Misc Texas Jokes

[ErikW]

A Texas State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-30, near Texarkana The

trooper asked, "You got any ID?"

The driver replied, "'Bout whut?"

A group of Texas friends went deer hunting and paired-off in twos for the

day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the

weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked.

"Henry had some kind of stroke. He's a couple of miles back up the trail,"

the successful hunter replied.

"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they

inquired of him.

"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one's going to steal

Henry!"

Regarding the year 2000, a senior at Texas Tech was overheard saying, "If

the end of the world comes, I hope to be in East Texas. Everything happens

there 20 years later than the rest of the civilized world!"

The young aggie rancher came running into the store and said to his buddy,

Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was? The young rancher answered, "I

couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

NEWS FLASH! - Austin, Texas -

Texas worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150,

piloted by two Texas A&M University students, crashed into a cemetery

earlier today in College Station.  A & M Corps Member Search and Rescue

workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb

as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and

are helping in the recovery efforts.

[Merlin Orr]

Best bar in a Texas college town

A Texas Tech graduate, a University of Texas grad, and a Texas Aggie were

sitting in a bar in San Antonio. The view of the river was fantastic, the

beer was ice cold and the food exceptional.

"But," said the guy from Tech, "I still prefer the beer joints back in

Lubbock. There's one place where the owner goes out of his way for the

locals. When you buy 4 beers, he will buy the 5th."

The Longhorn guy said "Well, at my local bar in Austin, the owner will

buy your 3rd drink after you've bought 2."

"Hell, that's nothin'," the Aggie guy responded. "Back in College Station

there's this bar where the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you

a drink and keep them coming all night. Then when you've had enough to

drink, they take you upstairs and see that you get laid. And it's all on

the house."

The Red Raider and the Longhorn immediately doubted the Aggie's claims.

"And this actually happened to you?" asked the Longhorn grad.

"No, not myself personally," admitted the Aggie. "But it did happen to my

sister."

[AlamoShooter]

Ok Thats about ,All!

In a battle of wits, an Aggie is defencless

But they can spell , so I leave them alone

Edited January 16, 2006 by AlamoShooter

[tightloop]

Why don;t they teach drivers ed and sex education at the same time at A&M? The donkey gets tired....

[wide45]

Love a good Texas joke

[SA Friday]

Ok Thats about ,All!

In a battle of wits, an Aggie is defencless

But they can spell , so I leave them alone

....defenseless.....

[Ron Brooks]

Did you hear that they were going to move Texas A & M to Oklahoma?

They figured it would raise the IQ of both states by 50 points.

[boo radley]

A Texan was in the Boston MA area, for a business trip. Driving back to the hotel, in a rental car, he and a co-worker pass a restaurant with blinking red neon sign, reading: "Lobster Tail Cold Beer"

He slammed his hand on the dashboard -- "STOP! By Gawd, Almighty! Them's my THREE favorite things!!"

[J-Ho]

So far I don't see how any of these are jokes. They sound perfectly reasonable to me.

[DonT]

So far I don't see how any of these are jokes. They sound perfectly reasonable to me.

Yeah, I don't get it. And Bubba don't get either

Ok so this Texas Highway Patrolman pulls over this old rancher one day for a busted taillight.

The officer was not in the best of moods and was really giving this rancher a hard time.

While the officer was writing up a citation he kept having to stop and swat at a bunch of pesky flies that were annoying him.

The rancher said, them there circle flies are pretty bad this time of year.

The officer responded, yeah, why do you call 'em circle flies.

The rancher says, well because there usually found on the ranch circling the back side of livestock.

The officer paused for a moment and said, are you calling me a horses a$$.

The rancher replies, oh no sir. I have too much respect for law enforcement to ever say anything like that. But I guess you can't fool those circle flies.

[dajarrel]

So far I don't see how any of these are jokes. They sound perfectly reasonable to me.

Yeah, I don't get it. And Bubba don't get either

Ok so this Texas Highway Patrolman pulls over this old rancher one day for a busted taillight.

The officer was not in the best of moods and was really giving this rancher a hard time.

While the officer was writing up a citation he kept having to stop and swat at a bunch of pesky flies that were annoying him.

The rancher said, them there circle flies are pretty bad this time of year.

The officer responded, yeah, why do you call 'em circle flies.

The rancher says, well because there usually found on the ranch circling the back side of livestock.

The officer paused for a moment and said, are you calling me a horses a$$.

The rancher replies, oh no sir. I have too much respect for law enforcement to ever say anything like that. But I guess you can't fool those circle flies.

[oraysor]

A Texas Preacher and His Congregation;

The preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this

Congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop

traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fainted, and the congregation roared.

Y'all have a nice day now, ya hear!!!!