JerryShoots Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Do any of you guys ever deal with guilt on match day? I have a family and a job. I work hard and I earn a good living. I've never stolen money from myself that should have gone to the bills to buy a gun or ammo or anything related to the sport. Every time I go to a match or the range though lately I feel guilty. Like I should be working instead of shooting or spending time at home. When I buy something for shooting I feel the same way. I have no reason to feel bad I have a budget for shooting and I stick to it. Still I'm dealing with this and I don't know what to do. I know it's destroying my scores though. I love to shoot it's even to some extent a part of my career so it's not like I will ever give it up. Any thoughts/helpful advice on this one? Thanks in advance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amerflyer48 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I get the same way come duck season,.... work all year and get so used to it ,..when season comes I feel like I am "abandoning" work or family,.. it is what you become used to,... any change to the "normal" feels odd or depending on your personality "bad".. in the end you do need some down time,.. for me it is duck season its OK to be your own worst critic,..but don't be too hard on yourself.. John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlamoShooter Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 (edited) you stick to your Budget ? wow? I did that once for a day or two. I suggest that you do something "Extra" for your family or home. Something Like getting up 1 hour early and make an extra nice breakfast or do some prep for the nights dinner. Something extra that you may not even make the wife aware of = but you will know= The Best Sporting Clays score that I ever had was when I got up early to finish roofing the house before the event , and still make it in time for the 2pm cut off I also suggest that you avoid spending extra cash to make it up Do something that is not easy. But Do It and forget it, Do it without any hope of Honey points Guilt yes I have it , but I earned my guilt Edited April 3, 2011 by AlamoShooter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EEH Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 everytime I feel that way I just go out and buy my wife a new gun,,problem solved,it don't matter that she don't shoot,that's her fault.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flexmoney Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 What leads to a state of mind that has you feeling bad about enjoying yourself (responsibly)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JerryShoots Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 I wish I knew. Just one of those things I deal with regularly but haven't really discussed with my peers before. I've spoken about it at home and have been reassured many times that I've got nothing to feel guilty about. I like the get up early and make breakfast idea but unfortunately I do about half the cooking now. We both love to cook. Your on the right track though I think I will pick a time in the next few weeks and have a gun free family day(The carry gun still goes though ) I do appreciate the input folks and would like to hear more thoughts on the subject. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Romans 13 4 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Family days are muy importante!!! I recently downsized my workload to spend more time with the family. I've gone through the guilt thing also. The most important thing that helped me is realizing that if I don't take care of myself, physically and mentally, then I'm not 100% there for the family. So physically and mentally for me means practicing and going to the range (and working out). Another option is along the lines of what AlamoShooter said...... Do something around the house or for the family that has needed done for a while or is unpleasant task (think cleaning out the garage or gutters). Do the task sometime the week before the match and then tell yourself you EARNED the trip to the match and it's OK to go. A little mental game for yourself. Don't know if it will help, but maybe it'll spark something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loves2Shoot Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 In my best Wayne's World impression voice, "You are worthy, you are worthy..." Seriously, do you spite your family when they are doing things they enjoy? Balance in life is always tricky, but if you can do, why not do it while you can, because there will be a day that you can't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blaster113 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 If you dont spend at least some time enjoying your hobbies you could possibly harbor resentment toward your spouse and/or girlfriend, and kids if you got'em. We all need some time for ourselves and I try to give the wife space too. Gotta strike a balance. For me I work shift work 50-60 hours a week, dry fire 5x a week, work out 4-5x a week, practice once a week, shoot a club match on Sundays and still make time for the family. Shooting is one of the few hobbies I actually allocate time for anymore and the wife is somewhat understanding. Once in a while I'll forgo a club shoot if there's something really important. Taking the wife to the CONUS with me for major matches helps keep her quiet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flexmoney Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Sharpen the saw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeg1005 Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 (edited) I'm not married... and I don't have kids... but I know sometimes when I do stuff I like and someone else puts in their two cents about "Well you should be doing this... instead you are doing what you want." I always end up feeling guilty like.. hmmm maybe they are right. Is someone at home making you feel guilty or are you yourself doing it? MIke. Edited April 4, 2011 by mikeg1005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JakeMartens Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Nope I have offered for any of them to come, my son tried a few matches, did pretty good, but wasn't his cup of tea. My 9 year old daughter is very interested and took her along to BITB match and then the next day she shot her first match, steel challenge. This got both my wife and 13 daughter interested. Both want to head to the range and try some shooting. Going to get my wife in a training class with ACT, and she is going to get her carry permit. The 13 year old and I are going to work on the 22 now. Never tried to force this on them, just now showing interest. Working on schedule now to have my wife hit the road and go with me to some matches Have to work on balance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JerryShoots Posted April 4, 2011 Author Share Posted April 4, 2011 Again I really appreciate all of your contributions. I also would like to thank the many wonderful members that have PM'd me with thoughts and words of encouragement. I really have no reason to worry I just seem to do so anyway. On a happy not we're planning a family vacation after the Single Stack Nats! Gonna do a 4 day weekend up in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan here and hit a good lake or two, catch some fish and be a family Also to clarify I don't have children. By family I mean myself, Niccole our team of huskies and one incredibly loyal Black Lab(who is like a USMC drill sergeant among kindergartners with these huskies!). We are both however very close with our parents/grandparents/siblings and my 2 nephews. So far 37 of us are on board for this family fishing trip with a total of 18 boats going out. I want you all to know that this little family reunion or reconnection as I like to call it is you folks' fault Thanks guys from all of us we needed this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GONZO!!! Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 JerryShoots... Yes! I know exactly how you feel and it is very difficult to describe to some people. I was married before and have three great children. I never did make the promises that young men make to their families. We divorced years ago and I moved away to make a living. I had to pay $650 mnth in child support plus my own expenses so i had to go where the money was. I have since remarried and have a great wife and have wonderful grandchildren...my wife and I have four horses. Two of them are my very own. I pay all of my bills and while we are from from rich, we have a nice home and acreage in the country. My ex and the kids think of me as "Bank of Dad" ...I get guilted into sending extra money all of the tiem. I know they do it and can see it coming from a mile away...and yet the guilt inside of me makes me send more... FAST FORWARD... After 21 years I am getting the USPSA competition bug again. I find myself 'sneaking' a new box of ammo, or a couple of new 1911 magazines. My current wife doesn't care one bit. Our bills are paid. We have our own checking accounts for our own personal spending...but still ...I find that even with the new wife I feel guilty buying somethng. I wear suits to work and I kid you not, I wont hardly buy myself new clothes because I feel guilty about wearing nice suits or nice shoes. My wife sometimes almsot forces me to buy new things. Then i feel privately guilty about it inside. When I said I wanted to start competing again, my wife was all for it. She supports me to go for it and said she would come take pics, video tape, whatever if i wanted her to....yet...I am secretly trying to look for a reloader and i feel too guilty to say anything to her. It was a struggle when I went to purchase a 1911 at a gun show a couple of months ago. Wife was with me. I had picked one out and yet i walked and walked and walked and came back to it and put it away and said no...then walked and came back and then walked away...my wife told me I deserved it and to stop feeling guilty and buy what i wanted. I finally did and the whole time I am driving home I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. again...dont really understand why...I jsut know that I do....it is a strange feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlamoShooter Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I don't have a MD diploma on the wall ,and I have a reputation as a jokester. But in all seriousness. two of you guys would have /could have a much better life with some professional counseling. Guilt robs everyone around you besides just your self. I do not intend to offend. I feel very strongly that you should bring up the Guilt and Counseling to each of your wifes. Its not a sign of weekness to ask for help any more Could be the best "Shooting"? cash you ever spend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lumpygravy Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 +1 for AlamoShooter's last comment. I'm no professional either, but if you believe it to be a problem there is a possibility that it may spill over into other areas of your life. Having your spouse's support is a great building block towards addressing the source of any guilty feelings, however, there may be something deeper in your respective psyches that might be more effectively addressed by a professional instead of on an internet forum. We all are more than just participants in the shooting sports. Our obligations to other parts of our lives are at least as important as our devotion to the sport. It would be wise to ensure that other parts of our lives are just as "well tuned" as our raceguns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aglifter Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Men don't do well letting family consume them, usually. If you want to do what's best for them, you need some downtime away from them. It may sound counter-intuitive, or rude, but everyone's life in a family is greatly improved, if you're relaxed, and have had some time to enjoy yourself. Its the same reason why you have to take time off from work - which can seem very difficult if you have your own business - but time away works wonders. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ACraig Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 Men don't do well letting family consume them, usually. If you want to do what's best for them, you need some downtime away from them. It may sound counter-intuitive, or rude, but everyone's life in a family is greatly improved, if you're relaxed, and have had some time to enjoy yourself. Its the same reason why you have to take time off from work - which can seem very difficult if you have your own business - but time away works wonders. I agree fully. As a man with many hobbies (golf, luthiery, r/c planes, hunting/fishing, USPSA...) and a similar family situation (presently a few dogs and a wife, with one on the way come October), I have experienced fleeting (key word) moments of guilt for spending so much time and money on my personal pastimes. But I know I'm a much better, nicer person when I get an ample dose of "me time" turning flat boards into acoustic guitars, focusing on a putt, or wading in a river trying to figure out how to get a picky trout to suck in a dry-fly. For me, it is all about balance. Work, wives, bills - life in general - are stressful. You need to find a way to relieve some of that stress, and sometimes sending a barrage of supersonic lead downrange is just the ticket. I will say that of all my hobbies golf and shooting evoke the strongest feelings of monetary guilt. Setting aside the cost of tangible assets that must be purchased to enjoy the sport (gun, belt, holster, pouches, extra mags, usually reloading equipment), the cost of ammo (or components thereof) can quickly hurt the old pocket book and, other than brass, you can't recoup its cost. Likewise, with golf you have your tangible assets (clubs, ball, shoes, etc), but you can't recoup the $60.00 you spend for that 3 or 4 hours on the course. Sometime I find it difficult to justify such pure entertainment expense. (I know any hobby generally comes with such expenses, but they seem more glaringly obvious in golf and shooting) Again, I speak only of monetary guilt; I've never felt truely guilty about time spent enjoying either sport. And I don't let monetary guilt stop me from doing either. You just have know thy limits. I'll be in a better position to respond to this question towards the end of the year. I have a Cheely custom due to arrive the same month as our first child is due to arrive. That could be trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flexmoney Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 Shooting is therapy. Try this. "I am a shooter. I shoot." If it's a money thing...sell the stuff you don't use. Go shoot 22 rimfire. Get others involved. Knocking bowling pins off a 2x4 rail is fun for everybody. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dillon b Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 (edited) A lot of the time when work gets slow and i have more time to shoot, I feel guilty about shooting 2-3 times a week. I have my own range so no dues, i reload, cast my own bullets, cutout my own targets, and i still feel like i am wasting money that i could spend on bills, family, etc. But now when i shoot i let let everything else go away and i just have fun. worry about bills and stuff after, shooting is relaxing. Since i have had this mentality, my shooting has improved DRAMATICALLY and it is more enjoyable. Edited April 17, 2011 by Dillon b Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calishootr Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 if the bills are being paid, and the spouse truly encourages you to go out and shoot??? then dammit, go out and shoot, life is short notto be happy, we work really hardfor our money, and if shooting is your thing,then by all means go out and do it, for me, like someone said, its therapy, it allows me to concentrate on it and it alone for a few hrs before back to the grindstone of life...i had a friend who had a wife who ruled with a iron thumb on top of his head, he was a wonderful husband and he provided for his family like no other and STILL she hated him shooting competitively... i had a GF who didnt realize that my shooting was all consuming(9 matches per month at that point) she saw it as 8 hrs of standing around w about 2 minutes of actual trigger time...and stopped coming to matches...i would come home to indifference blah blah...yeah...her an i are no longer together Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Maybe I'm a sociopath, but the thought of feeling guilty for going to the range is, quite frankly, an utterly alien concept to me. I kind of feel guilty that I have to sit at a desk at a dead-end job churning out crap no one will ever look at rather than blowing it off and going to the range. I guess it's an issue of priorities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 You can only experience guilt if you are not present. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirveyr Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Jerry, I too feel some guilt when I'm at the range. My profession requires me to travel quite a bit and I don't get to shoot nearly as much as I would like. I only get a few days home every few weeks and I try to cram a bunch of stuff into those days. My wife is very understanding, but I still feel awful about leaving her to spend any time away from her when I am home. I miss my wife, my dog and the few friends that I have, but I try to appreciate the little bit of time I get with each of them. Don't let the guilt get to you. Be where you are. Wherever that is. Be all there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadowrider Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Not one little bit! It took me 20 years to be able to afford the guns and gear. I used to read all the gun rags while running my machine and just wish I could have something like a dedicated competition gun. I did have a bit of a cow when I finally took an inventory of my safe for insurance. But no guilt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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