Woman

[Dalmas]

1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel

like they're actually in control.

2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant,

so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes

in the closet; you "just don't understand".

4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can

hear them.

5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort

to trap you into feeling guilty.

6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to

fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's

why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more

physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man

*wants* to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when

there's a spider or a wasp involved.

10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And

they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or

three people.

11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance

to gossip.

12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's

doing. It might be the lottery calling.

13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they

wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch.

14. Women think all beer is the same.

15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in

the shower.

16. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain

forest.

17. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment

that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds

them of how horrible things *could* be.

18. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of

clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip

she'll

pack 21outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each

day.

19. Women brush their hair *before* bed.

21. Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.

22. Women are *never* wrong. Apologizing is the mans responsibility, "It's

there in the bible". hmmm who was it that gave Adam the apple?

23. Women do *not* know anything about cars. "Oil-stick, oil doesn't

stick?"

24. Women have better restrooms. Ladies receive the royal treatment in the

ladies room. Gents just get a large bowl to share.

25. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A

man would not be able to identify most of these items.

26. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't

looking, men kick cats.

27. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for

two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they

will talk for three hours.

28. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the

garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

30. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of

getting lost using a shortcut.

31. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'

32. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it

means that.