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How To Resign With Style


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Supposed actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to

her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!

Dear Mr. Baker,

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic

expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an

intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and

annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties,

I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of

everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste

of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen.

I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were

apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch

you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the

hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as

binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people

hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure

this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new

iMac has more personality than you ever will.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in

others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for

your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off

on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring

ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that

everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the

Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you

getting a full frontal lobotomy ,I am forced to tender my resignation,

however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you

to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I

prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple

of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on

your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every

password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I

am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when

you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like

"Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's

birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of

yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the

techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a

sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and

kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of

recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct

your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my

desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little

twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your

systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free


Wishing you a grand and glorious day,


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It's on Snopes.

Also, it is NOT illegal for someone to give you a "bad" reference, as long as it can be considered truthful. It is only illegal for an past employer to give false information. If a propspective employer called Mr. Baker and asked if Celelia was a team player, he could respond "I'd rather not say." Not a lie, not slander, but certainly doesn't do Celeia any good.

Items 2 and 3 are blackmail.

I work in IT, and have had the fantasy of taking the keys to the kingdom and holding them over somebody's head. Not a good idea. Not only can you face prosecution, but I.T. is a very small world. News would travel fast if you decided to hold a company hostage because you had a grudge, and you would never find a job again. I worked with an admin that did just that; he changed the passords on all of our network equipment and would not tell anyone what they were until he got his way. He didn't work for us much longer after that.

I had one of the worst bosses you could think of, and I tendered my resignation with simplicity and dignity. My boss demanded to know who I was going to work for next, saying that he wanted to know if they were a competitor. I told him it was none of his business, and he said that because I didn't tell him, that implied that I WAS going to work for a competitor, and that I should be escorted out of the building immediately. I told him that it wasn't his decision to make. He called HR, and they told him he was way off base.

Good fantasy though ;)

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