Things You Only Do Once -

[Ultimo-Hombre]

Habenero pizza.

At work.

My station crew made one nice flatbread pizza.

Topped with 30 minced (not cooked, raw) habenero peppers.

Hell on earth followed.

[george76904]

I will not keep adding piles of black powder to my roman candle lift mixture, only to find out that. Yes. It was all still there but it just slipped under the corn cob media I was using, and yes it did ignite after I poured enough powder on top Good thing I was wearing glasses for that one. However I was blind for a while after that and did have to check for eyebrows.

[george76904]

Oh, another one I will never do again. attempt to stop for a car who isnt paying attention to my friend and I riding bicycles around town. Especially when your bike only has a working front break, I came out pretty sore but OK. My friend on the other hand tried to bring his bike to a sudden stop by turning his bike around flipped the bike and wasnt able to tuck and roll as I had been able to. From where I was mid-flip I saw and heard his wrist break. After an ER visit we learned 2 things. 1: My friend does not have good landing ability ( he broke both the radius and the ulna in his left had and sprained the right wrist). 2: Next time we both agreed we will just hit the car and have him pay for the medical bills since he was backing out of our drive way while he was attempting to light his cigarette.

Oh and after my friend had crashed and I had helped him out of the road and he is swearing extremely loudly about how much it hurt. The guy stopped rolled down his window and said "hey you kids alright?" (drag on cigarette). Friend (in extremely sarcastic tone) "oh yeah we are just peachy". Creepy old dude in car (blows smoke out), "ok then"... (rolls up window and drives off).

[george76904]

Also stand undreneath a dried chilli ristra string and hit it to see what will happen. It burst and guess what happened?... I was blind for awhile after that one too.

[AirBorne]

When shooting a scoped rifle for the first time get to close to scope. Kept scar, threw away skin that scope decided to remove but not eat.

After having one too many and forget to put your feet down when coming to a stop on ones motorcycle.

[SiG Lady]

Having one too many and climbing onto a Triumph (having been fully accustomed to a Honda) and finding out (too late) that the brake is on the opposite side than a Honda. Hit wall. Laugh loudly. Friends in attendance (also having had a few too many) also laughing loudly. Ah, age 21. Wasn't it grand . . .

[george76904]

Attempt to flex a home made bow with the stick between your legs. You REALLY won't do that again!!!

Edited September 14, 2013 by george76904

[george76904]

Make sure that your magazine pouches are not centered on your belt if you are about to go prone!!! That also hurts, quite a bit but maybe not as funny to onlookers as the bow one.

P.S. Sorry that I am stringing them out I keep posting as I think of them.

[benos]

14) I will NOT hit my middle finger on my left hand, full force with a framing hammer. I never knew a finger was actually full of stuff that looks just like hamburger! All my uncle told me was "Stand on the Grass! We'll have to clean up all this blood from the concrete"

That got my best laugh!

[JupiterAdam]

Don't buy your 10 year old Boy Scout his own hatchet. Further, don't let him play target practice with this hatchet and a can of spray paint. Result is that a blue colored boy enters house with the skin of his kneecap removed/cut requiring 59 stitches (exploding can propels hatchet back at junior). Again, learning about Physics the hard way.

[Nordeste]

Right, a men-only classic. Some or another day you'll forget to put fresh underwear in your gym bag. If that bad day you happen to be wearing zippered, instead of buttoned, shorts or pants, just watch out where your manhood is before you pull the zipper up. It can get quite painful (it does), it bleeds, and you'll have to explain at home why your fly is blood stained, why you're injured down there and worst of it, do it while you watch some intense laughter.

[Steve RA]

I did that once in the third grade, never, ever again. Had to go to the school nurse for help, which was really worse than the zipper. She didn't laugh but if I remember correctly the corners of her mouth were moving strangely.

[Shooter116]

Never try to ride miniature Shetland ponies while drunk and 18. Those things are mean as hell.

[mfrits]

The NRA lists 3 rules for gun safety 1. Gun pointed in a safe direction. 2. Finger off the trigger until ready to shoot. 3. Keep your gun unloaded until ready to shoot. These are great but I violated the little known 4th rule of gun safety. "Always close the safe door before your wife walks into the room and looks inside." Won't make that mistake twice.

[vernbo]

Years ago while helping make dinner I was making the mashed potatoes .

The mixer was an older type where the cord pluged into the wall outlet on one end

and into the mixer on the other end .my bowl was just far enough away from the outlet

that after a few passes in the bowl the cord became upluged from the mixer and fell into the

potatoes ,without thinking I picked up the end of the cord and licked off the potatoes .

DON"T lick 120 volts.

[fyresq]

Never whack the throttle wide open from a stoplight on a 150hp sport-touring bike because your wife is revving hers like she wants to race. 700lb shaft-drive touring bikes are not meant to wheelie. I had to throw those underwear away.

Make sure you tell your wife your steel gong isn't rifle rated BEFORE she tries out your buddies new AR loaded with surplus M855 Ball. It was a nice shot though.

I could go on all day with stupid things we did while I was in the Army. It's a wonder I wasn't killed or court-martialed.

Never go on a 12 mile road march wearing brand new jump boots. It was either those or a broken in pair of jungle boots, but they were still damp from the day before. I chose poorly.

Never get into a beer drinking contest with a sergeant first class in the german bundeswehr, especially if it's the night before you take their version of the PT test.

Never try to use the 1SGs HMMWV to tow a dead tank the last 10 feet to it's parking spot in the motor pool. "Honest Top, I was just driving down the line when I heard a bang and tranny fluid started running everywhere, I don't know what happened!"

Never step off the back deck of an M1A2 tank without looking at the ground below. I didn't realize the driver had pulled forward a few feet and that nice sand pile I was going to hop onto wasn't there anymore, instead it was a 10 foot drop into a creek bed. At least the Army finally had a reason to rebuild that knee that had been bothering me for a few years.

A roll of toilet paper soaked in break-free and placed over the standoff spike of a HEAT round makes a pretty fireball going down range. The Battalion CSM, who just happened to be in the tower, was not impressed.

The bottle of Wild Turkey that the tank commander didn't tell anyone he had hidden in the breach makes a nice fireball too.

[JJSJ]

Never say "watch this", it always ends badly no matter what you're doing.

[JimmyZip]

Never whack the throttle wide open from a stoplight on a 150hp sport-touring bike because your wife is revving hers like she wants to race. 700lb shaft-drive touring bikes are not meant to wheelie. I had to throw those underwear away.

Make sure you tell your wife your steel gong isn't rifle rated BEFORE she tries out your buddies new AR loaded with surplus M855 Ball. It was a nice shot though.

I could go on all day with stupid things we did while I was in the Army. It's a wonder I wasn't killed or court-martialed.

Never go on a 12 mile road march wearing brand new jump boots. It was either those or a broken in pair of jungle boots, but they were still damp from the day before. I chose poorly.

Never get into a beer drinking contest with a sergeant first class in the german bundeswehr, especially if it's the night before you take their version of the PT test.

Never try to use the 1SGs HMMWV to tow a dead tank the last 10 feet to it's parking spot in the motor pool. "Honest Top, I was just driving down the line when I heard a bang and tranny fluid started running everywhere, I don't know what happened!"

Never step off the back deck of an M1A2 tank without looking at the ground below. I didn't realize the driver had pulled forward a few feet and that nice sand pile I was going to hop onto wasn't there anymore, instead it was a 10 foot drop into a creek bed. At least the Army finally had a reason to rebuild that knee that had been bothering me for a few years.

A roll of toilet paper soaked in break-free and placed over the standoff spike of a HEAT round makes a pretty fireball going down range. The Battalion CSM, who just happened to be in the tower, was not impressed.

The bottle of Wild Turkey that the tank commander didn't tell anyone he had hidden in the breach makes a nice fireball too.

This one had me going. Thanks for sharing!

[outerlimits]

Never say "watch this", it always ends badly no matter what you're doing.

As does "Hold my beer"

[fyresq]

Never say "watch this", it always ends badly no matter what you're doing.

As does "Hold my beer"

Those phrases seem to go together more often than not.

[MetropolisLake]

Habenero pizza.

At work.

My station crew made one nice flatbread pizza.

Topped with 30 minced (not cooked, raw) habenero peppers.

Hell on earth followed.

Once I went in a biking/camping trip in Frisco Colorado with a friend. We went to BackCountry Brewery, had a bunch of beer, and their duck and jalapeno pizza. It was summertime yet it was 38 degrees at night so we had to keep the tent closed up. It was the stinkiest tent in all of history.

[MetropolisLake]

Never get into a beer drinking contest with a sergeant first class in the german bundeswehr, especially if it's the night before you take their version of the PT test.

Never go on a 4 mile road race immediately after drinking 1.5 bottles of wine.

[MetropolisLake]

When shooting a scoped rifle for the first time get to close to scope. Kept scar, threw away skin that scope decided to remove but not eat.

Or better yet, don't do this then play hockey on the same day. It wasn't my first time but I was on the verge of hypothermia without realizing it and wasn't thinking too well. When I got an adrenaline rush from seeing a buck I started shaking violently. I shot too quickly and split my forehead open about 1/4 or 3/8" with the scope. I proceed to literally jump out of the stand from 10 feet up, and due to the cold I must have busted several capillaries, as my feet burned very badly for some reason. Thought I was sweating even, so I wiped my brow and noticed blood all over my hands. Finally figured it out and got the bleeding to stop, everything was good. But then I play hockey that night with no helmet on. The puck shot straight up in the air about 15 feet and me and this other guy started skating right towards it while looking up and not seeing each other. We head butted and it clotheslined the two of us. I open my eyes and all I could see was red. It had split my eyebrow open from where the rifle started the cut, and I mean all the way open. It was gaping about half an inch top to bottom and was split from one end to the other, had to have 17 stitches. Luckily my brow hides it so nobody knows unless I tell them.

Edited December 26, 2013 by MetropolisLakeOutfitters

[MetropolisLake]

How about when you are home alone and bored out of your mind late at night and are practicing mag changes with multiple guns but with empty mags, along with dry firing a bunch for about two hours and get into the "it's empty" mindset. You go to put everything up, don't think much about the fact that the mag that you keep in the FNX-40 for HD purposes is loaded, then at the last minute start playing with the takedown lever because it's new and just so damn interesting that you can just pull the slide back, flip a switch, and the thing falls apart. So you chamber a round without realizing it, go to let the hammer down with your thumb instead of using the decocker, but it slips. Ideally it wouldn't matter, but, well... BAM. A round through a few layers of bedding, a mattress, box spring, two layers of drywall, and into a door jamb, in the house that you just finished building and just moved in to.

[MetropolisLake]

One time I went snowboarding in Colorado. There were several of us driving down the mountain at Keystone in a rental minivan. We were talking about the scenery or something and for some reason I thought it would be funny to tell my friend who was driving that he should do a donut in this parking lot so that we could get a panoramic view. Well, he didn't exactly do what I had in mind. He starts barreling down the road then locks up the emergency brake when we get to an overpass. Well, it was a solid sheet of ice. We spin around totally and do a 360 about 5 1/2 times. When we finally stopped we were literally 3 feet from going over a cliff, backwards.