Barbara Connell

[Fullauto_Shooter]

Mike,

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. Prayers and best wishes sent.

Doug Johnson

[GlockSpeed31]

Mike,

Very sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my mom over 2 yrs ago and feel your pain 100%.

We didn't loose our mom's, GOD called his angel's home. They are still with us in Spirit, Memories & Love!

God Bless you & your family. Prayers sent.

Take care,

Michael

[AustinMike]

I'm overwhelmed by the kindness of our friends through this. Thank you all. I'm trying to be the strong one and hold my father and brother up through this. My brother is taking it the hardest. We're burying mom in the dress she bought to wear to his wedding. It's beautiful. As much as I hurt, I can't imagine the pain he feels. Benjamin, my brother, is a good man. He's served our country in the Air Force and he currently serves San Antonio with the SAPD. He doesn't deserve this,none of us do. I believe he's going through with the wedding because we know mom would want that. She won't be there in person, but yet she will be with us. Her life and memories are imprinted on hearts; death can't steal that. I'm trying to help him realize that.

This is my mom and brother when he graduated from the academy. I'm going to get this picture blown up for the viewing.

[JThompson]

I'm overwhelmed by the kindness of our friends through this. Thank you all. I'm trying to be the strong one and hold my father and brother up through this. My brother is taking it the hardest. We're burying mom in the dress she bought to wear to his wedding. It's beautiful. As much as I hurt, I can't imagine the pain he feels. Benjamin, my brother, is a good man. He's served our country in the Air Force and he currently serves San Antonio with the SAPD. He doesn't deserve this,none of us do. I believe he's going through with the wedding because we know mom would want that. She won't be there in person, but yet she will be with us. Her life and memories are imprinted on hearts; death can't steal that. I'm trying to help him realize that.

This is my mom and brother when he graduated from the academy. I'm going to get this picture blown up for the viewing.

She looks very happy and proud there Mike.

[Paul Santiago]

I'm overwhelmed by the kindness of our friends through this. Thank you all. I'm trying to be the strong one and hold my father and brother up through this. My brother is taking it the hardest. We're burying mom in the dress she bought to wear to his wedding. It's beautiful. As much as I hurt, I can't imagine the pain he feels. Benjamin, my brother, is a good man. He's served our country in the Air Force and he currently serves San Antonio with the SAPD. He doesn't deserve this,none of us do. I believe he's going through with the wedding because we know mom would want that. She won't be there in person, but yet she will be with us. Her life and memories are imprinted on hearts; death can't steal that. I'm trying to help him realize that.

This is my mom and brother when he graduated from the academy. I'm going to get this picture blown up for the viewing.

Mike,

Our sincere condolences to you and your family. I choked up when I read she was being buried in her new dress. I'm just at a loss for words. I'm truly sorry. Moms are so special.

[PINMAN44]

Mike I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. May she rest peacefully.

[AustinMike]

I just wanted to say thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers sent our way. The past week was probably the worst of my life, but family and friends have helped me make it through. The most powerful thing to me was all the people that showed up at the viewing. I was overwhelmed by how many people came forward and told me how their lives were touched by Mom. Her fellow school teachers, former students, and other friends. It made me feel that Mom did lead a full life that many people are better for having her around them.

A single rose laid in Mom's seat at my brother's wedding yesterday. We could feel her there with us. Yesterday was a celebration and I know Mom would have been proud.

There are many difficult days ahead as we learn to live without Mom. A lot of work remains to be done getting affairs in order, dealing with insurance, paying for the funeral, hospital bills, etc. It won't be easy, but it helps to know that a lot of people are sending good thoughts our way.

God bless you all.

[trodrig]

Mike, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss! Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Thomas

[AlamoShooter]

Sorry for your loss Mike, You are always a pleasure to be around I am sure you have always carried the best part of your Mom with you.

Jamie & Linda

[ccur]

rod and I are so very sorry for you and your family...Our prayers and thoughts are with you

Cheryl

[AustinMike]

It's been two years now since I lost Mom. The holidays tend to be kind of rough still. She died right before Thanksgiving, so that's an especially tough one to get through. After I lost her, I found this thread out here. There were things brought up there that helped me cope with the situation. I started my own list of things that I felt and learned and I've continued to add to it. These are the things that we don't want to talk about, but they are realities that we each must face some day. This list is not meant to elicit sympathy. Rather, it's a resource that will hopefully be helpful to someone. When someone you love dies, you may wonder if anyone else feels the same way. You may wonder if what you are going through is "normal." Reading what others went through and felt helped me. Perhaps my personal experience will help you in your time of loss or when you are called upon to comfort someone else.

Good things to say/do:

• "I'm sorry for your loss."

• "I loved your mother...she was such a good friend...she helped me this one time...I remember this about her..."

• "Is there anything I can help you with during this time?" Offer specific things - take care of plants/pets, run any errands, make any calls, etc. Of course, be prepared to follow through.

• Say nothing. Don't feel like you have to say anything. Hugs can be a lot better than words.

• Follow up. Don't assume that someone is OK, especially soon after a loss. I cried every day for weeks and think I hid it well. Guys are like that.

Bad things to say (and why):

• "How are you doing?" I'm a complete wreck. I'll probably just say "fine."

• "I know how you feel; I know what you're going through." No, you really don't. Even if you've lost someone, every one's experience is different.

• "It will be alright." I'll never be "alright" about what happened.

• "Things will get better with time." No, they won't. You don't get over the loss of a loved one; you learn to live with it.

• Cliches. "These things happen...she's in a better place...it was her time..." Things like this don't help at all. The cruelest thing some one said to me was "Well, that's life." It was a dear friend, who meant no harm and couldn't have known how much that hurt. When you're grieving, things like this come across as a dismissal of your feelings.

• "Call me if you need anything." OK, this isn't bad, but it's also not necessarily helpful. Someone who just lost a parent, spouse, etc. WILL need things. Don't expect them to call you though. Especially us guys. We don't want to be a burden and we don't like to feel weak. If you care enough to help, you need to call them periodically and offer to help in practical ways. Maybe it's just a shoulder to cry on.

Thoughts on dealing with the death of a loved one, in no particular order.

• Have all of your insurance policies documented for your loved ones. Company, policy number, contact info. Make sure that family members who don't live with you know where this information is.

• Have enough insurance to avoid a burden on your loved ones. A funeral will cost over $8000.

• Keep important documents together, in a safe place. Maybe a safe deposit box, but make sure a trusted relative has a key. Keep copies of the documents at home and make sure someone else knows where they are.

• You can get a better deal buying flowers outside of the funeral home. All of their prices are high. Buy as little from them as you can. A funeral home is a business, and like any other business they want your money. Don't be swayed by emotions into buying everything they offer.

• If you are a veteran and plan to be buried in a military cemetery, you MUST have form DD-214. The government does not keep or provide this electronically. It's a piece of paper and it takes days/weeks to get. Get it now.

• Get more official copies of the death certificate than you think you need. Everybody wants one (bank, credit card companies, insurance, etc.)

• People grieve in different ways. Some close up. Some get angry. Cut everyone in your family and circle of friends some slack. Hopefully they do the same for you.

• Have as few people in the funeral planner's office as possible. This is a hard one, but more is not better. Closest immediate family only. You'll be grief-stricken, confused, and there are important decisions to make. A lot of extra voices in the room with opinions about what the deceased would have wanted isn't going to help. Politely ask extended family to do other tasks.

• You will cry lots, often unexpectedly. You have to. Your body needs to. Something someone says, something you see or hear, a song on the radio...anything can be a trigger. If you're driving, pull over. Sudden tears may freak people out. They may wonder if you're crazy. You may think the same thing. You're not.

• Be as open as you can at a viewing/wake. Walk around and talk to people and hear some of the stories of how your loved one touched the lives of others. It helps.

• Displaying pictures taken over the course of a loved one's life is a good thing at a viewing/wake. They will help people recall some great memories.

• You will hurt. Emotionally and physically. Stress weakens your body. Take a multi-vitamin and lots of vitamin C. I got bronchitis.

• Try to eat regularly. You won't feel like it, but your body needs it.

• Grief takes time. How much depends on you. There is no right or wrong time frame for grief. There's nothing wrong with you if you still shed a tear a year, or even many years after your loss. Some people might look at you some time later and their eyes seem to be saying, "You're STILL not over that." They've probably never had a loss like yours in their lives, so they don't understand. Lucky them.

• Some people will have a hard time handling you while you're handling your loss. Your friends don't want you to be sad. Some won't be comfortable being around a grieving person. Try not to take it personal.

• All the "firsts" without a loved one are hard. The first Thanksgiving. First Christmas. Their first birthday. Your first birthday. Anniversaries. You'll cry on all of them.

• We can be angry that someone we love was taken from us. We can also be thankful for the years that we had together.

• I don't think it's healthy to spend a lot of time at the cemetery. At least for me. Flowers on holidays and special occasions, sure. Do what feels right to you, but know that the best part of your loved ones is found within your heart.

• At the risk of sounding cliche, your life must go on. You'll hurt terribly, but you won't be the only one. Your family needs you and you need them. Remember and honor the dead; continue to "be there" for the living.

• Gatherings around the holidays won't be as happy for some time. Don't stop the normal "traditions" in your family. There are new memories to be created with the people in your family that you still have with you.

• Find things you can do the honor your loved ones. Use skills they taught you. Heed their good advice. Make them proud.

• It will take time, but as soon as you can, talk about some fun memories with your family and friends. Laugh heartily.

• Death can't have the memories. They're yours. Hold on to them. Cherish them. Share them.

• There is a sense in which a loved one lives on through the influence they had on others. Sometimes you get a glimpse of this. It's a special thing when it happens.

In closing, I'd like to relate an example of that last item. An old friend of our family and a good friend to my mom for many years just passed away. She had cancer and the damage to her brain made her a different person for her last few weeks. It's so extremely hard to see someone literally lose one's mind. Her daughter told me a very special story. She was cleaning up in her mom's room and said that she should throw away an old tattered calendar that was gathering dust on her shelf. Her mom abruptly snapped out of her delirium to scold her for the thought of such a thing. "Barbara Connell gave me that!" Wow. It was an old gift that she had kept many years and even though a terrible disease was consuming her mind, she still remembered her friendship with my mom.

Thanks again to folks out here who helped me through this.