how do family men deal with competitions?

[Avezorak]

Seriously though, after dealing with me being deployed over 4 of the past 11 years my wife has become very independant.

Now that I'm reflecting on it a bit, I think this is a big part of it and I haven't wanted to admit it. My wife isn't independent at all. Well, double negative there. She's independent in terms of raising kids and operating a business, but horribly insecure in terms of social activities. If I run off doing my own thing for a few days, I know good and well she'll be back home moping around. I just can't deal with that. If I really want to do something, I have "permission" and am free, but we've been together for 17 years now and I can recognize faux outward support. It got especially bad when I was in a band several years ago, she always thought I was going to boink our lead singer.

Im in a similar situation. My wife relies on me a lot for social stuff and doesnt really have a lot of friends. We are best friends and spend a lot of time together. Shes never happy when Im gone on the weekends or for a few days to a major, but she is always supportive.

You have to take time for you. You will be miserable if you dont. If I was single, I would shoot every weekend. But Im not, so I do what I can.

[Iceman13]

Some years ago, in an all mens church meeting in a very wealthy Washington DC suburb a very distinguished gentleman stood up. He had listened to the men in the group talk about their hard work, and their successes in business and personally. There wasn't any boasting, it was just one of those discussions of men that were matter of fact, "this is how I did it" or someone asking "what's the best way to accomplish......"

There were whispers in the room, because he usually said very little. Those that knew him knew that he was probably worth more than all the rest of them put together, and they whispered that to their neighbor.

He started by congratulating the group on their successes. Then he said, "Some of you know me, some of you know I have been fairly successful in business, and that I have accumulated many things and a fairly large fortune. I want you to know that doing so cost me my first family, and very nearly cost me my second. I would give you every dollar in the bank, and every home and piece of property I own to go back and do things differently." At this point, there wasn't a single whisper. He continued, "I lost my children not to death, but to my greed and selfishness. That has been harder on me than losing them to death, because I, and I alone, created the loss. I am old now, and I would offer this piece of advice.....Spend EVERY minute you can with your children. You must provide for their needs, and maybe even some of their wants....but you don't need to provide every toy and every trip imaginable. I tried that, it didn't work. If you have hobbies, make sure that they don't impose upon that time with your children too much. You will never miss the money you didn't make while you were with your kids, but I can guarantee you will miss the time you didn't spend with your kids earning money!"

Hobbies are just that, hobbies. They should not take much time away from the only really important thing in this life, family.

If you need to compete, limit it tightly. Do not think that you can compete often while your children are at home, without a huge impact on them. If you enjoy it, they might also, so start involving them at a young age. While my kids were home (they are all married with children now), I dedicated no more than 1 Saturday a month to being away. I don't believe I always did it right, and that might not be right for anyone else, but it worked for me.

Admittedly, I am now behind the power curve in shooting, but I'm ok with that. I have wonderful memories and 8 grandchildren who enjoy spending time with grandpa! There will be more, and I look forward to that.

Good luck, its a hard path, but it is worth it!

[Waterfowl-widowmaker]

Get your wife and kids involved in shooting to. You'll be surprised how closer you'll become as a family.

[lugnut]

You gotta find a balance that works for you AND the family. I wouldn't be able to deal with not being able to have some of "MY" time. That being said I've raised two kids with my wife- both kids are in college now. I coached soccer for years, went on many cool trips and did tons of other things with my family. If I could go back and do it all over again I'd probably spend more time with the kids. However... I NEED some time for me to do stuff for me. My wife is the same way. It can certainly work with cooperation. If my wife wanted to go away on a weekend during my birthday I'd have no issue. I've gone to matches during my wife's BD... just make it up and let her know you appreciate it.

Now all this being said... I don't have dozens of hobbies and I don't go drinking with the guys every Friday night as an example. It can work with some planning and cooperation.

I'll also add this. If you "wait" until the kids are gone, the house is paid off, etc. You will be old, have bad eyes and likely not be in the best shape!! So get some fun in now too!

[Jim Norman]

During the Summer Months it is pretty much Family. I shoot a one day local match twice a month. We have for the last several years made an Area match a part of our summer trip. Started out that I shot it and then we took off OR we ended the trip there. Last couple years my waife and daughter have started helping out at registration so we wind up spending 4 days at the Area Match. I do the RO/CRO thing and they are over at Registration.

During the school year we can't do much travel so I get to take off and go to away matches with my buds.

We do have an RV which makes the trips more fun for all. Many times the RV is at the range for the Area so if eihter one gets tired or has down time, they can go back and rest. It also makes the trips cost less (Unless you try to amortize the RV), we cook our own food most of the time and obviously we don't have a Hotel bill to contend with.

I have seen families do this with a Pop-up tent trailer, a regular travel trailer and all sorts of RV (Bus, Van, etc.)

Essentially you make choices. One thing is to try to get everyone involved. Obviously the ages of hte kids will have an effect on that.

[Red Ryder]

Let's have an honest conversation. This sport costs a decent amount of money and takes even more time if you wanna be a B class shooter or better. Practice is a must, 15 to 60 minutes every day. Most people have to learn to reload, which takes more money and more time. It will change you as an individual. You control if it changes you in a positive way or a negative way.

This sport takes focus. You can't show up at a match and focus if your home and or work life is out of order. You need the support of your family to achieve. I rarely watch TV. I don't sleep in, in fact, I wake up earlier each day to do something, like clean a gun, reload, or dry fire. I am up by 6am every Sunday to go to a match. I give work and my family all of my time ( except 15 to 60 minutes each day - usually late at night or early in the AM) - Monday through Saturday. Sundays are mine, April till November, barring a family get together (which are usually late afternoon because they all know that I am a Shooter). It all depends on what your goals are.

In this game you get out of it what you put into it. Life is all about choices. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you and your family will not have to make sacrifices for your addiction. I don't drink. I don't gamble. I don't play golf. I don't have nights out with the guys. I've never been to happy hour. I don't hardly have any friends except fellow shooters. I occasionally have missed kid events and family gatherings. I spend about 12% of my time on me per week. I don't think that is too much. 28% sleep, 24% work, and 36% with the wife and kids. This game teaches you about a Balance between speed and accuracy. One can apply the idea of a balance to many things in life. Now, if I just stop wasting my dry fire time posting on this forum, I might make it to B class some day.

Edited October 13, 2013 by Red Ryder

[Jasonatlaw]

Get your wife and kids involved in shooting to. You'll be surprised how closer you'll become as a family.

From your lips to my wife's ears!

[MetropolisLake]

Let's have an honest conversation. This sport costs a decent amount of money and takes even more time if you wanna be a B class shooter or better. Practice is a must, 15 to 60 minutes every day.

I have no desire to play with guns for an hour a day even if I had no family.

I've come to the conclusion that a few 1-day club meets a year is all I can handle. "Club" sounds local but unfortunately that still requires a minimum of 6 hours round trip and an overnight stay. Round counts are lower so affordability is higher. My goal is a club meet at St. Louis or RockCastle once every month or two. Probably will be a good compromise between being gone all the time, and not being able to do it at all.

[kneelingatlas]

My wife actually suggested a family road trip where we would travel about the country hitting a local USPSA match each week

Maybe when the kids are older... For now I have a plan: our third child is due any day now so needless to say I have take a hiatus until further notice, but I feel like this is the perfect opportunity to actually improve! How you say? by actually training!?! My first year in USPSA has basically consisted of liquidating my gun collection, building up a new collection of competition pistols, working them over, learning how to reload, tuning loads, and shooting two local matches per month with no time left for practice. If I sneak off to the range at lunch time, it's generally to check zero or functionality of my latest project, but now I will actually practice! drills, dry fire, sounds exciting doesn't it?!?

[Ken_Bird]

The father and husband in be must agree with all of the guys in our same position. That is the adult and right things to do. but today, while I pondered my thought's on this subject the thought that kept coming back to me was if I had shot her 35 years ago, there would be no kids, and I would be out of jail by now. Ok...Ok....Ok just trying to add a small bit of humour. My true feeling are that if you sign on to play the game you know the rules and following them no matter what is the next right thing to do.Many friends say that they golden years will be here soon and again I can enjoy some me time. I think they are right on target there. Trouble is now I am there and all the GOLD is gone.

Thats my opinion, tell me yours.

Got to go, wht wife and kids are in the car and ready to go.

Later my brethren.

[Jim Norman]

It has been said by many in song and prose, Today is all you have, yesterday is a memory and tomorrow is a promise.

OK, If we all lived that way, I suppose we'd still be living outside of the mouth of caves, but a good balance is important. My Daughter is in school so as I said earlier I we can't travel as a family from September until July. Thi sgives me, short of a few weekend trips the rest of the year to sschedule match travel. Having to work and not having 12 weeks of vacation like some people I can't get everywhere I'd like to go. I am fortunate that I get to shoot in a lot of pretty cool places. Of course I'd like to get out west before it is too late. At 60+ I realize that I am not likely to wind up in the top 10 or even the top 10% at most big matches. OK, I still have a good time.

I get to travel by RV or plane (RV prefered) to a lot of venues. Been to RockCastle, Peacemaker, Ft. Benning, Tulsa, PASA, The Range, a couple more in North Carloina the names of which escape me, I want to make it to Raton one day. It all takes planning and an understanding spouse and children. I am lucky in both respects.

Heck , i was working in the Caribbean on our first wedding anniversary, Wife was home, could not travel with me, and we are still married 21 years later.

[a matt]

I have learned one important thing. It's not so much the time in minutes and hours, it's the quality of time in minutes and hours you spend with your wife. A kid that's a little different still working on that one and she is nine already. Lol. Its crazy how things turn out...

[sroe3]

Family comes first but I feel it's important to take care of yourself also. Nobody wants to spend time with a resentful grouch. I try to shoot one or two local matches every month. Sometimes it doesn't work out so I go plink a little after work or maybe hunt some crows or coyotes. I schedule a month ahead so I can plan my match around family activities. Money is more difficult. I just spent many hundreds of dollars reserving a family vacation when I would have preferred a new gun. Although I haven't bought a new gun in years I manage to tinker with the ones I have to optimize them for the shooting sports.

[captain037]

Yup family is first. Get them involved in your hobbies and get involved in there's. It's more fun that way and easier too.

[bigstick0000]

Married with grandkids. My wife and I discuss out of sate matches and check to see what else the area has to offer. Example, St George, Utah. Zion canyon along with tons of other canyons. We usually spend a couple of extra days sight seeing and it works great for us.

[TroyB]

I'm married with no kids, but I still don't want to spend every weekend at the range or match, well, I do want to, but I also want to keep my wife happy. I'll do one or maybe two matches a month and one practice session which she will usually go with me. I wish I could shoot more, but it's not exactly an inexpensive sport we have here.

[JJSJ]

I'm married, three kids of my own and one step son. My wife and kids all shoot and have done so from an early age so we are able to make family outings of going to the range. I have the same problem with going to shoots since my son plays football, baseball and wrestles and my step son plays three sports also. Just remember, they're only little once and it goes by way too fast

[george76904]

Well my father got me 100% hooked on shooting a few years ago so I end up planning my schedule around my shooting. So you know get your kids hooked at a young age! Of course you this is from the perspective of the child, but I nearly always make both monthly matches. Even with marching band and tennis.

Edited November 15, 2013 by george76904

[Jadeslade]

Sometimes you just eat match fees.

[Will_M]

As a guy getting married in a few months.....

This thread is depressing.

[No.343]

Hang in there. Our baby is now 25 and after 30 years of marriage my wife encourages me (practically pushes me out the door) to go shoot a match on Saturdays.

[MetropolisLake]

I nearly always make both monthly matches. Even with marching band and tennis.

That makes it sound local. I have to drive 3 hours to the closest place and get a hotel.

[george76904]

I nearly always make both monthly matches. Even with marching band and tennis.

That makes it sound local. I have to drive 3 hours to the closest place and get a hotel.

Well yes tge range is only about half an hour away from the house, and my father and I are usually the ones setting up and running the matches. Which makes it easier to plan a schedule around the matches.

[warpspeed]

I nearly always make both monthly matches. Even with marching band and tennis.

That makes it sound local. I have to drive 3 hours to the closest place and get a hotel.

I could shoot a match every weekend within 90 min of the house. Some weekends, both days.

I'm lucky, with my family and work schedule, if I get out 6 times a year. Something always comes up.

I just roll with it. Try and plan and when something supercedes, just let it. It use to bug me but now, I just enjoy whatever it is I'm doing.

[redial]

I'm biding my time, shooting only local matches. Teenage son and wife sometimes shoot and enjoy it but it's usually just me, meeting friends for a few hours before returning home.

I've been to Camp Perry for the Nat'l Matches only once since I got married in the mid-90s but went every year or two prior to that. When time at home loosens up in a few years, I'll shoot more "away" games.

Fam first!

Mark