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Tell one on your wife


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I obviously don't have a wife. But seeing that I would prefer to be at the shooting range telling dirty jokes with the guys, I will share a hilarious video about a very blond woman without a clue. Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFCrJleggrI

" I obviously don't have a wife." Unfortunately, in today's world, that is not so obvious!

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Girlfriend has been a serial interstate speeder, tailgater, and all around aggressive driver for the past five years with what she assumed was total impunity. Until... Two weeks ago she blasts through a construction zone (passing a cop) on her way down to Boca. You'd think that $288 ticket would slow her down.... I only said "I told you so" 5 or 6 times.

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We got a new mini van and had it about two weeks. It has the auto lift gate she hits the remote and puts something in the back and thinks I'll just close the gate with the button on the inside of the car. Well by the time she gets in the car she forgets and backs out of the garage catching the gate on the top of the garage door.

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We got a new mini van and had it about two weeks. It has the auto lift gate she hits the remote and puts something in the back and thinks I'll just close the gate with the button on the inside of the car. Well by the time she gets in the car she forgets and backs out of the garage catching the gate on the top of the garage door.

Friends wife backed out of the carport with the drivers door open...when she hit the column, it ripped the door off.

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Not my wife, but a co-workers wife. We were out of town working when she calls him to tell him she broke a pipe in the front yard planting a shrub, but it was ok, she got it fixed. He asked how she fixed it. She told him she took the two pieces of pipe to Home Depot, bought a coupling and some gorilla glue, and glued them together. He asked her if it was leaking, and she said no....Well, did you turn the water off before you left the house? Why? she said...there was no water coming out....She had broken a piece of scrap pipe that had been buried in the yard when they built the house, bought a coupling and gorilla glue, glued it back together, then buried it back in the same spot she found it in....She is a blond.

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I work nights. So I'm at work and my wife gets up in the middle of the night for some reason and finds a dead roach on the floor of the hallway. Since I am unable to leave work she calls her father at 02:00 to come remove the dead roach from the hallway. I don't know which is more remarkable, the fact she called him in the middle of the night or the fact that he drove 5 miles in the middle of the night to come get the roach.

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Not my wife, but a co-workers wife. We were out of town working when she calls him to tell him she broke a pipe in the front yard planting a shrub, but it was ok, she got it fixed. He asked how she fixed it. She told him she took the two pieces of pipe to Home Depot, bought a coupling and some gorilla glue, and glued them together. He asked her if it was leaking, and she said no....Well, did you turn the water off before you left the house? Why? she said...there was no water coming out....She had broken a piece of scrap pipe that had been buried in the yard when they built the house, bought a coupling and gorilla glue, glued it back together, then buried it back in the same spot she found it in....She is a blond.

That is an awesome story!

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A couple of years ago a bass Pro shop was opening in town. I told my wife that I would like to go there to look around. She asked where it was located... I restrained myself when I informed her she had driven by the building every day(twice per day at least) for the last 6months while it was being built, and it was right next to us when I reading the sign of it opening in a week.

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Another ex story, different girl. Living in Alabama, during the summer we grill out about every weekend; the usual stuff, burgers, dogs, chicken, etc. Well, my girlfriend at the time was from "Connecticute" as she liked to call it. She never ate anything on the bun, but she'd have a bun on her plate with the burger patty or frank on also. She'd dip whatever meat she would eat into ketchup, eat the meat, then take the bun and dip it in ketchup, then eat the ketchup-covered bun.

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This thread makes me wonder how many "Tell on your Husband Stories" my wife has on me. I have gotten myself into some stupid situations over the years and called on her to help me out. EVERY SINGLE time she came to my aid with zero judgement or drama about the situation and simply got the job done with no fuss. The few times when I have helped her out in the same kind of situation I try my best to give her the same level of support she gives me. I know for sure that my "Bone Head" events far exceed hers, so I don't even have a leg to stand on when it comes to comparing stories!!!

I am a super lucky guy to have such a great lady in my life that puts up with all of my wacky stuff!!!! I think that it helps that I spoil the crap out of her every single opportunity I get to do so :devil:

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Great sadness.. the one thread on the forum that BE has absolutely nothing to add :rolleyes:

Ahhh... :D

This thread makes me wonder how many "Tell on your Husband Stories" my wife has on me. I have gotten myself into some stupid situations over the years and called on her to help me out. EVERY SINGLE time she came to my aid with zero judgement or drama about the situation and simply got the job done with no fuss. The few times when I have helped her out in the same kind of situation I try my best to give her the same level of support she gives me. I know for sure that my "Bone Head" events far exceed hers, so I don't even have a leg to stand on when it comes to comparing stories!!!

I am a super lucky guy to have such a great lady in my life that puts up with all of my wacky stuff!!!! I think that it helps that I spoil the crap out of her every single opportunity I get to do so :devil:

I like how you roll!

:cheers:

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Another ex wife, she thought we needed some night lights in the baby room so off the store we go and after looking at every possible model made she settles on several that are automatic with the photo eye. Well we get out to the car (it was dark out) and she opens them up and right away says hey these are defective they do not work so before I can tell her you have to plug them in she is out of the car and on her way back in to return them, I just stayed in the car and several minutes later she returned and only said don't say a word!

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Different ex this time. Well, she dragged me off to some place like JC Penny's/Macy's/Belk/shoot me now store. She needed some new belts for her latest shopping spree. Well, we find her some belts in a store, and picks one up and says, "this one doesn't have any holes to buckle it up with." She picks up another one and says the same thing. At this point, I see the error in her ways, but do not offer any assistance, do I need to mention this one is a blonde? After about the 42239845621435th belt, I turn to her and pick up the other end of the belt to show her she'd been looking at the buckle side of the belt instead of the opposite end.

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I just remembered this one, my wife and I were renting a town home and both in school at the time. Well I'm at class one night and she is home alone, well during break I go outside to smoke and see I have a text that says she smells gas in are town home. So I freak out at first and then right before calling her, I remember we don't have a gas appliance in our home. She is well aware of this since she is the one who handles bills. So I call her back to find out she was using the dish washer and a plastic spoon had fallen out of rack and landed on the heating cool. To this day I do not know how you confuse the smell of burning plastic and gas.<br /><br />Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk<br /><br />

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  • 2 weeks later...

First of all Grumpy wins!! I will tell on my wife she doesn't get on here. Several years back we are on vacation and I pretty well knew the route I wanted to take, but to be sure I didn't make a wrong turn I asked my wife to look at the map that was already turned to the correct page, well she studies if for waaaay too long and I say hurry up I am getting close to the intersection, she say highway 6. I say what? I snatch the map and while driving look at it and the highway 6 was the really small numbers that designate the mileage between 2 points. Kinda like a monkey doing math problems!!

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First of all Grumpy wins!! I will tell on my wife she doesn't get on here. Several years back we are on vacation and I pretty well knew the route I wanted to take, but to be sure I didn't make a wrong turn I asked my wife to look at the map that was already turned to the correct page, well she studies if for waaaay too long and I say hurry up I am getting close to the intersection, she say highway 6. I say what? I snatch the map and while driving look at it and the highway 6 was the really small numbers that designate the mileage between 2 points. Kinda like a monkey doing math problems!!

I was waiting for Highway 9 with an upside down map :goof:

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Asked the wife if she could pull a water sample from the deep end of the pool and have it checked at local shop. When I got home from work she had the needed chemicals, but indicated how hard it was to get a sample from the bottom of a 10 foot pool!!! My response was " since I can't really swim what's the chance I ever actually dove to the DEEP end". The lady who runs the pool shop is our daughters best friend. Oh yeah, she thought it was pretty funny!!! Wife was not amused....

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went fishing one time. Is a different boat than the ring incident. Its a 25 foot walk around the cabin with twin 150 Yamaha. Well we got done fishing and we're heading back in she decided she wanted to learn how to drive the boat. We get close to the dock, I get the boat pointed towards the dock, moving slow, and bump it into neutral. I go up and stand in the pulpit, to jump out, so i can stop the boat. I tell her, when I get out, just back the boat up, and I'll go get the truck. All is going well, until she decides we're not moving fast enough to the dock. She puts the boat in gear, and now we're picking up speed. I've got my hands on the bow rail, real close to the floating dock now. ..going too fast... I tell her to put it in reverse, to stop the boat, so we don't slam into the dock...Forward is throttles forward, reverse is throttles back, right? She slams both throttles all the way forward, launching the bow out of the water, onto the floating dock, crushing it. I'm hanging on for dear life, cause I was expecting to be going backwards, not forwards...there are people fishing on the dock, btw... I estimate about 10' of my boat went onto the dock. Realizing what she did, she does the most logical thing in her mind...slam the throttles full reverse. This instantly somersaults me over the bow rail, landing face down on a pelican and seagull crap covered, broken floating dock, with people coming to see if I was alright. I regain my footing (and composure) look back at the water, and the boat is 50 yards offshore, backing in a semicircle, and moving away. I tell her to put it into neutral, and I'll be back in a few minutes with the truck...she's crying, sobbing, said she thought she'd killed me when I flew over the rail... I get back with the truck, by now there is quite a crowd, so instead of risking the same thing again....I dive in and swim out to the boat to bring it in. Not a word was spoken by either of us for at least an hour.....She doesn't want to learn to drive the boat anymore...

Grumpy,you made me cry.

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  • 9 months later...

Driving around the other day, my wife plugs her phone into my charger in the car, and promptly snaps the end off of it (the end that plugs into the phone). She is all apologetic. ..I ask her how it happened...She says she bent it till it just broke off...I asked her why...She says I thought your charger could bend to 90 degrees...She has the EXACT same phone charger as mine.

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