Jump to content
Brian Enos's Forums... Maku mozo!

Ed K

Classifieds
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    226

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Posts posted by Ed K

    Rodney Dangerfield

    in Humor

    Posted

    Oddjob;

    I worked as a stage lighting designer for a Minneapolis based supper club at the time. Lots of the old great comedians came through. From Bob Hope and Bob Newhart to David Brenner and Dom DeLuise. It was an experience.

    Ed

    Rodney Dangerfield

    in Humor

    Posted

    The late great Rodney Dangerfield.

    I had the pleasure of working with him many times in the early 80's. He was just as funny and personable off stage as on.

    1. I WAS SO POOR GROWING UP.. IF I WASN'T A BOY.. I'D HAVE HAD

    NOTHING TO PLAY WITH.

    2. A GIRL PHONED ME THE OTHER DAY AND SAID, "COME ON OVER;

    NOBODY'S HOME. I WENT OVER. NOBODY WAS HOME.

    3. DURING SEX, MY GIRLFRIEND ALWAYS WANTS TO TALK TO ME.

    JUST THE OTHER NIGHT SHE CALLED ME FROM A HOTEL.

    4. ONE DAY I CAME HOME EARLY FROM WORK ... I SAW A GUY JOGGING NAKED.

    I SAID TO THE GUY, "HEY BUDDY, WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?"

    HE SAID, "BECAUSE YOU CAME HOME EARLY."

    5. IT'S BEEN A ROUGH DAY. I GOT UP THIS MORNING... PUT ON A SHIRT AND

    A BUTTON FELL OFF. I PICKED UP MY BRIEFCASE, AND THE HANDLE CAME OFF.

    I'M AFRAID TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

    6. I WAS SUCH AN UGLY KID... WHEN I PLAYED IN THE SANDBOX, THE CAT KEPT

    COVERING ME UP.

    7. I COULD TELL MY PARENTS HATED ME. MY BATH TOYS WERE A TOASTER AND A RADIO.

    8. I WAS SUCH AN UGLY BABY...MY MOTHER NEVER BREAST FED ME. SHE TOLD ME

    THAT SHE ONLY LIKED ME AS A FRIEND.

    9. I'M SO UGLY... MY FATHER CARRIES AROUND A PICTURE OF THE KID WHO CAME

    WITH HIS WALLET.

    10. WHEN I WAS BORN, THE DOCTOR CAME INTO THE WAITING ROOM AND SAID TO MY

    FATHER, "I'M SORRY. WE DID EVERYTHING WE COULD, BUT HE PULLED THROUGH."

    11. I'M SO UGLY... MY MOTHER HAD MORNING SICKNESS... AFTER I WAS BORN.

    12. I REMEMBER THE TIME THAT I WAS KIDNAPPED AND THEY SENT A PIECE OF MY

    FINGER TO MY FATHER. HE SAID HE WANTED MORE PROOF.

    13. ONCE WHEN I WAS LOST, I SAW A POLICEMAN, AND ASKED HIM TO HELP ME FIND

    MY PARENTS. I SAID TO HIM, "DO YOU THINK WE'LL EVER FIND THEM?"

    HE SAID, "I DON'T KNOW KID. THERE'S SO MANY PLACES THEY CAN HIDE."

    14. MY WIFE MADE ME JOIN A BRIDGE CLUB. I JUMP OFF NEXT TUESDAY.

    15. I'M SO UGLY... I WORKED IN A PET SHOP, AND PEOPLE KEPT ASKING HOW BIG I'D GET.

    16. I WENT TO SEE MY DOCTOR. "DOCTOR, EVERY MORNING WHEN I GET UP AND LOOK

    IN THE MIRROR..I FEEL LIKE THROWING UP; WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?"

    HE SAID... "I DON'T KNOW BUT YOUR EYESIGHT IS PERFECT."

    17. I WENT TO THE DOCTOR BECAUSE I'D SWALLOWED A BOTTLE OF SLEEPING PILLS.

    MY DOCTOR TOLD ME TO HAVE A FEW DRINKS AND GET SOME REST.

    18. WITH MY OLD MAN I GOT NO RESPECT. I ASKED HIM, "HOW CAN I GET MY KITE IN

    THE AIR?" HE TOLD ME TO RUN OFF A CLIFF.

    19. SOME DOG I GOT. WE CALL HIM EGYPT BECAUSE IN EVERY ROOM HE LEAVES A

    PYRAMID. HIS FAVORITE BONE IS IN MY ARM. LAST NIGHT HE WENT ON THE

    PAPER FOUR TIMES - THREE OF THOSE TIMES I WAS READING IT.

    20. ONE YEAR THEY WANTED TO MAKE ME POSTER BOY - FOR BIRTH CONTROL.

    21. MY UNCLE'S DYING WISH WAS TO HAVE ME SITTING IN HIS LAP;

    HE WAS IN THE ELECTRIC CHAIR.

    BONUS: WHEN I WAS A KID I ASKED MY FATHER TO TAKE ME ICE SKATING.

    HE SAID, "WAIT 'TILL IT GETS WARMER."

    Lessons Learned

    in Humor

    Posted

    An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey.

    He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

    The young gunslinger looked at the old m an and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'

    The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to.'

    A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing.

    When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound.

    The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun.

    The old man asked, 'Did you ever kiss a mule's ass?'

    The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've always wanted to.'

    Two lessons from this story...

    1. Don't waste ammunition.

    2. Don't mess with old people.

    Single Stack Question

    in USPSA/IPSC Rules

    Posted · Edited by Ed K

    I would say Nope.

    Appendix D-5, item 22.

    Prohibited modifications and features

    •External modifications or features such as weights or devices

    to control or reduce recoil (such as, but not limited to, thumb

    rests or components which could be used as such).

    Palm Pilot scoring

    in USPSA/IPSC Shooting

    Posted

    The System:

    I RO'd at area 3 using the Palm system. My stage (10) had very few issues with the system. The one that presented the greatest challange was a walk on shooter. With the help of our 3rd RO, who was a local shooter, we entered the competitors info in a matter of minutes. I do like the system, but I believe that there are a few bugs that need to be ironed out.

    I don't like that you have to score steel 1st, and disappearing targets last.

    The palms took the hot weather well. I'm wondering how they do in the rain, snow, and cold temps. In MN we do shoot year round.

    The Cost:

    As the stats person for our club, I don't mind spending an extra hour or so weekly transfering paper scores to the laptop. We get 20 - 30 shooters for our Wednesday evening league.

    As far as the cost is concerned. If it is to become the "official"scoring method for USPSA, it should be a BOD decision, and I'd hope that they poll the sections prior to making such a large financial commitment. At this point I too am against the continued payment to the software developer.

    2008 Area 3 Championship

    in Match Announcements - Pistol Only - USPSA, IPSC & Misc.

    Posted

    I had a great time working stage 10. The flipper stage.

    Saw some interesting ways to shoot the stage. Alot of "Oh $hit" when people realized they were in the middle of a reload while stepping on the pressure pad. LOL.

    Anyway, I've been on a diet for a couple of months, weighed myself proir to leaving for the match Wednesday, and again last night after I got back home. I lost 6 lbs in 4 days. It got dam hot down there in the pit.

    :roflol:

    DQ'ed

    in Introduce Yourself

    Posted

    I believe the club can still send your classifier score to USPSA HQ, assuming that's not the stage you DQ'ed on. If I'm mistaken, a correction from someone more knowledgeable will magically appear very soon.

    Nope. When you enter a DQ into EZWinscore it is for the entire match. No classifer score is entered at Sedro.

    Chalk it up to a bad day at the match, and a learning experience.

    Parking

    in What I Hate

    Posted

    Here's another one.

    Reserved spaces for "Employee of the ________"(Fill in the blank). They're usually the spaces just on the other side of handicaped. Screw that. If it wasn't for customers they wouldn't have any employees at all. That's the space that I have no problem parking in. I'm just waiting for the day Mr. Manager or the actual "Employee of the ________"

    (Fill in the blank) comes up to me and say's I can't park there because employee John did such a fine job of re-stocking the shelves or sweeping the floor that he now has his own reserved parking spot.

    O.K. I'm better now.

    :ph34r:

    What should I do to prep for the RO class?

    in USPSA/IPSC Rules

    Posted

    Mike,

    You may want to write down some questions that you have about the rules, and about things you've seen during matches that may not have made sense at the time. George is an excellent instructor. If he doesn't know the answer to a question on Saturday, he'll more than likely have the answer on Sunday.

    Ed

×
×
  • Create New...