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Brian Enos's Forums... Maku mozo!

Mutant Monsters attack!


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A friend and teacher of mine once began talking with some tacti-cartel guy; it didn't took too long before the conversation went to "I'm a super ninja stealth tactical camo killing machine Mark2", and instead of just letting him talk, we started pulling his leg (I know, we were mean...) by exagerating everything he said... This lead us to start developing a list of contingency plans if several movie or popular culture monsters attacked, all weapons related of course. I thought about the monsters, and my friend on how to stop them. The tacti cartel got bored and left. Here's the list, hope you like it and contribute:

Zombies (or as my friend calls them, "engendros mutantes", something that would approximately translate to "mutant abominations"); machine gun them to hell. Lots of ammo required.

The Mummy (as seen in its most recent movie incarnation); shoot it until it turns into sand, then take out a vacuum cleaner and trap it. (I laughed about this one for about 10 minutes, the whole idea of a milenary powerful spirit seeking for revenge with the ability to make fireballs rain and create giant water waves and all that stuff being defeated by a vacuum cleaner was TOO funny for me)

Terminator; truck mounted .50BMG M2HB (this one was inspired by a local gang that robbed armored trucks with a truck mounted .50 cal)

Robocop went psycho; 00 buckshot to its mouth.

Godzilla; a .22LR with "curaré" (a poison from the pampas, no translation; this is another one that had me laughing for 10 minutes)

Dracula; this one's easy, From dusk till dawn tells you what you need, either carve crosses in the bullet's tip or fill a super soaker with holy water. Our original idea: hollowpoints filled with garlic.

Werewolves; Silver bullets.

Skeletons; 12 ga with birdshot to shoot them into dust.

The ghost twins from Matrix: Reloaded; this ones got us...

Regular ghosts; I don't know what would happen to us, but I sure can tell you those ghosts will need a new blanket...

T-1000 terminator; Thermobaric RPG.

Aliens; quadruple .50 cal machine guns.

Frankenstein; just shoot it till it falls...

Those underground things from Tremors; landmines.

Jedis or Siths; just riddle them with bullets, what's the point in shooting them with lasers if they travel so slow that they can shield with their lightsabers. Also, I doubt they can rebound a .223, much less lots of them.

Neo; just tell him you kidnapped trinity or something. "where is she???" "in that house..." "Trinity, I'll save you!!!" BOOM goes the 2 tons of TNT...

Predator; "if it bleeds... we can kill it..."

Those are all that I remember right now, but there were more, I'll ask him later if he remembers that conversation.

I know it's stupid, but we had a lot of fun with this; maybe it'll cheer up your day :)

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