Shooters Guilt?

[Pat Miles]

I felt sooo bad that I bought three guns with my first Social Security check last month.

Pat

[Round_Gun_Shooter]

My wife and I both work. I am self employed and she works 2 part time jobs that equal a little more than 40hrs. Only day off we have together is Sunday. Add that she is anti gun and does not like my hobby, it could cause a problem at time even though she keeps her anti feelings to herself. After 37yrs married she knows I am not going to change.

At my age, I shoot for fun and nothing more. It is nice to do well but the people are the main reason. I have adjusted my schedule to shoot as many Saturday matches as possible and only 2 Sundays a month. I rarely have time to get to a range to practice and use the first 2 sometimes three stages of a match as my practice

I do not shoot on Mother's day but Father's day is MINE since both my Father and my Wife's have passed. If the kids want to spend Father's day with me they can take up shooting.

The guilt thing comes when I decide to shoot a major that interferes with the usual day we spend together. She understands but I still feel bad about it.

This year for our anniversary we are going to Maine for three days. 2 days doing tourist things and shopping for her and a Clays course for me I don't feel a bit guilty about that.

Edited April 20, 2011 by Round_Gun_Shooter

[want2race]

Yep. I have the same issues as the OP. Two kids, wife, bills, guilt when I'm not at home. It's not so much about the money as I work side jobs to afford to play. It's just the feeling that I'm leaving my wife home alone to manage the kids all day by herself. I only shoot one club match a month and during the peak season, two matches a month. When we had just one kid, I'd bring him to the match to give my wife a "free day" to herself. With my son (5y/o) at the range, I shoot like crap because I'm so worried about him. So that doesn't really work out too well either. He does enjoy coming to the range though.

I cook 90% of the meals we eat. It's become the norm for me to cook so there is no guilt relief there. We've talked about it before, my point was I just wanted 2 days a month that I can go out and shoot guilt free. When she tells me to "Have fun, good luck" on my way out the door I shoot SO much better because I "allow" myself to enjoy it.

Working around the house to make sure everything is in order before I go helps. But then that becomes the norm too.

One thing that helped was determining what "to-do" items my wife wanted done around the house that she felt I was skipping so I could go shoot. That was a biggie. Especially during the peak match season because I'm out of town at least once a month.

I also share my shooting-budget money with her so she can enjoy some extra pampering too. I took the family to Gattlinburg over spring break and rented a two story cabin overlooking the Smokey Mountains. All paid without using our salaried income. Family trips, not revolving around shooting, go a long way too.

[Olivers_AR]

Talk to the wife and kids, tell them what your doing, its "dads" time, Mom should have her time and the make sure that you do things on other days with the kids!

My wife is happy many times when I get out of the house, allows her to do her things without me bothering her

[Jaxshooter]

Professional counceling is something you should look into if you can't get past the guilt. Long term this can harbor resentment and cause serious problems in your relationships. Every one needs space and time to do things that they enjoy. You might want to sit down and discuss how you feel with your family, spouse,

girlfriend and get thier input on your problem.

[XD Niner]

I used to feel guilty about sneaking off to the range during the official workday (I did timeshifting alot) and going to matches 3 Saturdays a month. Now that I no longer have that freedom I'm damned glad that I took advantage while I could. Three more years and I'll be retired. It will be back to the range and matches in full force then.

[Sarge]

I think I may have experienced this years ago, only my hobby was golf at the time. I think for me it had everything to do with having kids at home which I felt like I was neglecting. In my last season of golfing I could not focus on the game and had a nagging feeling I should be somewhere else. As I have told this story here before, One day I played a few holes and came to a par three. Knocked it stiff on the green and proceeded to walk straight to my car without even going to pick it up. That is the last golf ball I ever hit. My kids finally made it to High School and college(the last one goes this year) and I found my new hobby. I am blessed to have a wife that really thinks I deserve a hobby and to a degree could care less how much I shoot. She lets me know when money needs to be prioritized elsewhere but other than that let's me have what I want within reason. That goes a long way towards eliminating any guilty feelings.

[Flexmoney]

We had an awesome family at the Steel Challenge match last weekend. They all shot 22 rimfire. I'm not sure how old the daughter was, but she would literally skip back and forth to paint targets (I challenged here to a skipping race...I am glad she didn't take me up on it...LOL). The son was a few years older. The Mom/wife had a great attitude. Dad was shooting for score...pretty well (as much as you can with helping make sure the young ones are all set up).

They all were good shots. Irons sights and fundamentals. Safe too.

At our Steel match, women and children shoot for free. We figure we will get Dad/husbands money...which will pay for the paint. 500 rounds of 22 rimfire cost less than $20. What a great day with the family...and no phone reception at the range (so turn off those cell phones )

[want2race]

I wonder if my wife would enjoy Steel challenge. She thinks USPSA is silly, but steel is different. She's a heck of shot and can hit what she aims at. Hmm. Thanks for the posts. It's nice to see I'm not the only one.

[justmike]

I have had the same problem for years and have recently talked to my wife about it. The way she responded was perfect, just like want2race's wife. The next time I left to shoot she said "have fun and do good," it was exactly what I needed to hear. She does it everytime I go out to shoot now. I recently told how good it made me feel to hear those words. Her response was that she never cared that I shoot, the point is it was all in my head the whole time.

[benos]

You can only experience guilt if you are not present.

Whoa! Now there's a gem that'l git yur brain a cotemplatin.

[DrawandDuck]

Nope, can't say that I ever have........concerning shooting that is.

Edited July 15, 2011 by DrawandDuck

[mjts]

With the time commitments that people have between work, family, and competition, it's hard not to feel guilty at times. What seems to work for me is trying to have a 100% commitment to where you are and who you're with for the time you're there. If I'm with the family, it means not getting distracted with work issues (I'll usually forward may calls to voicemail and answer them later) or shooting (dryfire practice after everyone is asleep). My philosophy, however, doesn't seem to apply to work very well since I'm posting this between appointments .

Mike

[JasonC]

Since you have already discussed this with your wife and she says that she supports you, try the following. Ask her to tell you to go shooting. Have her tell you this before every match until you stop feeling guilty. Perhaps you need permission to do something that is just for you.

[OpenDot]

Guilt no... everytime I make a major purchase, something major has to leave.

Bought my open gun, I sold a custom shop guitar.

Bought my CZ Shadow Custom, sold an amp head.

I know alot people don't have teh means to do something like this but for now, until I run out of music gear... this is what I do to keep the CC balance low and not waste money on interest.

[lawboy]

Interesting thread. I have never felt guilty about my hobbies. I have always made sure that I took care of responsibilities at home first. But I have noticed that some women and be unfairly demanding in regards to time and money and if you do not set some ground rules you will have no room for your hobbies in short order. I have tried to avoid that pitfall.

One feeling I have had at times is a feeling that my devotion to my hobbies just might be causing me to miss out on other things, like maybe I was getting a little myopic. But every time I ventured out into some other things that people thought I should be doing, I found that, while some of it was pleasant enough, I'd rather spend my time and money on things I really love doing. So that is what I do. It only has to make sense to you. Don't feel guilty for loving what you love.

[Flexmoney]

I love to shoot it's even to some extent a part of my career so it's not like I will ever give it up.

If we first project this to ourselves, we can then project it to others... I am a shooter. Shooters shoot.

[benos]

In general, just say no to guilt.

be

[lawboy]

Friday night Jill Scott Concert, in the Bay Area plus hotel stay, plus dinner, plus breakfast this morning = $250.00.

Local Match tomorrow morning = $40.00.

Shooting without guilt (or a pissed off woman = Priceless!

[PKT1106]

I know how you feel. That one time a month I can make it to a match, I feel like I really should be home with the wife and kid, spending quality time with them. But, like another poster said above, if you're not 100%, it will have affects on other areas of your life. I take my matches as a relaxation time. Yes, I get competitive, but it allows me to focus energy on other things besides life's responsibilities, if but for a few hours. Humans get burnt out on things, and, as bad as it sounds, family is one of them. We need a break from each other now and then, if we have the means and opportunities.

I think about my family while I am at a match and check the cell phone for messages, but for the most part, I am focused on the stages and safety and get away from life for a few hours. It will be there when I get back.

[Sarge]

I think about my family while I am at a match and check the cell phone for messages,

Not me brother. Of course I hate cell phones and have been married 28 years as of tomorrow. I will leave my phone in the truck at the match this weekend.

[PKT1106]

I think about my family while I am at a match and check the cell phone for messages,

Not me brother. Of course I hate cell phones and have been married 28 years as of tomorrow. I will leave my phone in the truck at the match this weekend.

Kinda hard not to check the cell. Our baby is 10 months old and is our first.

[Miker]

Wow this all makes me feel much better as like many I feel a bit guilty the night before and when leaving the house in the morning, from that time on no guilt. For me shooting is my time and without my time I would probably go crazy. It helps to have a woman that understands this and kids that are raised.

[Sarge]

I think about my family while I am at a match and check the cell phone for messages,

Not me brother. Of course I hate cell phones and have been married 28 years as of tomorrow. I will leave my phone in the truck at the match this weekend.

Kinda hard not to check the cell. Our baby is 10 months old and is our first.

In that case:

HOW DARE YOU GO SHOOTING AND LEAVE YOUR WIFE AND BABY HOME TO FEND FOR THEMSELVES!!! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!

As you can imagine I am well beyond that stage of my life but remember, it is important to take a little time for yourself now and then.

Congrats on the new baby by the way.

[Canuck223]

I started shooting when i was 19 years old, and ran headlong into IPSC for years. My wife was my girlfriend when I started in this sport, and never gave me a moments grief about it.

When we got married, I'd had to rein it in a bit as work and other commitments were needing my time. Still, I was getting out and enjoying the sport.

When our daughter was born, we got a bit of a shock. She has Down Syndrome and unfortunately was born with a heart defect commonly found in kids with DS (AVSD). She was going to need open heart surgery by 3 months if she was to have a chance to live.

As much as many things were stacked against MacKenzie, she also carries a fighters spirit. She held on and gained weight prior to surgery. She had a setback after surgery, and needed a second open heart surgery to repair a leaking valve.

The summer after her surgery, I had an Action Pistol match to shoot at my club. I hadn't fired a shot since the previous August, and was eager to get out. My wife was happy to see me get out and socialize. The match director was a close friend, and I was on the second squad of the day.

I had my gear on, my mags loaded, and my targets labelled ready to go.

The first squad was just about done, and for whatever reason, one of the competitors had to reshoot a string.

I walked back to the range shack with my targets to wait, and began to shake. In the space of 5 minutes I went from cool to chaos. I could barely maintain my composure, and quietly took my gear off.

I pulled the MD aside and told him i needed to head home. He understood.

I was completely unprepared for the anxiety, as I'd never had anything similar happen.

In the mean time, we had a set of twins, and sticking around the house became a habit. It took a few years to get back in the game.

Now my boys are almost 10 and learning to shoot.