Tribute and Remembrance

[TJ1911]

The subject of this tribute died ten years ago, but last fall I was fortunate enough to experience a wonderful day of memories and peace.

My longtime friend Lance Goen died on April 13, 1999, in a motorcycle accident on the 405 Freeway. Next to my wife, he was my best friend. Lance got me into IPSC shooting, and my life has been enriched by all of the good times and friendships that came out of my involvement with the sport.

Over the years, I have kept in touch with Lance’s mom Maria, who still lives in Orange County. Since Lance died, this dear lady has gone about the sad business of disposing of Lance’s possessions – motorcycles and parts, dive gear, books, etc. At Christmas of 2008, Maria asked me if I could help her sell what was left of Lance’s knife collection. Our plan was to get together in early 2009, but illness in my family and life in general pushed that back to November of last year.

Joining me on the trip was Tina, a good friend who was very close to Lance. Tina mentioned that she had never visited Lance’s grave. I was a bit ashamed to admit that I had not been back to the grave site since the funeral. So, we agreed to meet at the cemetery before taking Maria to lunch.

Plans were made and the day came-typical nice Southern California autumn day; sunny and bright but not too warm. I was a bit surprised to discover there was no marker on Lance’s grave; Maria explained later that she hadn’t decided yet what to put on the stone. However, she does mark the grave with a dive flag (Lance was a master diver and underwater photographer). She takes the flag up every Tuesday, and replaces it later in the week, so it doesn’t get thrown away with the old flowers, etc.

We spent some time at the cemetery-not overly sad, just a quiet time reflecting on all the people whose lives Lance had touched during his 39 years on earth, and enjoying the beauty and quiet of the cemetery. Lance is buried in the same cemetery as John Wayne-I think it would make him happy to know he shares a resting place with the “Duke”, who was one of his heroes.

Later on, we headed to Maria’s little house in Newport Beach-we spent some time reminiscing, and I went through what was left of Lance’s knife collection. I’m no edged weapons expert, but it appears some of what he had could be valuable, and I was glad to be of help to his mom. She is unfortunately dealing with some health issues (see “Prayers For Maria” post under Injured Reserve), and I’m sure she can use any money she makes from the sale of the knives. Since our visit, I have been able to refer Maria to a specialty auction house, who hopefully can help her sell the knives.

After a nice lunch and more Lance stories, it was time to go our separate ways. It was one of those days you don’t want to end, but has to, as they always do. We had so much fun we’re planning to make this an annual event, to coincide with Lance’s birthday.

What did I take away from this great day of fond memories?

People who lose someone close will be very grateful for anyone who can share a memory of their departed loved one. I expect this is especially true for a parent. The smallest detail, or most mundane story may be totally fresh and new to them, and warm their heart.

Along those lines, I don’t think it’s ever too late to visit with someone who’s endured this kind of loss, and share a story or two. There are lots of people in the world who feel they only have their personal memories of departed loved ones to sustain them. They may think others have forgotten about the person who has passed, and perhaps about them, too.

While it’s never too late to pay tribute, don’t wait too long-you never know what might happen in your own life to keep you from making an important visit like this.

We’ll be back next year, for cheesecake and memories. Thanks to BE for giving us a place to share these memories.

TJ