I hope anyone who is going through what you did finds this topic. Thank you for having the strength to share what you have learned from this. I wanted to send you a PM, but in light of the fact that you shared.... The only way to defeat cancer is to unite where it seeks to divide. I have lost much of my family, and a few close friends to the disease.
Last year at this time, My Mom was admitted into a small Kansas hospital suffering from COPD and Atrial Fib. They gave her drugs and cookies, and were nice to her; and released her for Christmas with a relatively clean bill of health.... The end of May of this year, she went to another Doctor who ordered the Xrays from her "holiday 09" visit to the hospital. She showed the films to my Mom, (who was an RN with radiology, CT and other certs) if she saw anything on the 5 month old films. My Mom answered that she saw a classic asymetrical cancer tumor in the lung..... The initial doctor and radiologist obviously missed something that was unmistakeable. Further evaluation found that the lung cancer was not the primary cancer, but had matastisized from somewhere else; probably the pancreas; and it was too far along at that point to warrant testing or treatment. The lung tumor had grown through the chest wall and was now a large lump under her skin. After 3 months of fighting it, My Mom finally got her rest. I was lucky to be unemployed at the time, and was able to make 2 extended trips to be with her. The time I got to spend with her was priceless to me, and from what I've heard since, was priceless to her as well. I can only imagine how strong she had to be to deal with the hopelesness of this whole situation, and I had no idea that I had helped at all.
I can't imagine loosing my wife, so I can't pretend to know how you feel. But Christmas has been known to heal wounds. Resist the temptation to be alone for introspection, and spend as much time as you can with people, even people you barely know.... Don't do it for yourself, but for them. Things will get better, perhaps not as fast as we want them too, but they will. And I hope you can take some comfort that somebody you never met is praying for you, Brother!