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Construction Dictionary

Kenpo Joe

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Contractor A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut, or deal.

Bid Opening A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

Bid A wild guess carried out in two decimal places.

Low Bidder A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

Engineers Estimate The known cost of constuction in heaven.

Bonding Company A required player in the game. Win, lose, or draw, the bonding company still gets paid, but if the contractor loses, the company quits playing with him. REMEMBER, the bonding company is a REQUIRED player!

Project Manager The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

Critical Path Method A management technique for losing your ass under perfect control.

O.S.H.A. A protective coating made by half baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs, plus baloney usually applied at random with a shotgun.

Strike An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

Delayed Payment A tourniquet applied to the hing pocket.

Completion Date The point at which liquidated damages begin.

Liquidated damages A penalty for failing to acheive the impossible.

Auditor People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.

Lawyer People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies.

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Show me what to do,don't look for me if it's raining(brick layer),hire some English speaking laborers, pay me on Friday and NO, I will not work this weekend because I have a match to shoot.Also I will need off the Friday of the Area 6 weekend.Sorry,just a typical day at work.

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