New Stock Terms

[atbarr]

New Stock Terms

CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET -A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps

crashing.

BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.

STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT - an archaic word no longer in use.

If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

But ---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer,

then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.

It's called the 401-Keg.

A.T.