Harmon Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 inmate: its cold in here.. officer: call bail bondsman and bond out. (1 or two minutes prior to strip-search) inmate: man everyone in dis be gay, a bunch of homos, you all be gay. officer: maybe so, now take all your clothes off and put them in this bag...baby (wolf whistle distant) Inmate: its cold in here, the food sucks, my mat has no stuffing in it, my towel only drys half my ass, the phones only work half the time....and i gots a year to do in here! Trustee walking by: If you dont like the accommodations, dont make the reservations. me walking with the trustee: HAHAHHAHAHAHA Inmate again: F@#$ you motherf@#$!@ i have lots more, but are too profane to post here. sometimes the things you here while in the jail just crack you up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CQB Dave Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Where else can he get 3 square a day, and all the "hot" shower sex he wants for free? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flyin40 Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 I also work in a jail "Officer, I need to see a nurse" "Unless your dying or bleeding don't bother me" "My finger is bleeding" "Well.......When you passout and hit the floor give me a yell, I'll get a nurse" Inmate "Can I switch cells" Officer "Shit, what do you think this is Holiday Inn" Inmate "I just want to show the new guy the ropes" Officer "Yeah, Soap on a Rope, if you get moved there will be a baby in the morning" Inmate 1 "Man you don't know me, I'll knock you out, you know nothing about me. You better ask these lames. I'm golden gloves..............BAM....... He is now lying on the floor unconcious Inmate 2 "Yo, I Bob Barkered that B$$$$" This happened right after they watced the movie Happy Gilmore on video Of course I left most of the colorful language out. Flyin40 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harmon Posted February 6, 2005 Author Share Posted February 6, 2005 when i first started working for the jail, i kept hearing the imates talk about another inmate getting "slid" wondering what that was exactly, i asked them, one of them then punched a fellow inmate in the face hard enough that he fell down and slid on the floor about 15 feet.. turns out the imate that got "slid" owed another inmate a white iced honey bun...between those, ramen soups and coffee, the imates have currency. you hear the funniest things in jail...and get called some of the funniest things. example: they call me several different names such as, pimp skinny, pencil, micro mini skinny pimp, stick, and the list goes on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harmon Posted February 6, 2005 Author Share Posted February 6, 2005 Where else can he get 3 square a day, and all the "hot" shower sex he wants for free? speaking of which, we had to remove TWO MALE INMATES from the same shower one night, one word for that, nasty. we seperated them and the man in the deal got put on suicide prevention because of the heartbreak ... HAHAHA Just an FYI, the other guy was booked in wearing pink thong underwear and a shirt that said " sweetness" across the top. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liota Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Harmon, TMI*, Big Boy! *For those who need it, To Much Information. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Well, I didn't quite get to see the 'juicy stuff' last week when I visted the jail, wearing a business suit, wearing a camera and accompanied by the Jail Commander. Boy, them guys were REALLLLL polite-like. Except the guy singing at the top of his lungs..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gm iprod Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Singing at the top of your lungs, is prefered over crying at the bottom of the stairs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tightloop Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 I am with Liota...too much info... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 (edited) Well, well, well. It's been HOW many years since I posted in this thread?? I now "work" at the Jail as its Librarian and hear a little of this n' that from time to time. But I remember standing in the elevator (doors open) and two inmates walked thru the hall, one saying, "...Boy, this place sure gets old after a while." Yep. But the real entertainment is down in Segregation/Medical. The screamers and shouters behind their double doors are often a source of excitement or chuckles. The house psychiatrist and a deputy one day were walking back from a suddenly very noisy inmate's segregation cell and one said to the other, "...Hey, you sure know what to say to set these guys off, don't you!" Followed by cackling laughter on their part and angry shrieking and shouting from the inmate's cell... unintelligible growls punctuated by obscenities. I'm afraid some of the people we scrape up off the streets in Eugene/Springfield are not in the greatest shape. Edited October 13, 2012 by SiG Lady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toolguy Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 Congrats on your new job Siggy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 It's only a volunteer position (5.5 years as Librarian, 5 years as Sheriff's Office newsletter editor. I'm due for a 10-year service pin by next February). But it's a sole-operator position and it's up to me to keep inmates' minds supplied with a suitable rotation of paperback books (and magazines). All of which are donated by the public and/or local bookstores. We no longer have a budget for buying books (we used to long ago). Either way, the inmates can be entertaining sometimes. And their tastes in reading can be revealing... and a reminder that they're often intellectually sound. Just last Thursday an inmate asked, "Do you have anything on UFOs and Sasquatch?" As a matter of fact, I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrumpyOne Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 It's only a volunteer position (5.5 years as Librarian, 5 years as Sheriff's Office newsletter editor. I'm due for a 10-year service pin by next February). But it's a sole-operator position and it's up to me to keep inmates' minds supplied with a suitable rotation of paperback books (and magazines). All of which are donated by the public and/or local bookstores. We no longer have a budget for buying books (we used to long ago). Either way, the inmates can be entertaining sometimes. And their tastes in reading can be revealing... and a reminder that they're often intellectually sound. Just last Thursday an inmate asked, "Do you have anything on UFOs and Sasquatch?" As a matter of fact, I do. Superman and Green Lantern ain't got nothin' on you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lifeislarge Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 I would recommend you offer them a copy of "50 Shades of Grey". "Step-by-Step Knifemaking: You Can Do It!" is also a good read. I'm sure "Brokeback Mountain" is popular with the long term residents as is the book "Practical Lock Picking: A Physical Penetration Tester's Training Guide" (yeah they're all real). I would just have too much fun messing with inmates... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Youngeyes Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 I'll send a picture of my mother-in-law for your library. That'll scare em staight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 love this stuff i workin a jail(psych) too....you hear a lot of funny things and see things you wish u didn't Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rfwobbly Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 (edited) A neighbor, who works in the county jail, was telling me he thought the average inmate IQ was about 80. As proof he said an inmate seriously wanted to report the theft of his toothbrush and expected an investigation. My neighbor looked at him in mock disbelief and said, "Here in the county jail, with 500 felons, who could do such a thing?" The inmate really believed all his belongings were safe there in jail. Edited October 28, 2012 by rfwobbly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RANGER3BN Posted November 22, 2012 Share Posted November 22, 2012 Officer.....when I get out of jail do I get my crack back? Swear to God! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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