Kenpo Joe
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Posts posted by Kenpo Joe
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Two Horses
in Humor
A man was driving through west Texas one spring evening. The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours.
Suddenly his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died, leaving him sitting on the side of the road in total isolation. He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it going again.
Unfortunately, he had a limited knowledge of cars, so all he could do was look at the engine and feel despondent.
As he stood looking at the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries.
Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, "It's your fuel pump."
The man raised up quickly, striking his head on the underside of the hood.
"Who said that?" he called out.
There were two horses, a white one and a black one, standng in the fenced field alongside the road. The man was amazed when the white horse repeated, "It's your fuel pump. Tap it with your flashlight and try it again."
Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flashlight, turned the key and sure enough, the engine roared to life. He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away.
When he reached the next town, he ran into the local bar. "Gimme a large whiskey, please!" he said.
A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man's ashen face and asked, "What's wrong, man? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"It's unbelievable," the man said and recalled the whole tale to the rancher.
The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. "A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a white horse?"
The man replied to the affirmative. "Yes, it was! Am I crazy?"
"No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're lucky," said the rancher, "because that black horse don't know chit about cars."
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Bear Attack
in Humor
On a tour of Alaska, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the
mountains for some sight seeing.
He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a
frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat,
wearing sandals, shorts, and a "Save the Whales" T-shirt was struggling
frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the jaws of a
10 foot grizzly.
As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing
up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two
reached up and pulled the bleeding semiconscious Democrat from the bear.
Then using long clubs, the three loggers beat the bear to death and two
of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly
placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give
you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there
was a bitter hatred between loggers and environmental activists, but now
I've seen with my own eyes that that is not true."
As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was
that guy ?"
"It was the Pope," another replied, "he's in direct contact with God and
has access to all God's wisdom."
"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all God's wisdom, but he
sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting..... By the way, is the
bait holding up okay or do we need to go back to town and grab another
one?"
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An atheist was walking through the woods, admiring all that the "accidents" that evolution had created.
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw the grizzly was closing. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run faster. He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw strike him.
At that instant the atheist cried, "Oh my God!...."
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky,
"You have denied my existence for all these years, taught others that I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light,
"It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well" said the voice. The light went out. The river ran. The sounds of the forest resumed....and then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed its head and spoke:
"Lord, please bless this food which I am about to receive ..."
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An Alexander County, Missouri Deputy pulled a car over on I-57 about 2 miles north of the Missouri-Arkansas state line. When the Deputy asked the driver why he was speeding, the
driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Branson to do a show that night and didn't want to be late.The deputy told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver
would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.
The driver told the deputy that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle with. The deputy told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his squad car and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler stated that he could, so the deputy got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler. While the man was doing his juggling act with the lit flares, a car pulled in behind the squad car, a drunk got
out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the squad car, opened the rear door and got in.
The deputy observed him doing this and went over to his squad car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "Might as well take my a$$ on to jail, theres no way in hell I can pass that test."
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I was at a conference in PA lately and at lunch we were discussing travel and specifically planes. One guy said he got on a plane, it pulled away from the ramp, started down the runway and the pilot shut down the engines. They taxied back to the ramp, the front door opened and after an hour of waiting they took off again. He asked the flight attendant what happened. She replied that the pilot heard a noise in the engine so they went back and got a new pilot.
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Posted 06 February 2003 04:02
Elephant Hunting - Different Approaches
MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.
EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.
PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
1. Go to Africa.
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass,
a. Catch each animal seen.
b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
c. Stop when a match is detected.
EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.
ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS prefer to execute Algorithm A on their hands and knees.
ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.
ECONOMISTS don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.
STATISTICIANS hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an elephant.
CONSULTANTS don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.
OPERATION RESEARCH CONSULTANTS can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants.
POLITICIANS don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.
VICE PRESIDENTS OF ENGINEERING, RESEARCH, AND DEVELOPMENT try hard to hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible elephants are completely prehunted before the vice president sees them. If the vice president does see a nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) compliment the vice president's keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.
SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.
QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.
SALES PEOPLE don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens.
SOFTWARE SALES PEOPLE ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant.
HARDWARE SALES PEOPLE catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as desktop elephants.
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1,500 on my 650
27,000 on an ammo master when I worked for a commercial reloading company.
Neal in AZ
Intel6,
A lot of people have been whining on this board about how long it takes to change out calibers on the Dillon 1050 or 650.
Perhaps you could tell us how long it takes on the Ammo Master.
Back on mute.
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Man, that is just freaky.
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One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Director
was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven
where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though,
it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once
had a Human Resources Director make it this far and we're not really
sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman. "Well, I'd like to,"
replied St. Peter, "but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is
let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose
whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven,"
said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in
an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she
found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf
course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her
were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and
they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up
and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They
played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club
where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the
Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a
great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time
that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand
and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went
up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and she found St. Peter
waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next
24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She
had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St.
Peter came and got her. "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent
a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said. The woman
paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say
this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a
better time in Hell." So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and
again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a
desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends
were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in
sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we
danced and had a great time. Now all there is, is a wasteland of garbage
and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you,
today you're staff..."
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A friend gave me several hundred primed 45 cases that he had from the mid-70's and evey one went bang when I pulled the trigger. They had been stored in those 50 round plastic cases in who knows what kind of environment.
Back on mute.
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I don't know about WST, but I use 4.8gr. Titegroup and Win. primers with my 200gr Bear Creek bullets. One of these days I will have to pick up a pound or two of WST just to try it out.
Back on mute.
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None of my aunts or grandmothers were like that, but the nuns in the Catholic grade school... now, that's another matter.
+1 on that.
Back on mute.
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I use Titegroup exclusively in my 45. I've tried others and this one is a soft shooter.
On another forum it was mentioned that WST and Titegroup are the same powder, made by the same manufacturer. I don't know if that is true or not.
Back on mute.
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I use them in all of my handguns. I have never had a problem with them and they are accurate in my guns.
Back on mute.
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Stuck in C,
I usually use the reloading manual with the "best" velocity and start off by downloading by 10%. Then work your way up to the manuals maximum, looking for warning signs along the way that you are at maximum pressure.
In the case of 308 Win. and Varget, I find that the maximum listed on the canister works best in my M1A.
All of the above advice is excellent.
Back on mute.
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The empty brass tumlbling around in the case-feeder bowl, on the other hand, is quite noisy.
That I'm OK with. It will definitely be done in the garage since it doesn't require my presence - just load it up, turn it on and get back inside.
I think that you are confusing the case cleaner with the case feeder. The case feeder feeds the cases to the press while you are reloading.
"Back on mute"
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+1 on the AMERC, except that the primers keep falling out. If I miss them when sorting the brass before reloading, I usually find them when loading magazines by the missing primer.
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+5 for Hogue.
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My son has a Roomba and his cat jumps on it every time it starts up. It'll then stalk it around the room until it is done.
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I would like to second what Eric and George have to say about making accurate rifle ammo on a progressive press. I learned to reload on a Rock Chucker and last year I graduated to a 650. The one thing I would like to add is consistency. Do everything exactly the same every time. Move the handle down using the same pressure and speed, move it up at the same pressure and speed. Seat the primer using the same pressure on the handle.
Oh yeah, use quality components.
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Don't ever shoot steel with steel shot from a shotgun. They will bounce back like superballs and have everyone ducking for cover.
Sounds like you have some experience in this field.
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Call me anal, but a few strokes with a mill file and those cases fit the guage just fine.Danger, Danger Will Robinson!!!!! A few strokes of a mill file - on a case!?!?!?! I won't call you anal. I'll call you crazy!!! Asking for a blowout.....
I figure you're talking about the burrs on the rims, not the bulges on the case walls, right? Otherwise, "Danger, Danger, Will Robinson..."
Yes, I was talking about the rim. Sorry I wasn't clearer.
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Call me anal, but a few strokes with a mill file and those cases fit the guage just fine.
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Gee, all that work to get the picture to you and you spell my name wrong in the subject.
I think I need a shave.
I think I need a shave.
Mother Theresa
in Humor
Posted
Mother Teresa's Heavenly Experience
When Mother Teresa died and went to heaven, God greeted her at the Pearly Gates.
"Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God.
"I could eat," Mother Teresa replied.
So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet.
The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal.
Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison, and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing.
The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. She couldn't contain herself any longer.
Meekly, she asked, "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand it..."
God sighed. "Let's be honest Terry," he said, "For just two people, it doesn't pay to cook."