(W)ussies Who Won't Hand Prop

[EricW]

Pussies Who Won’t Hand Prop

[Reader’s note:

We’re in the process of selling my father’s airplane, a Ryan PT-22 (a WWII vintage trainer ) - a process which has turned out to be a total pain in the ass - as I have to waste one or two days of my time on every tire-kicker who flies out to see it. I can’t wait to sell the SOB, so I can move this rant to my own site.

For “safety” reasons, the Ryan originally came with a Model-T type of crank starter where you stuck a handle through a hole in the side of the engine cowl and turned the engine over with the crank. It was total bullshit and all it did was make the plane heavier. Any “safety” enhancement was illusory for various reasons. The first thing people did after the war was rip the crank starters out of the planes and lose 30+ lbs of dead weight. To start the aircraft, you just grab the prop and give it a gentle pull and, the gods of fuel-air mixture willing, the plane will start itself. Just like safe gun-handling, there are simple rules one follows for safe hand-propping. This system worked just swimmingly for over 60 years, until a bunch of brain-dead morons decided that they needed the crank-starters again.]

“I want to buy your Ryan.”

“Okay..”

“Do you have the crank starter for it?”

“No.”

“Where is it?”

“Probably rotting away in somebody’s old hangar somewhere. We have part of the engine assembly, but I haven’t seen the handle in a couple decades. The gear drive is long gone. You realize that nobody uses the cran.......”

“I WANT THE CRANK STARTER!”

“I don’t have one to give you. If you’d let me, I can show you how easy it is to handpro...”

“I NEED THE CRANK STARTER!”

(Sigh.....) “I don’t have one to give you.”

“I’m not going to hand prop.”

“But it’s not hard if you just let me show you. We tie down the tail of the aircraft and we also have a snubber to prevent the throttle from being bumped open. It’s just not that hard or very dangerous.”

“I’m just not strong enough to hand-prop.”

“You don’t need to be, there’s a technique if you’ll just let me show yo...”

“You think I’m a pussy because I want to use the crank starter.”

“I never said that.”

“But you think it. You think I’m a pussy don’t you?”

“Okay, you’re a pussy.”

“I can’t believe it! You want me to buy your airplane, and you’re calling me names?!”

“Okay, you’re not a pussy.”

“But you still THINK I’m a pussy.”

“Fine, you’re still a pussy.”

“I can’t believe you think I’m going to buy your airplane after you called me that!”

“I don’t recall ever saying I wanted you to buy the airplane.”

“You don’t want to sell your airplane?”

“I do.”

“You just don’t want to sell your airplane to ME. Is that it?!!”

“I never said that.”

“Do you really think I’m a pussy?”

“I know women who hand-prop their Ryans, so on that basis, I wouldn’t call you a pussy.”

“So now, I’m not good enough to be a pussy?!”

(sigh....)

“Well, I still need that crank starter. Where is it?”

“I told you, probably still in the same corner of the same hangar where somebody chucked it fifty years ago.”

“But which hangar?”

“You want a list of all old hangars between here and San Diego?”

“No. I want to know WHICH hangar it's in and preferably which corner.”

“You realize that by now it’s probably rusted into nothing.”

“I want the crank starter!”

“I just don’t have one to give you.”

“Fine! I’m going home.”

(And good riddance, you big pussy.)

[Jake Di Vita]

“Okay, you’re a pussy.”

“I can’t believe it! You want me to buy your airplane, and you’re calling me names?!”

“Okay, you’re not a pussy.”

“But you still THINK I’m a pussy.”

“Fine, you’re still a pussy.”

HAHAHAHAHA, I've been laughing at that for like 10 minutes.

[Jeeper]

Thats some funny crap!!!

[kdj]

The FAA induced fear of hand proping is ubiquitous. Personally, I tend to hand prop to save the battery as a back up for the radios when the generator fails

Good luck with selling the plane ... I'm about to put mine up for sale so I hope the market really picks up for antique planes of character!

Kevin

[Jon Merricks]

Why is this not in the humor forum? I needed a good laugh.

[short_round]

“Fine, you’re still a pussy.”

HAHAHAHA!

[warpspeed]

Thank you for the laugh - I needed that today

[SiG Lady]

My god, is that a true story??!! Cripes, and to think we have to walk the same planet with these morons... (or pussies, as the case may be)!!

[Nik Habicht]

Eric,

Your final line should be something like this: You're too stupid and chickenshit to own a fine plane like this. I don't want any part of you earning a Darwin award in it.... ....and you surely would, in record time!

[Larry White]

Funny story and a really nice old aircraft. Larry

[EricW]

Eric,

Your final line should be something like this:  You're too stupid and chickenshit to own a fine plane like this.  I don't want any part of you earning a Darwin award in it....    ....and you surely would, in record time!

Actually, that's almost verbatim what I muttered to myself when the guy jumped on a jet and left.

Like everything in life, the story is partly fictional, mostly true. Our model of plane was nicknamed "The Widowmaker" in WWII because it has really nasty stall characteristics. It was (and still is) a pilot-killing machine. This guy was so cavalier about it, that there was no way I was going to sell it to him. Even our mechanic tried to talk sense into him to no avail.

He wanted to go flying across the wilderness in a plane that has an hour and a half of gas on it.

"You do realize, that if you go down in the trees over North Idaho or Montana, the next time anyone sees you, you will be falling out a grizzly bear's ass."

"No."

"You will be following I-90 home. Got it? Good."

(I'll save my rant about jackasses who go fly over big timber on a lark with no experience, no transponder, no survival gear, and no f-ing clue for another day.)

I put it in the Hate section because this crap is really starting to grate on me. The "character" in this story also wanted to chisel me down over 30% in price on something that probably listed below market value just so we can move it quick. I'm about ready to start telling people, "before you even hop on the smoker or hit your mag switch to start the trip out here, you damned well better have cash or a cashier's check for the sale amount or I'm not even going to talk to you."

[/Grumpy Mode]

[dajarrel]

Eric,

Nice lookin' plane. I can't tell and I'm not familiar enough with the model to know, but is the prop fixed pitch? The reason I ask is that I have hanging on my study wall a prop my dad took off a WWII trainer at the Memphis Naval Air Station during his training in waning years of WW2 that bears a fair resemblance. It is laminated wood with tip and leading edge protecters of copper riveted on. The only markings visable are "FLOTTORP G R MICH." It's a neat keepsake as it used to have a clock in the hub but it's been long gone.

I hope your plane finds a home in the hands of a true enthusiast.

dj

[Liota]

Eric,

I just spent a minute or two wiping the tears out of my eyes!! Had to do it quietly, since hubby is still sleeping. What a feat!

But seriously, do you really care if the guy ends up as part of a Darwin Award??? I'd only be worried about the plane. This guy will find some other way or plane to end up on the front page of the Darwins.

Thanks for the laugh this early in the day.

Liota

[Vince Pinto]

Eric,

I had to go change my shorts. You should go on Leno or Letterman. Ha!

[Larrys1911]

Eric,

you need to find a used one somewere. Get the guys price on it.

Get the A&P to figure a cost for install and then quadruple the whole thing.

Tell them on the phone there is no hand crank and the cost for the crank and installation will be $XXXX. Then when they start in on the hand crank you can look them strait in the eyes and tell them they are a stoopid and "Pussy" too boot.

I think youre last line should have been;

Good, I didnt want to sell my plane to someone thats in his own words, “not good enough to be a pussy!” and stupid too, anyway!

Larry P

[steve223]

ROTFLMAO

Steve

[BigDave]

I can't decide which is better, this or your France rant!!!

[EricW]

This one's the better rant.

It gets especially good when you find out we sold the airplane for basically full-price to a Gemini/Apollo astronaut.

[kdj]

It gets especially good when you find out we sold the airplane for basically full-price to a Gemini/Apollo astronaut.

Where did you advertise it to attract such an august audience?

My Chipmunk is about to go up for sale ...

Kevin

[EricW]

It gets especially good when you find out we sold the airplane for basically full-price to a Gemini/Apollo astronaut.

Where did you advertise it to attract such an august audience?

My Chipmunk is about to go up for sale ...

Kevin

Good ol' Trade a Plane. Having the online ad linked to my website helped a lot. It lets you run a cheap ad - then be able to have the web savvy folks immediately be able to find out all the vital statistics.

[TriggerT]

I needed the laugh, thanks.

No doubt "You are a Pussy!"

[ErikW]

Why some people don't want to hand crank

[Nik Habicht]

Now that's funny....

[EricW]

Why some people don't want to hand crank.

Hand propping is not the problem. Nothing personal, but that article is pure, undiluted horseshit.

a) The pilot is a moron and a liar. I'll bet anything that that a/c was NOT "moored". You always tie down the a/c AND chock it AND lock the brakes AND snub the throttle. Any pilot who's had their head out their ass in the past century, even briefly, knows that a/c brakes are totally unreliable - so unreliable that one of the mandatory preflight checks is to verify that you have brakes immediately after beginning to taxi.

b ) It is illegal to hand-prop any a/c without a pilot at the controls.

c) Anybody who starts an a/c at full throttle is a dumbshit, handprop or not.

d) Aeronca Champs obviously are dumbshit magnets because they're the only people who would actually pay money for an a/c that flies that poorly. It literally has the worst airfoil in all General Aviation.

e) Good riddance to another POS Champ. It's the most worthless airplane of all time, and I wouldn't shed one crocodile tear if they bulldozed them all into a pile and burned them in one giant pyromaniac orgy.

[Flexmoney]

Folks...that is what a hate rant is all about.

Venting.