JKrispies' Re-Start Diary

[jkrispies]

An introduction: who I am, where I'm at, and where I'm going...

I've been shooting my whole life, primarily pistols and revolvers since the age of 18, which was 21 years ago. Around 2004 I began shooting in the "Practical Pistol Discipline" of my local club, which isn't affiliated with either IDPA or USPSA, but ran their monthly matches on the IDPA model. As a teacher, I could get off work at a time that allowed me to get to the range for a few hours about once a week, plus the match, and my skills progressed at an admirable pace. Then, in 2006, I was promoted to Vice Principal, which took my workweek from 40ish hours a week to about 50 hours per week, and I became a new father. Obviously, this cut into my practice time, but it was at a small school and my principal is a gun guy who supported my hobby. More importantly, there was no weekend work required, so even though I couldn't practice at the range anymore, I could dry fire at home, sneak off to the range once or twice a month after work, then compete on the weekends. I joined the USPSA and Steel Challenge and started doing two and sometimes three competitions a month. Being much better at Steel Challenge, I concentrated on that and registered for the 2009 World Championships in Piru, also my home range.

And then the assistant superintendent walked into my office. He says I'm doing a really great job, the higher-ups wanted to "give me more responsibility" and transferred me from my school of 600 students to a site with 3200 students. Great. Now my work weeks averaged about 60 hours, including various Saturdays. The World Championships I'd signed up for were scheduled for the first week of the next school year. This was not a problem at my old site, but not a great way to introduce myself to a new staff so I dropped out. Having logged my match times prior to the World Championships, I know I would have done well enough to make it worth my while.

Over the next two and a half years, despite my initial attempts to the contrary, I gave up on trying to practice shooting. Trying to compete was pointless since I either had to work on competition Saturdays, I was too tired to compete even if the date was open, or I just plain needed to spend the day with my wife and child. The final straw came after I'd worked 14 hours straight on a Friday. Saturday rolled around, it was the first I'd had off in a few weekends, and I just honest to God wanted to shoot my gun. There was a USPSA competition that I'd been looking forward to all month, so I woke up early and drove an hour to the match. On stage 2 I had an AD when transitioning from one target to the next in a string of fire, quite simply because I was too f'ing exhausted and never should have been out there thinking that I was okay to do a run and gun event. I got DQ'd by a grandmaster I respected tremendously, and I was sent home with my head hanging low. As much as I regret it to this day, that was the last USPSA competition I did, not because I was too embarrassed or gun-shy to shoot USPSA again, but because I could no longer practice properly, and I decided that it was better to walk away rather than be unsafe. I continued to shoot Steel Challenge when I could, but even that stopped not too long afterwards.

I gained 30 pounds due to lack of exercise and stress.

Last May I took a day off in the middle of the week so that I wouldn't work over my contract days and thus donate time to my employer. I went to the range to blow off some steam for once. As I was walking back and forth from the benches to the 100 yard line, I felt what I thought was a pulled muscle in my left butt cheek. A month later it still hurt and was getting worse. Two months with the chiropractor and it was REALLY getting painful. He ordered an MRI and told me to find a back specialist. Turns out that I had a severely herniated disk. The doctor advised surgery but said that I could try a series of three epidural shots to subside the pain and maybe my body would heal itself in the meanwhile. I opted to avoid surgery and got onto a diet and exercise regimen to lose weight. By this point school was back in full swing. The series of three shots was supposed to be spread across 6 weeks, but my work schedule didn't allow me to take the required time off to get the shots, so it took me over three months to get the full series in. They didn't work. One day in January I was sitting at my desk, my head in my hands that were shaking uncontrollably from the pain, and I nearly had to ask somebody to drive me home because I was in so much agony my eyes wouldn't focus properly. Surgery was the only option.

As of this writing, I'm 7 weeks into the recovery stage after surgery, and I'm still not even allowed to start physical therapy because of course there's been complications. Throughout all of this, I've had way, way, WAY too much time to think. Really what all the thinking has boiled down to is: what the hell is important to me? In this order, it is:

1. I will be the father and husband that my daughter and my wife deserve. (If I'm not healthy, then I can't do all the things with them that makes a family a family-- I know this because my father's back was destroyed before I was born.)

2. I need to financially support my family. (Yet, if I'm not healthy, I can't work.)

3. I need to be healthy for me.

So, yeah, even though "health" is third on the list of three, it's really the keystone to everything. For this reason, I'm openly acknowledging that I took a wrong turn in my life, and it's my fault.

I truly have no idea where I'm going to be a year or six months from now with my job. Despite all the sick days, I'm doing a great job and they love me (screw humility, it's a fact) so the choice is mine... which kinda sucks in a way. I do know that I can't keep going like I have. Which brings me back to shooting...

If I know anything about myself, it's that I can be physically fit, because up until a few years ago, I was very fit. The thing is that I need a real motivator--a goal--to be fit, rather than just knowing that it's the right thing to do. When I was single, I stayed fit because I wanted to get laid. After I got married, I stayed fit because I was competing. Then the job transfer occurred, and competition was stolen away from me. Gradually, I convinced myself that I needed to spend 10 hours a day at work because my colleagues needed me and I was helping kids. Unfortunately, I was literally killing my body in the process. I have to start being selfish whether my Catholic Guilt approves of it or not.

So. I've recommitted myself to competitive shooting, so I need to be physically fit. I've joined IDPA, because building a solid core of muscle in my trunk is the only thing I can do that will help to keep me from blowing out yet more disks in my back. I love shooting, and I'm going to do more of it because I love my family more and need to be healthy for them. So there it all is, laid out for whoever would bother reading all of this blathering??? Clearly, the only person who would read this is me and the one guy at benos with insomnia. Maybe a moderator whose computer program flagged a bad word in my narrative. Sorry, guy and moderator, that you couldn't find a more interesting diary to read than this one.

So here's the diary part, and all the upcoming blogs will be true range diaries from a guy who can't make it to the range: right now I'm waking up every morning and doing about 45 minutes of dry fire before I go to work. The doctor doesn't know this, but I'm calling it physical therapy, and anybody who says I shouldn't be doing it can kiss my rear end. As for real trigger time... well, that's going to have to be at the competition and I'll have to live with that. So far I've planned to do one Steel Challenge and one IDPA but couldn't due to my back, so they've come and gone. Another Steel Challenge has passed due to a family obligation. Now I'm planning on hitting the IDPA meet at the end of the month.

I don't believe in luck, and I don't believe in trying. I'm only do. Feel free to throw your advice my way if you so please.

Best,

John

Edited April 5, 2012 by jkrispies

[seancswife]

well as the 1st insomniac to reply to your post, good luck! i am totally with you. i needed a goal for myself to loose weight, it just happened to be a wedding, but i am 20 lbs lighter then i was 6 months ago, the wedding is in a month. as for shooting, i like reading all the range logs to see what folks do and how progress is measured. it's 1:37 am here one the east coast, time to keep reading and hope i all back to sleep soon.

[jkrispies]

Ha, thanks, yes. I actually lost around 30 pounds prior to the surgery, and I've gained 10ish back because I was essentially bed bound for awhile. Then, of course, my body rejected the internal sutures I had and they needed to open me up all over again to pull those out. So... 7 weeks out and walking is still the only exercise I'm allowed to do. Once I'm cleared to do real exercise then I intend to re-lose the recently gained 10 plus another 10 and really build up the strength around my core.

Congratulations and good luck with your wedding!

Okay, no more typing... must dry fire...

[jkrispies]

Got my stitches out yesterday, so now I feel like a million bucks compared to a month ago. Lots of atrophy in my left hip that's causing me fits, but I'm working on that. Basically, it's the difference between feeling muscle pain vs. nerve pain. This is a good pain... I guess?

Since I didn't mention it previously, and should, I'm practicing for IDPA Stock Service Pistol with my old G17 rig. The current goal is to stick with that till I hit master... and if that takes awhile (or never) then I'm okay with that because it's the journey which matters. Once I hit SSP master, I'll use the same gun for ESP to rank myself as master. Once that happens... I'll probably retire the Glock and return to my favorite gun, which is a 1911, and work towards master of that. Then there's the revolver, but chances are I'll stop at Custom Defensive Pistol.

I really, really wanted to hit the Steel Challenge match in Piru today; however, it's the daughter's 4th birthday. 'Nuff said. (Well, that, and after spending a few hours getting the house ready for her party, my hip is yelling at me. Body still needs work...)

As I dry fire, I'm experiencing something I've noticed my entire life: when you think you're really good at a particular skill and then step away from it for a bit, you come back with greater maturity and a certain detachment from the old habits that is healthy. This detachment allows you to see things freshly and begin creating better new habits. Novelists say that you shouldn't use a personal experience as inspiration until a decade or two have passed because it takes that long to develop enough detachment to truly understand the event in all of its shades. I'm taking that philosophy to my dry firing. Yes, I used to be faster, but now I understand why I wasn't as accurate as I wanted to be, and I'd rather be slower and more accurate than faster and less controlled.

Still not a lot of bang time, but I'm all good. 2000 JHP's from Precision Delta are in the mail, so my Dillon will be beckoning soon...

Edited April 7, 2012 by jkrispies

[jkrispies]

I had an epiphany this morning when I realized that I could probably mix my physical workouts with my dry fire practice. I'm trying to figure out a routine where I can do upper body exercises using a medicine ball, and do my dry fires between sets. This way I can keep my heart rate up between sets as I practice shooting on the move, etc. Also, since I'm doing my dry fires at 5am, I think the physical workout will help me to wake up faster and get a better overall (read: more cognizant) dry fire session in. The downside is that this will result in less actual "trigger time" during the dry fire, but perhaps a greater overall practice session since I'll be more awake. Will see how it goes and check back in.

Other than that, just did the first of three working Saturdays in a row. Last Saturday started at 3pm and ended at 3am, so the worst is out of the way. Dryfire sessions are going well as long as I get a full night's sleep in ahead of time. Will start doing real physical therapy (again) this week, but I'm exercising on my own.

HOPEFULLY I'll get an IDPA match in this Saturday since I'm working the night-- the real question is how exhausted I'll be by the end of the week since last weekend provided no rest and pretty much trashed my sleep cycle.

[jkrispies]

Felt too exhausted to compete but went to the Steel Challenge range. If that was any indication of what I'd have done at the match, it's a good thing I didn't compete!!! For one thing, I had a new load that wasn't shooting worth a darn. Need to get that dialed in. That, and it's got me wondering if I should switch back to CDP/SS. That 1911 feels so much better in my hand... I'm going to play with the loads this week (will be able to get in some range time this week after work if there's no emergencies) and if I can't get it dialed in to my satisfaction I think I may just switch back to the 1911.

New focus, though: Steel Challenge regionals in June.

[jkrispies]

Went to the range today to test out some 9mm loads. Reminded once again that I need some clear shooting glasses for use on overcast days...

[jkrispies]

Nerve racking moment at work today. Had to assist in restraining a student to protect the safety of one of my security guards until backup arrived. He was getting head butted and bit, so I couldn't just stand back and watch. I ended up bit too and my back got wrenched, sending me to the hospital as a precaution when I started feeling pain. Dr. is confident I'm okay but got lucky since my back is still recovering following the surgery. Note to self: don't leave the office anymore... Have to stay home tomorrow by doctor's orders, but pain is subsiding so I think all is well.

[jkrispies]

A little stiff today after yesterday's episode, but not too bad at all. Good news.

Got some range time in today. Did a little experiment and set up a simulated Pendulum plate (10" paper plate at 18 yards) and did a side-by-side comparison shooting my 1911 vs. the G17. The test was three 25 shot groups on the paper plates to compare the groups and POI. I used my best available load for the G17 and a mismatched bunch of leftover reloads (mixed primers, mixed powder weights) that have been sitting in the corner of my garage for a couple of years. When all was said and done, even with the crap ammo I was feeding the 1911 its worst group was better than the best G17 group. So... change of plans and I'm officially switching back to the 1911 until I bring the ammo and/or gun up to my standard of accuracy. What sucks is that I used to have a great Zero load, but now it's pretty much impossible to get the Zeroes even after they raised the prices. Oh, well... life goes on, and I like the 1911 better anyway.

[jkrispies]

Another big setback. Felt pain in my incision again, and the doctor diagnosed it as more stitches being "spit" out of my body. I suspect that this is a result of my tussle with the intoxicated student who managed to shake them loose... though the stitches would have come out at some point regardless. I guess it's best that they came out sooner rather than later. Anyway, I went under the knife once more yesterday and I'm on sick leave through the remainder of the week while I heal up some.

Beyond that, I tried to do a Steel Challenge match last weekend, which ended up being an enjoyable disaster. My shooting partner bailed on me at the last minute, so I got a late start. The wife came with so that we had a date day. Unfortunately both of us had magazine issues, and then lolly gaggers at the last stage held us up so that we had to leave without finishing the match due to time running out with the baby sitter. So, I'm still essentially matchless for goodness knows how long now. The good news is that if I throw out the runs with magazine issues, my times were fair considering how long I've been out of the game... and the fact that I had a bleeding hole in my back (literally) throughout the match.

Yes, I'm trucking on, but frankly I'm getting depressed by it all to the point that I'm starting to struggle with the will to move forward with competition training. Starting to get stuck in a funk.

Edited May 10, 2012 by jkrispies

[jkrispies]

Well, a little hopeful news on the shooting front... They just posted the results for last weekend's Steel Challenge that my wife and I kinda competed in. We had to leave early to get back to the babysitters (stupid lolly gaggers holding up the last station!!!) but if I'd been able to shoot that last postion--assuming my gun didn't competely blow up--I would have had a good 10-15 seconds fastest time for my division (CDP).

Yes, my time still would have been terrible, and yes the #1 CDP guy at my club was shooting Limited for some reason, but at least there were enough people out there whose times were more terrible than mine to put a smile on my face.

Better bullets than I've shot in years are supposedly on the way to me in the mail, which I anticipate will make a big difference for me-- both cleaner and more accurate. Next month, I'm tearing it up!!!!!

[jkrispies]

Been awhile since I updated, so here goes... Shot the West Coast Steel Challenge and... had my proverbial rear-end handed to me, lol. I literally shot the worst cummulative time I'd ever done in Steel Challenge. Basically, I've come to grips with the fact that I ain't what I used to be. Having acknowledged that, I was watching the guys shooting rimfire with their 10/22's, and everybody was beaming from the fun. Looking to put a red dot on my mouse-fart gun, and I'll see what I can accomplish. There's at least two local clubs around here that host monthly .22lr steel matches, so I'm good and it will save me lots of money. If nothing else, I'll get the gun and gear set up tuned, and in a few years when my daughter is old enough to come to the range with me, we'll have some great family time. I'll change my screen name to Team K, lol.

Krispies out!