tightloop Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Cool stuff... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Like I said, I think the blonds in the Blond Jokes are getting smarter..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tman33_99 Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 (edited) T-G-I-F A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F." He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly. He again answered, "S-H-I-T." The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F." The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T." The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. "'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?" The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday.'" Edited March 18, 2006 by Tman33_99 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AikiDale Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Moral - Not all Texans are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, butall men are men. Whoever said that hasn't seen that movie I haven't seen about the sheepherders. She was just plain lucky! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 Essential question: Would you (guys) be attracted to a bald WOMAN........?....... [/color] If she still had ears, yes..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tightloop Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 I don't know Merlin...I could do without Sinead O'Connor or Melissa Etheridge.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 I don't know Merlin...I could do without Sinead O'Connor or Melissa Etheridge.... There are times when political considerations can be/are forgotten, if but for a few brief moments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Legend has it that there is a bar in Glasgow where, in the ladies room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie... Poof. They are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again. Sooooo, a redhead of questionable looks walks into the ladies room, stands before the mirror and says, 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.' Poof. The mirror swallows her. Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, 'I think I'm the sexiest woman alive.' Poof. The mirror swallows her. Then, an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and stands before the mirror and says, 'I think...' Poof. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Ooops... Blond joke reality returns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tightloop Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Blade Tech holster....$55 Mag holders ............$42 Not being blond....PRICELESS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 Stamps for Christmas A BLOND GOES TO THE POST OFFICE TO BUY STAMPS FOR HER CHRISTMAS CARDS. SHE SAYS TO THE CLERK,"MAY I HAVE 50 CHRISTMAS STAMPS"? THE CLERK SAYS, "WHAT DENOMINATION? THE BLOND SAYS, "GOD HELP US. HAS IT COME TO THIS? GIVE ME 6 CATHOLIC, 12 PRESBYTERIAN, 10 LUTHERN AND 22 BAPTIST!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
et45 Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 A blonde is on vacation in Florida when she decides that she wants a pair of alligator shoes.She stops at a road side shop and discovers that they start at $500 a pair.She tells the man the price is way too high and that she will kill an alligator and get her own shoes.The man thinks "yeah right,whatever".On the way home the man passes a lake and standing knee deep in the water with a rifle is the blonde.10 dead gators are flung upon the bank.A large gator is swimming right towards her,when the gator is within 10 yds she nails him right between the eyes.She drags him up on the bank and looks him over and raises her head and screams"Shit,This one is barefoot too". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zhunter Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 On a nice summer night in Michigan, two blondes are sharing a bottle of wine, laying out and looking up at the stars and the moon. It is a crystal clear night, and the conversation turns philosophical. ( If that is possible ) One blonde says to the other while looking at the beautiful full moon, "What do you think is closer, Florida or the Moon?" Very quickly, the second blonde says, " Well DUH, the moon is, you can't see Florida from here!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GentlemanJim Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 (edited) Wow I almost missed this one (posted way too early in the am) I thaught the blonde was going to MOON the other one to prove the point!!! Jim Edited February 14, 2007 by GentlemanJim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MichiganShootist Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 I know those two Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ima45dv8 Posted June 7, 2007 Share Posted June 7, 2007 The body builder took off his shirt at the athletic club and the blonde said, "What a great chest you have." He tells her, "That's 100 pounds of dynamite, baby." He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive thighs you have." The body builder tells her, "That's 100 pounds of dynamite, baby." He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her, catches up to her, and asks why she ran like that. The blonde replied, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw the short fuse." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markm Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 The Ventriloquist A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blond jokes. Suddenly, a blond woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blond jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blonds, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blond yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP, AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS, AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY, AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT. THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN, WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON. THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE." HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS "I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO ". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarge Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 Blonde and a brunette jump off a building. Who hits the ground first? The Brunette, the blonde stopped and asked directions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Team Amish 1 Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 A brunette walks up to a shepherd and tells him, "I bet I can guess how many sheep you have here, just by taking a quick glance at them". The shepherd, knowing that it takes forever to count all his 649 sheep, responds, "I know you can't!" The brunette replies, "If I can guess the exact number of sheep you own, I want you to give me one. In fact, I want to pick whichever I like best." "Done deal", the shepherd says. "You have 649 sheep," the brunette exclaims, makes her pick and starts walking off, with her prize across her shoulders. "Hold on a minute", the shepherd yells,"I have a bet for you, too. If I can guess your true hair color, you'll have to give me my dog back." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nvmichael Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 (edited) Blondes Are The Best!!! A blonde & her husband are lying in bed Listening to the next door neighbor's dog.. It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed And her husband says, "The dog is still barking, What have you been doing?" The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++ Two Blondes With Hammers... Lynn & Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail , Pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, ' Why are you Throwing those nails away?' Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of Them have the head on the wrong end & I throw them away.' Judy got completely upset & yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't Defective! They're for the other side of the house!' +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.' +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ You might have to think twice about this one. A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip Of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency Room doctor asked her. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting Off your finger?' 'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, & Then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000 .00 for these implants... I'm not shooting myself in the chest.' 'So then?' asked the doctor. 'Then I put the gun in my mouth, & I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 To get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.' 'So then?' 'Then I put the gun to my ear, & I thought: 'This is going to make a Loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the Trigger. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A blonde was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad Hailstorm.. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he Decided to have some fun... He told her to go home and blow into the Tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands & knees & started Blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little Harder, & still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her & asked, 'What are you doing?' The first Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the Tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.' +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A blonde was shopping at Target &a mp; came across a shiny silver Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took It to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she Bought the thermos & took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked? 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot & cold things Cold,' she replied.. Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?' The blond replied...... 'Two popsicles &some coffee.' +++++++++++++ AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that My mother had passed away.' The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the Day? Take the day off to relax & rest.' 'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it & I have the best chance of doing that here.' The boss agrees & allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass & the boss decides to che ck on the blonde. He looks out from his office & sees the blonde crying hysterically... 'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks. 'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!' Edited February 14, 2011 by nvmichael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zhunter Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 My God, who thinks these things up...?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avezorak Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 My God, who thinks these things up...?? Real life experiences.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toolguy Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 My God, who thinks these things up...?? Brunettes and Redheads. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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