New to this whole thing as well. Working with a good local dealer that sells reloading stuff only. They also do reloading of their own for sale. They gave me their personal preferences, which this all may come down to anyway.
Pistol: Accurate No.2 or No. 5 seem to be a good all aroung choices that will work fine for your 9mm, .38/.357 and 45APC. I plan to load the same rounds. WIN 231, Hodgdon Tite Group and HP-38 also suggested
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Rifle: .223, Accurate 2230 or 2520. Also RamShot TAC, Hodgdon Varget, H335 other suggestions.