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RUAR?


benos

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I know you've probably seen these, but I got them in an email today - they don't seem to stop cracking me up! Especially "You burn your hard rather than mow it." That's the funniest thing I've ever heard!

BTW, RUAR is RU a Redneck?....

You know you are a Redneck....When...

1.  You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.

2.  Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.

3.  Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4.  You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5.  You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.

6.  The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

7.  Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

8.  You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they  don`t want it.

9.  You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

10. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

11.  You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

12.  Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

13.  Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

14.  You`ve been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

15.  You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

16.  You` ve bathed with flea and tick soap.

17.  You`ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

18.  Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

19.  You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.

20.  You took a fishing pole to Sea World.

21.   You go to the stock car races and don`t need a program.

22.  You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

23.  You have a rag for a gas cap.

24.  You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

25.  Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

26 . You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

27.  Your house doesn`t have curtains but your truck does.

28.  You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

29.  You can spit without opening your mouth.

30.  You  consider your license plate personalized because your

      brother made it.

31.  Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

32.  You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer

quota.

33.  Your richest relative buys a new house and calls you up to help him  take the wheels off.

34.  You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "CoolWhip" on the side.

37.  The biggest city you`ve ever been to is Wal-Mart.

38.  Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

39.  You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.

40.  You`ve ever used your ironing board as a buffet Table.

41.  You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.

42.  Your neighbors think you`re a detective because a cop  always brings you home.

43.  A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvement.

44.  You` ve used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

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Whew, I'm only about 1/4 redneck!  The county places yard burning " restrictions"  on us here after July 4th.

So, lemme ask you this:  If a man and woman in Arkansas get a divorce, are they still legally brother and sister?

What do an Oklahoma tornado and an Arkansas divorce have in common?

(Somebodys going to lose a trailer house)

(Edited by bonedaddy at 10:59 pm on June 25, 2001)

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OK, Sometimes i cannot help myself..

Here is a few ways to say that someone needs to ride the "short bus".

1.The wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead.

2. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't looking.

3. It's hard to believe that he beat 100,000 other sperm.

4. A few clowns short of a circus.

5. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

6. A few beers short of a six-pack.

7. Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.

8. The cheese slid off his cracker.

9. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.

10. Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.

11. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

12. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with insructions on the heel.

13. He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way.

14. One taco short of a combination plate.

15. All foam, no beer.

16. As smart as bait.

17. Chimney's clogged.

18. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

19. Forgot to pay his brain bill.

20. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

21. Receiver is off the hook.

22. Skylight leaks a little.

23. Slinky's kinked.

24. Surfing in Nebraska.

25. Too much yardage between the goalposts.

26. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

27. Not the sharpest tool in the shed.

28. A room temperature IQ.

29. Bright as Alaska in December.

30. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

31. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

32. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.

33. Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes.

34. His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

35. If he had another brain, it would be lonely.

Remember, if you can't make fun of yourself, make fun of someone else....

Gawd, eye, luv this forum...

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