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If Chuck Norris were a Naval Aviator...


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Chuck Norris doesn't request clearances, he states intentions.

Chuck Norris never "loses" altitude; he simply gets rid of it when he no longer has any use for it.

Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare get cross with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't fly into headwinds...the wind is always running away from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is never under pressure.

Chuck Norris does not have to worry about crashing into the ground. The ground will gladly get out of Chuck Norris' way.

Chuck Norris has never had a midair collision; He has shot down any plane that has gotten within 10 miles.

Chuck Norris was taking the active runway and noticed the windsock was pointed in his direction. Chuck Norris calmly got out of his plane walked over to the windsock and obliterated it with a double roundhouse kick. No one points at Chuck Norris...NO ONE.

Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.

Chuck Norris doesn't shoot approaches...he kills them.

Two-way contact for Chuck Norris is when he hits you with both fists simultaneously.

Once, Chuck Norris was told to down one of his students. That student is still recovering from his injuries.

Chuck Norris doesn't manage operational risk...he seeks it.

An ejection seat is not safe until Chuck Norris gets out of it.

Chuck Norris was told to IDENT, the controller was greeted with a fist coming out of his radar screen.

Chuck Norris has never had a successful recovery onboard a carrier; it is impossible to trap Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't level off; he tells the altimeter to stop moving.

Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance...once.

Shock and Awe are the names of Chuck Norris' legs.

Minimum Safe Altitudes do not apply when Chuck Norris is airborne; if you are in the air when Chuck Norris is flying you are never safe.

Chuck Norris is never given the instructions "when able" . Chuck Norris is never unable to do anything.

Favorable winds are always in the same direction as Chuck Norris' flight path.

Chuck Norris was flying and saw a wall of clouds ahead so he decided to punch through them. He then got back in his plane and flew through the hole he just made.

Chuck Norris has never had to adapt his eyes to the dark. His infrared vision is working perfectly fine.

Chuck Norris was told he was number two for landing. He immediately went to guns and shot the preceding aircraft. Chuck Norris does not follow anyone.

A Flight Docs gives medical up chits; Chuck Norris gives medic down kicks.

Chuck Norris is the only person to graduate SERE School via correspondence.

The weather outlook for the area around Chuck Norris: 100% Chance of Pain.

Edited by Seth
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