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Yet another funny true story


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Again involving my brother Matt.

Matt's a State Trooper Sgt who waaaay back was at his station with a relatively quiet day going on when the S.P. K-9 guy stops in to see him.

The K-9 wants to "work" his dog but its hard to get someone to willingly wear the bite sleeve once much less than multiple times.

My brother has seen the K-9s while working but has never seen the K-9 put the bite on someone up close...but my brother , being the intelligent guy he is, won't wear the bite sleeve himself.

Its a lot like parades...if you're IN the parade you can't really SEE the parade.


Matt has the desk guy call one of the new guys and tells him a story about how he needs to come to the station in rough civilian clothes 'cos he's going undercover on an assignment and he has to hurry because the helicopters coming to pick him up.

This poor guy goes home...gets dressed in jeans and work type stuff and drives back to the station.

He arrives to see the K-9 cop, the dog, and my brother standing there and my brother has the bite sleeve in his hands.

The new guy takes this all in and suddenly he makes a deduction..."The helicopter's not coming for me....is it?"

"Not the helicopters not coming for you...but this dog IS."

They get the guy in the sleeve and the handler tells him "When you run and he chases you? DOn't try to hold onto the sleeve when he grabs it. Let it go...o-k? "cos if you don't he's going to yank you all over creation until you do so let it go right away when he hits it. Got it? O-k ...start running."

Initially the guys afraid (rightly so) to run...the dog is mega-excited now seeing the bite sleeve come out and a guy who (obviously even to a dog) is going to play the bad guy so he's (the dog) just ready to jump out of his own skin he's so worked up....teeth exposed...barking....jumping up and down...ready to go.

The young trooper? Lets just say he's not as enthusiastic about the activity about to happen as the dog is.

The handler tells him "Look ...you gotta run...ok? The dog is trained to get the guy who's trying to escape...you don't run he might just grab you somewhere you DON'T want him to so get going dude."

Now the guy takes off and keeps looking over his shoulder every few steps. The handler is just standing there with the dog...my brothers watching the guy get smaller and asks the handler..."Hey ...ah...don't you think he's getting too far away?"

The handler just smiles..looks at the dog...and says " BULLET....FAUSS!!!"

The dog takes off like the space shuttle on steroids and is up to mach 3 in about 2 seconds.

The poor guy in the field takes one look (dog is about 50 yards away) when the guy starts to turn again the freaking dog is ON HIM.

The dog hits this guy like a freight train ...completely knocks him off his feet (not a little guy) and now the guy is holding onto the bite sleeve and the dog is RAGDOLLING this guy all over the field as the handler yells:"LET GO!! LET HIM HAVE THE SLEEVE!! HE'S GOING TO BITE YOU IN THE BALLS IF YOU DON'T LET IT GO!"

The guy finally gets sane again and lets go of the sleeve. Now the dog is trying his best to tear the crap out of the sleeve. (Made of fire hose stuff)

My brother is suitably impressed with the dog.....not so much with his troopers performance. "You call that running? My dead grandmother runs faster than that! Ok This time I want you to try and zig zag a little."

They run this poor new guy and the dog clamps on him until he's exhausted.

Then they have him hide and send the dog out to find him and let him drag the guy out of hiding into the open.

The poor guy is covered in dirt...has dog hair all over him and is physically spent and my brother tells him "You did great. The K-9 guys was very happy with your performance and is going to ask the Captain if you can be a regular part of their training program."

The guy just stares at my brother ....unable to speak.....until my brother finally breaks out laughing and tells him he's only kidding around. The guys so relieved he just sits down saying "Don't do that sarge...you scared the crap out of me."

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Did you all see the Mythbusters' episode where they tested out how tough bedliner sprayed stuff can be? They sprayed some clothes with it and had a K-9 have at it. The dog was smart, took one chomp on the bedliner covered arm, and immediately started looking and biting at various, ah, softer parts.

I do NOT want one of them coming at me.

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I don't care how tough that stuff is bro when that 80 pound dog hits you its worse than mean Joe Green hitting you.

Their bite pressure is crazy tough and human bones break around 10 PPSI of pressure and the friendliest dogs (like Golden Ret) have bite pressures that GREATLY exceed that#.

My K-9 cop neighbor has had fellow officers get broken arms through the sleeve from the bite of one of their dogs.

Screw that job....nd the first one of their dogs that comes at me I burning through ALL my ammo in about 2 seconds.

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