gives this some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means that he has to impregnate the pigs. So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back & goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes & looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up & drives them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud. 'No,' she says, 'they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted December 17, 2004 Share Posted December 17, 2004 What was the name of this movie? I think I missed this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcoliver Posted December 18, 2004 Share Posted December 18, 2004 Ahhh....Babes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant ?" The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not." The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week. The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass." "Neither,"yelled his wife, "They're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diehli Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 http://www.brianenos.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=19129 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 http://www.brianenos...showtopic=19129 Your search foo is strong.....er than mine..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimmyZip Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 http://www.brianenos...showtopic=19129 Your search foo is strong.....er than mine..... Gee Merlin. was this the thread that took you over 10K? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 http://www.brianenos...showtopic=19129 Your search foo is strong.....er than mine..... Gee Merlin. was this the thread that took you over 10K? If humor posts counted I would probably be at 15K... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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