Jump to content
Brian Enos's Forums... Maku mozo!

Retrosexual vs. The Rest


SiG Lady

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 113
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • 4 months later...

I believe the editor of American Handgunner got a hold of this post or the original write-up. Something very similar was published in the last section of the most recent issue. Good deal!

GO RETROS!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 years later...
After reading through all this all I got to say is these here "retro-sexuals" are a bunch of pansies! What happend to real men? :roflol: KurtM

<_< I looked at 1/3 of the first post to decide List are not for me. I looked at it this time because I was surprised to see your name. :mellow: Now ! I am even more surprised to see that you -!Read -All the Post-! What ? is wrong with you?

And ....No.... I don't want a list of answers

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This was e-sent to me yesterday by our notorious forum member representative out in St. Louis...

THE RETROSEXUAL MALE:

Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement. "

The Code :

A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "wakin' up".

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your Ford truck.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his truck--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but

any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's)

NOTE:

The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough.

He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !

Thank you Darlin'...I don't know what caused you to post this, but it struck the nail on the head...I would love to pay for our date, pull out your chair, open your door for you and show you a lovely time, and if anything came up...ie: robbers etc, it would depend on who was fastest out of concealment, concerning "Dealing With It"...

And it isn't being Retro anything...just Old Fashioned, like my parents and grandparents taught me....

Love Ya

Tightloop

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I need a ruling from the "Retro_sexual Committee" on the use of "Snow Throwers" to remove snow from the driveway/walkways.

I say its good because its a gasoline guzzling big machine so thereby increasing the manliness quotient. However I was informed that by foresaking the shovel it actually decreased ones manliness.

I think I need SIG LADY's input.

(Also Please bear in mind and factor into the equation the multiple back surgeries and total inability to shovel snow at this point.)

JK

Link to comment
Share on other sites

At Rocky Mountain 3gun, we stayed in competitor housing and one of out neighbers,

also a squad mate, had a GAS powered Margarita blender. We had electricity but the

gas made much better tasting Margaritas. Does this count ?? :roflol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The use of snow-throwers might depend on the QUANTITY of snow needing to be 'thrown' and the square acreage of the area being "dealt with"... and, yes, the relative condition of your spine. If it's a small area and your back is sound, then a shovel is probably both sensible and manly--and good exercise. If you have a certifiably bad back and the area is moderate to large, grab the snow-thrower and act manly while doing the deed. :D Your manliness quotient will thusly not suffer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I guess a snow thrower is ok for a "retro" but a real man knows chains and 4x4 says I don't have to do any "snow throwing"....although you do get a minor guy point as it is gas powered. KurtM

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:mellow: Tight-Loop! the post is fours years old ...She starved to death buy now, waiting on that dinner.

How do you know Siggy and I have not been carrying on a cross continent fling for those 4 yrs...a gentleman never kisses and tells and I am sure neither does Siggy... B)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I guess a snow thrower is ok for a "retro" but a real man knows chains and 4x4 says I don't have to do any "snow throwing"....although you do get a minor guy point as it is gas powered. KurtM

So, a real man would use the 4x4 with snow chains and allow his lady to slip and fall in the driveway? Because all that compacted snow will turn to ice sooner or later.....

I'm thinking a real man clears the snow --- out of the driveway, off his beloved's car, etc......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No Nik!!!! A real man chains up his ladies 4x4 for her...after all it doesn't snow in the garage, and once inside she is just fine...besides one of the best plows out there is the front bumper of a big diesel truck! Real men don't remove the elements...we crush them....while drinking beer of course! :cheers:

Edited by kurtm
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...