How about Darwin Awards??

[Round_Gun_Shooter]

(Editorial Comments are not mine )

Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once again, it's time for

the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to the

persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing themselves

from the gene pool. This year's nine nominees are:

Nominee No. 1: [san Jose Mercury News]:

An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former

girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun

discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:

James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he

was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns

got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so

that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes

caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the

driveshaft."

Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:

Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December

in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his

bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38

Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear. (For whatever reason,

residents of Southern states always seem to figure prominently among the

Darwin nominees.)

Nominee No. 4: [uPI, Toronto]:

Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown

Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged

4 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into

the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he

was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law

students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window

strength according topolice reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day,

told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and

brightest" members of the 200-man association. (Nice to see another Canadian

provincegetting into the awards.... The Maritimes always have been heavily

involved.)

Nominee No. 5: [bloomberg News Service]:

A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the

death of a man who was killed by his own gas emissions. There was no

mark on his body, and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his

system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of

other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears

that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was

hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it

wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his nearly-airtight

bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge

capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one

was hospitalized.

Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]:

Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had

spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder

conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While

sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV

set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted. (South Carolina entrants are

always perennial favorites.)

Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]:

A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk,

IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a

muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his

face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his

parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was

cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly.

He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:

A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment

in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan

Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred,

said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears

that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said. (Another Ontario

entry.... I wonder if people are moving there from the Maritime

Provinces.)

Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:

Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and

struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday.

Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight

Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of

Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip on an

overcast Sunday night when Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The

two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had

burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the

.22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to

the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again

began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound

toward the White River Bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just

before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and

struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right,

exiting the pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the

accident, but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his

testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a

broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that

bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead,"

stated Wallis.

"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this

is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this

accident happened," said Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many

frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck???

(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure

as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that

Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.

[Loves2Shoot]

funny, but not true, and old urban legand

[Dead Buff]

(Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:

Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December

in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his

bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38

Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear. (For whatever reason,

residents of Southern states always seem to figure prominently among the

Darwin nominees.)

How do "they" determine that he "accidentally" shot himself by "mistakingly" picking up a gun instead of a phone that was "apparently" ringing???????

Some LEO guy wanna explain this to my flat 2-D brain please....