Which is Harder - Overcoming Gobbling or Making GM?

[Esther]

GuildSF4 (Steve) - I remember you telling me that work is not the most important thing; family is.

I have a lot of big dreams. I've always wanted to be the best at something, and I think that is one of the traits that Max values about me.

But I spend so much time angsting about my work and how to serve the world, identifying as an artist and not "just somebody's wife," that I forget that my biggest act of service is to love and be kind to Max in our marriage.

Tonight's thankful item:

2) going for a walk for the first time in weeks! My ankle is finally feeling better!

[GuildSF4]

But I spend so much time angsting about my work and how to serve the world, identifying as an artist and not "just somebody's wife," that I forget that my biggest act of service is to love and be kind to Max in our marriage.

My wife does the same thing, I have to remind her how much she does. It is way more than she thinks and I am sure the same is true of you. Glad to hear your ankle is doing better.

[TJ1911]

GuildSF4 (Steve) - I remember you telling me that work is not the most important thing; family is.

I have a lot of big dreams. I've always wanted to be the best at something, and I think that is one of the traits that Max values about me.

But I spend so much time angsting about my work and how to serve the world, identifying as an artist and not "just somebody's wife," that I forget that my biggest act of service is to love and be kind to Max in our marriage.

Tonight's thankful item:

2) going for a walk for the first time in weeks! My ankle is finally feeling better!

I think you've touched on something very important-in Max's eyes, you already are the best at something. It's OK to want and strive for more than that, but we never want to forget how far we have come and what we have. I was talking with my martial arts instructor on Saturday about a form I'd been practicing at a really slow speed. I commented that when I did the move at a "normal" pace it became clear to me where I needed to be in terms of speed and balance to do it properly; I said that it was a good benchmark and a goal to work for. He told me that was a good observation, but reminded me that this experience showed how far I had come already, and to not forget that.

Glad your ankle is feeling better, and you can get out and walk.

[Esther]

GuildSF4 - . I'm glad you remind your wife of what a good job she does in loving you!

Tim - Thanks for sharing that. I've been pondering why it's easier for me to accept where I'm currently at while striving for much more in some areas than others (for example, I don't hate myself every day for being a C shooter when I want to be much better; I just try to do something most days to improve. On the other hand, I find it very hard to tolerate being 20 pounds heavier than I used to be.* Sometimes I think, "I cannot stand living in this prison of adiposity for one more day!"

But that would be like saying, "I can't accept shooting at my current skill level. I want to shoot like Mink tomorrow!!!")

On Friday I had a great practice with David in Oakdale. We practiced shooting around barricades and shooting the Texas star while moving sideways.

David always looks really relaxed while he's shooting, and I realized from imitating him that I don't need to crouch excessively while shooting on the move; I can just walk normally with knees bent and shoot.

Today I shot my third USPSA match and came in top C in Production. Overall I was happy with how I performed - I programmed the stages well and tried to let my sights dictate my speed. I shot more C's than I would have liked but had only 1 D and 2 misses (one at a target three yards away - yikes! ).

Up to this point I've spent the vast majority of my scarce ammo in practice rather than in matches, which I think was wise, but at this point I think I could use a lot more match experience. Encountering and breaking down different match scenarios, programming stages (which I did better today than I've done before but could improve vastly on - I thought of how the part of top shooters' brains that is devoted to 3D visual representation must be highly developed), seeing video of myself shooting and learning from it, are things I need.

Edited June 5, 2013 by Esther

[TJ1911]

I am facing the same dilemma re matches/practice. I really don't have an opportunity to practice on an IPSC range, so my "practice" at Texas stars, etc. is at the match itself; I work on other things at the range. It might be interesting for you to shoot some more matches "cold", and see how you do. You may be frustrated, but impressed by how far you've come at the same time.

[Garyg19]

Today I shot my third USPSA match and came in top C in Production. Overall I was happy with how I performed - I programmed the stages well and tried to let my sights dictate my speed. I shot more C's than I would have liked but had only 1 D and 2 misses (one at a target three yards away - yikes! ).

Up to this point I've spent the vast majority of my scarce ammo in practice rather than in matches, which I think was wise, but at this point I think I could use a lot more match experience. Encountering and breaking down different match scenarios, programming stages (which I did better today than I've done before but could improve vastly on - I thought of how the part of top shooters' brains that is devoted to 3D visual representation must be highly developed), seeing video of myself shooting and learning from it, are things I need.

Congrats thats a great match!

On an unrelated note, 2 1/2 hours to meditate seems like it would be excruciatingly long. On the other hand for an afternoon nap that seems about right.

[Esther]

Tim - What do you work on in practice?

Gary - Thanks! I agree about 2 1/2 hours for an afternoon nap.

So the big news is that I'll be moving to Virginia for a year starting in July. Max is finishing up his first judicial clerkship and has one more before we move back to California.

If you've been following my blog, you can probably imagine that this move brings up a lot of uncomfortable themes for me. Prioritizing my husband's career and moving across the country for it, and being almost 30 and without a "real" career track of my own, are not what I envisioned. It's funny because I don't regret dropping out of or turning down any of the safe, respectable careers I could have chosen. And we're lucky that I can write and shoot from (almost) anywhere, because that means Max and I can be together no matter where his job takes him, but at the same time it's a blow to my feminist ego to not have my career that Max sacrifices for too.*

I am also learning a lot about what it means to put Max's and our marriage's needs above my own, and to trust that my dreams will be taken care of even if I don't prioritize them above everything else.** Or rather, I am learning how much I don't know and need to practice.

* Of course, Max sacrifices for me in lots of ways, not least in enduring my angst as an artist. (I suspect that I, like many artists, am more lovable than I am livable.)

** It's like switching to a target instead of a front sight focus and trusting that you will still get your hits, and more effectively.

Edited June 9, 2013 by Esther

[Sleepswithdogs]

Esther, only know you from your diary, but from what I have observed, you are intelligent, resourceful, charming and determined. So, what could possibly stop someone like that?? I'll give you a hint... It starts with the letter "n" and ends with "ing." That reminds me of "The Wizard of Oz."

		DOROTHY		Well, I -- I think that it -- that it		wasn't enough just to want to see Uncle		Henry and Auntie Em -- and it's that -- if		I ever go looking for my heart's desire		again, I won't look any further than my own		backyard.  Because if it isn't there, I		never really lost it to begin with!  Is		that right?MCS -- Tin Man, Dorothy, Glinda, Scarecrow and Lion on platform -- theyspeak -- Glinda points down to Dorothy's slippers --				GLINDA		That's all it is!				SCARECROW		But that's so easy!  I should have thought		of it for you.				TIN MAN		I should have felt it in my heart.				GLINDA		No.  She had to find it out for herself.		Now, those magic slippers will take you		home in two seconds!

[TJ1911]

Tim - What do you work on in practice?

Gary - Thanks! I agree about 2 1/2 hours for an afternoon nap.

So the big news is that I'll be moving to Virginia for a year starting in July. Max is finishing up his first judicial clerkship and has one more before we move back to California.

If you've been following my blog, you can probably imagine that this move brings up a lot of uncomfortable themes for me. Prioritizing my husband's career and moving across the country for it, and being almost 30 and without a "real" career track of my own, are not what I envisioned. It's funny because I don't regret dropping out of or turning down any of the safe, respectable careers I could have chosen. And we're lucky that I can write and shoot from (almost) anywhere, because that means Max and I can be together no matter where his job takes him, but at the same time it's a blow to my feminist ego to not have my career that Max sacrifices for too.*

I am also learning a lot about what it means to put Max's and our marriage's needs above my own, and to trust that my dreams will be taken care of even if I don't prioritize them above everything else.** Or rather, I am learning how much I don't know and need to practice.

* Of course, Max sacrifices for me in lots of ways, not least in enduring my angst as an artist. (I suspect that I, like many artists, am more lovable than I am livable.)

** It's like switching to a target instead of a front sight focus and trusting that you will still get your hits, and more effectively.

E-

I'll write more later about practice, etc. and will share some thoughts about sacrifice/careers, etc. Are you a football fan at all? Do you know what the long snapper does for the team? This metaphor came to me a few years ago when I was having a similar conversation with another friend and reflecting on my own life and marriage.

Take care-talk to you later.

[Esther]

Tar - Thanks!! That is really kind and encouraging of you.

Tim - Thanks, I appreciated the insights you shared in your letter a lot.

Yesterday I shot a USPSA match at Oakdale (my fourth USPSA match and second at Oakdale). I'd been getting mixed hits in practice and matches since starting to push for speed, and yesterday I just tried to get my hits. I succeeded for the most part and had mostly A's, no deltas or mikes, and about a dozen C's. The first stage went really well - I shot 32 out of 32 A's about as fast as I can currently shoot. But I think I could have shot the classifier (steely speed vii) and the last stage (32 rounds on hoser targets) more aggressively and still gotten my hits.

I shot 66% of the Production winner. That is a big improvement over the 57% that I shot at Richmond the last match and the 55% I shot at Oakdale two months ago.

Things to remember: 1) In stage breakdown, look for the most efficient path to get to where I want to go. Deviating from a straight line to get closer to targets is probably not worth the time it takes. 2) Don't take longer than I currently need to get my hits!

[Esther]

Not much shooting lately. Just got back from apartment hunting in Virginia (but was staying in DC, so no dry or live-fire ). But I will get to shoot one more match at Richmond before going away for a year.

Excerpt from an email to Max:

I went to Reed's and live-fired for the first time since shooting the match on the 16th. I ordered 1,000 rounds of reload 9mm's in March that finally arrived yesterday morning, so I brought those rounds to the range. At first all of my bullets were hitting high, and I couldn't figure out why -- I was sure I must have WAY deteriorated, or forgotten how to aim, or my sights had shifted, or something. But then I thought, this is the first time I'm shooting groups with 147-grain, flat-nosed bullets (not sure if the shape makes a difference or not); in practice with David, I shoot whatever I can find, but we're shooting at USPSA targets so I don't notice small accuracy differences. But at Reed's, I think I've only ever shot at a 3" circle with Miwall reloads or Blazer Brass, both of which are 115 or 124g bullets. I had the idea to buy 1 box of Blazer Brass from Reeds, and immediately, I got center hits at 10 yds, 15 yds, and 20 yds. (I shot a nice WHO group at 15 yds that was all in the 10-ring, and freestyle at 20 yds I had all in the 10 and most in the black.) So clearly my aiming and sights weren't off, and I didn't suddenly suck. Then I switched back to the 147g, and immediately my hits landed higher again. It wasn't a huge difference - at 10 yds, they were still all in the 10 ring and extended from the top of the black sticker to the border of the 10 ring; at 15 yds, the group was about 1" higher than it would otherwise be; and at 20 yds, the group was about 2" higher.

I was surprised that the heavier bullet weight grouped higher, because I would have thought the heavier bullet would go more slowly and therefore drop more over distance. But I Googled and learned that heavier bullets impact higher because they travel through the barrel more slowly and hence leave the gun at a later point in the recoil cycle, when the gun's muzzle is more elevated.

Now that I know what a big difference bullet weight and load can make to point of impact at different distances, I'm going to make sure to sight in my gun for whatever match ammo I'm using!

[DonovanM]

Having to aim so high to use 115gr ammo used to bother the crap out of me until I started shooting all 147s.

Never looked back.

[TJ1911]

Bullet weight definitely makes a difference, and so does velocity. How did those loads feel compared to the 124 or 115 grain rounds? I've been thinking that if I start reloading 9mm, I might try some 147 grain bullets, since I'm so used to the heavy 230 grain bullets in the .45. We need some pics from your farewell match at Richmond :-)

[GuildSF4]

Sounds like really good groups. (For future reference if you are hitting hi, low, left... Relax, step back, then

using the same aiming point, do a slow controlled press and look at your group size it will tell you if it is you

or the gun. BTDT)

[Esther]

Tim - The 147 recoil definitely feels softer. The timing feels different, too. My favorite ammo so far have been the lead bullets that David's loaded for me and the competition rounds that Jeremy loaded and let me try in my first match. (I'm guessing both were 147g, but not sure...)

Steve - Thanks!

A line that I copied into my notebook a long time ago is: "The work to be done called for this life." (I'm not sure who said it.)

I don't know if people have specific destinies, in that things have to happen one way that is already decided, but I do like the idea of everything in one's life preparing one, if one allows it, to give in a way that one wouldn't otherwise be able to, that no one else is qualified to do.*

I've been following the work of Gary Taubes and Peter Attia, and both of them have qualifications, skills, and experiences that enable them to contribute greatly, and uniquely, to the nutritional sciences. They are doing the kind of excellent, not-yet-done work that, if I were in their field, I would want to be doing.

I often pray that the experiences I am having - especially the painful ones - will one day allow me to make a similar contribution. For example, a lot has been written about addictions from a neuroscience, biochemical, clinical, socio-cultural, personal/memoir, and philosophical/theological perspective. A lot of people are doing very good work that helps many who are suffering. But I haven't yet come across anyone who integrates an understanding of addictions (and specifically, food addictions) across all those different perspectives.

Furthermore, no one (to my knowledge) has yet done a thorough meta-study of which treatments work, and to what extent, and under what circumstances. To my understanding, Alcoholics Anonymous is held up as the gold standard of recovery programs, even though we don't know how it works (is it the community? the surrender to a higher power?) or what percentage of people it works for (it's hard to gather statistics on a group that is, by definition, anonymous ). All we know is that many people testify to having stopped abusing alcohol through AA (i.e., all we know is that AA has worked for at least some people).

But what about the people for whom AA (or rehab, or cognitive behavioral therapy, or whatever) didn't work? What was different about their situations? And why do we import the AA model of recovery to all addictions (for example, Overeaters Anonymous - OA - is based on the same model of abstinence, even though food is not a substance that can be abstained from!) and/or without re-thinking its theoretical underpinnings (for example, many churches offer addiction recovery programs that are basically "12 Steps plus Jesus")?

Not to mention, no one other than Dunnington (that I am aware of) tries to give an account of what addiction is, and why we see so much of it in modern societies. There is still so much that we don't understand and haven't asked.

I don't know if that is (one of) the specific work(s) that I will do. But visioning such scenarios/possibilities helps me to bear moments like this, when I have mega gobbled for the nth thousandth time and am tempted to give up hope and feel like a big, fat banana slug.**

* Max sometimes notes that I am very teleological, that I look for the purpose in things instead of just seeing them as they are.

** Not that there's anything wrong with resembling a banana slug, especially if you are one!

Edited July 3, 2013 by Esther

[56hawk]

Tim - The 147 recoil definitely feels softer. The timing feels different, too. My favorite ammo so far have been the lead bullets that David's loaded for me and the competition rounds that Jeremy loaded and let me try in my first match. (I'm guessing both were 147g, but not sure...)

My ammo is a 147 grain bullet at just under 130 pf. Glad to know it's one of your favorites. It might just feel softer since it's not loaded that hot. A lot of factory 9mm is over 140 pf. That is enough to feel a noticeable difference.

[TJ1911]

Tim - The 147 recoil definitely feels softer. The timing feels different, too. My favorite ammo so far have been the lead bullets that David's loaded for me and the competition rounds that Jeremy loaded and let me try in my first match. (I'm guessing both were 147g, but not sure...)

Makes sense-the whole recoil impulse will be different.

[Esther]

David - It definitely is. It is always a huge pain in the butt to drive out to practice with you, but worth it!


Well I had two good practices with David this week! Our first practice, I wanted to work on transitions. We set up two USPSA targets at 10 yds and gradually moved them farther apart. We then put a dueling tree with 6" plates in the center and shot 2 paper, 1 steel, 2 paper. I had one run with all A hits with a 1.31 draw and .24 splits (I forget what the transitions were.) Overall my draws and shooting were faster without getting terrible hits.* Even David said he noticed that I had improved a lot since the last time we practiced. That meant a lot and made me very happy, especially since I've barely gotten to practice at all since then.

Today we worked on distance change-ups and accuracy. We set up paper targets at 7 yds, 15 yds, and 25 yds. My splits weren't far off of David's (hundredths of a second), but my transitions were a lot slower (tenths of a second), especially my transition from 7 to 15 yds. (I think because the shift from a target to front sight sight focus is harder than the shift from a front sight to more refined front sight focus. And I'm just not that confident yet in how much of a sight picture I need to hit A's at medium distances.)

So I can gain a lot of time if I improve my transitions.

Somehow I re-injured my ankle. It hurts a lot and annoys me.

* I always sacrifice accuracy somewhat when I practice with David, but it's helpful because my instinct is to be slow and accurate. Chasing David's times helps me to push the pace until the wheels fall off.

Edited July 5, 2013 by Esther

[Aglifter]

A) The iron mind bands for working the extensors are quite helpful.

Some animals have a problem with uncontrolled eating - the mastiff-related breeds can have it, and one of the ways you can "force feed" an animal for butchering is to keep filling their feed trough while they are eating.

The force feeding technique seems to work on a variety of animals, but the "bloating" issue which affects mastiffs, bulldogs, etc, seems to be genetic.

Could you have an SIRT or airsoft pistol in DC?

[Esther]

Aglifter - Thanks for the info and suggestions. Yes but we'll be moving to Virginia, so I'll be able to practice with real guns.

Jon - I saw the chickens at Richmond!



Yesterday I DQ'ed in a match for the first time. I was doing a reload while moving left and back and broke the 180. I've learned my lesson.

Even so, I had a fun time. David drove out from Modesto to shoot my last Richmond match in a while (I'll be driving across the country to Virginia in a week), and I got to see my friends Kit, Ken(s), Manny, Kenny, Kevin, and Andre; and make new friends Lori and Tim.

I also shot two stages about as well as I can currently shoot.

Here is video from yesterday.* Please feel free to comment on anything you see me doing right and/or that I need to improve. Thanks!


Stage 5:

34 rounds, down 3 B's and 2 C's.

I took 4 shuffle steps getting from the start position to where I could shoot my first target and moved way too deep into the first port instead of going in a straight line to the corner array. I was happy with how I mostly kept moving through the last straightaway and made up a shot in the last array right away. I need to be able to do my mag changes in 1-2 steps and be ready to shoot immediately after.

Stage 1:

17 rounds, down 2 C's and 1 D (but 1 C and the D were on a disappearing target).

I was happy with how I shot the disappearing target immediately as I came around the corner. I was also happy with how I indexed on the last 3 steel instead of waiting for them to fall, though watching video my shots sound a lot slower than they felt! Backing up I shifted my feet before shooting steel, and eventually I want to be able to shoot as I'm backing up. It looks like I lowered my right hand a lot for the mag change.

* Originally, I was going to wait until I had lost weight and made A class before posting video, but the possibility of improvement overrides vanity.

Edited July 9, 2013 by Esther

[lumpygravy]

* Originally, I was going to wait until I had lost weight and made A class before posting video, but the possibility of improvement overrides vanity.

What are you kidding? You're like 90 pounds soaking wet.

It has been quite awhile since I last saw you shoot and I like the progression. You're definitely much more decisive and sure of your movement.

Edited July 10, 2013 by lumpygravy

[Sleepswithdogs]

I second that@! You're shooting great and looking hot!@! What a wonderful combination.

[DonovanM]

Stage 5 - first thing I noticed was you seem to be creeping the buzzer a bit. Maybe you were just off balance (which isn't good), or maybe you were tense before starting the stage. Your mileage may vary of course, but for myself, I like to be the eye of the storm before hearing the buzzer. I don't care if and when it goes off. I'm not some coiled tiger about to unleash hell. That may work for you though. Just something to notice.

You dropped your gun down a few inches at :08. I would have transitioned straight across and kept my arms extended. You did it again right afterwards, BUT you were moving and got the gun nicely back up as you planted for the next target. Good.

Do you have to use your left hand thumb to drop your mag? No bueno. I can't really see what you did at :14, but whatever it is caused you to start reloading slowly out of that position, which may have led to you having the bad entry (extra step) at :17. This is something to work on I think. Look where you want your feet to go and set them once. Now, this takes a bit of doing - especially at short distances and shooting Production - as you're probably going to be reloading most of the time. So in order to free up extra brain power to focus on your movement, you need to practice reloads enough to push them all the way into the realm of subconscious competence. I've spent a bunch of time practicing reloads, and that's paid off extremely well for me in learning movement.

You had a better position at :22. You set your feet once. I wonder though if you could have set up better to transition to the second target. I didn't shoot the stage so I don't know. You had to change your foot position and leaned over a bit more for the next one. That may have been necessary, but it may not have been.

You moved and shot aggressively on your way through the last position. I like how you didn't stand up and crouch down again, you stayed at the same level throughout.

Overall pretty good stage. One thing to notice is that your split times seemed to be pretty even, which may or may not have corresponded perfectly to the difficulty of the targets. It looks like that is "your speed" of how fast you can call shots at the moment. This will improve in time. Obviously you WERE calling your shots with the immediate make up shot (nice) and the points you shot (also nice).

Stage 1 - Nice draw with the step, transition and shooting on the first two targets. I think you could have moved better and more aggressively if you turned your body out of this position instead of walking backwards. This also contributed to the bad entry at :11 because you couldn't look back to see where to set your feet. I like your exit from there though and shooting on the move backwards - very nice. Shuffling backwards here was more acceptable because of the reload, but I think you still could have turned your body a bit - at least, that's what I do. Good setup at :16. Decent entry on the last position, but you reset your feet just a little bit. Overall pretty good. That delta hurt, but you could have done worse.

Overall, you are definitely on the right track. It's too bad you have to take the next month off, but take a few minutes here and there to watch some video and work with your trigger if you can. Every little bit helps. Also, at random intervals during the day I like to visualize and airgun a little bit in the warehouse at work, even picking a spot and practicing a position entry. No gun required, you should be able to feel what a solid entry feels like.

[TJ1911]

E-I'm looking at this on my phone, so can't see a lot of detail, but overall it looks really good. You're probably faster movement wise than I ever was. One thing to think about is decelerating a bit more smoothly when reaching a shooting position. It looks like you're slamming on the brakes pretty hard, which can get you off balance. Fun to see you on video even though I can't see your face. :-)

[Esther]

Jon and Tar - Lol, I wasn't fishing for compliments but thanks!

Donovan - THANKS!!!

Stage 5 - I noticed the gun dropping at :08 too and wondered if it would not have been better to transition straight across with arms extended. Not sure what I did with that reload either, but I'll try not to do it again. (I flip the gun to hit the mag release with my right thumb.) I agree that my reloads need to be much faster and subconsciously competent so as to free up brain space to focus on movement.

I've noticed that with my shooting pace too. Like you said, I think it has to do with how fast I can call shots and control recoil right now. As what I need to see to make and call each shot changes over time, and as I learn to transition faster and control recoil more effectively, I'm hoping that my speed will naturally increase and correspond more perfectly to what each target requires.

Stage 1 - What do you mean by "turning your body... instead of walking backwards?"

Tim - Thanks!!

Edited July 10, 2013 by Esther